major difficult child meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok so thats it it finally hit. i wrote about it this morning on another thread. difficult child lost it today. i had to call work, i had to call client to cancel appointment. work isnt' happy, client isnt' happy.

    school threatening me now for not having her there for ela testing. i called office and asked what can i do so they dont' call cps on me because we dont' have iep in place yet? i am trying to get a hold of one of her doctors to have them fax letter to school to cover me.

    wow, this isn't good at all. my anxiety is thru roof to say the least. schools attitude is get her in, we're mental health professionals we'll deal with it. she's never had meltdown here before. what are they smoking we spent entire year last year in crisis mode. i hate them.
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Jeesh, today is NOT your day. I am so sorry. Did the school actually threaten you with cps??? I hope not!!!! Call them and tell them to come and get her in the mornings and let them deal with it!!! Are they aware of all of the changes that your daughter has to adjust to? Or the question should be, do they even care???

    Today is a Calgon day for you. Hang in there. :)
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'd be so mad at your sd. You tried to get supports in place and they didn't listen. Now, they're upset? They said they are mental health professionals? Really? I teach-doesn't make me a mental health professional.

    Hugs-I'm sorry this is turning out to be such a difficult day.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm trying to get letter from her pediatrician right now to cover me with-the school. pyschdoc i just saw last night isnt' in.

    They refuse to understand the grey areas of difficult child's life and multiple diagnosis. i'm going to cram it down their throat now like never before. their going to wish they hadn't messed with me.

    their attitude is "push, push, push". not so. child has mental illness, bottom line. tha'Tourette's Syndrome it plain and simple. i have enough doctor's to back up this. so, today i'm giong to have letter faxed to school god willing from her pediatrician dr. stating that due to her mental illness and extreme anxiety from that she isnt' able to function today. the ela testing this week has created much anxiety. Mother is not able to remove child from home, supports are being brought in.

    otherwise they'll have a legal leg to stand on. they just dont' get it, they never did. it's hard to make them understand it's hardest thing i've ever done.

    they dont' see the behaviors of explosiveness in school, verbal attacks, they just see the anxiety. they also attribute difficult child's stability thsi year to her teacher soley which disgusts me even more. i even said to them on the phone you have got to be kidding me, i took year from work, work with her every single night on role playing, issues, talks, etc. her therapist or one she had, also her pyschdoc medication guy. so all in all it's come to this climactic point where it's time to officially enlighten them. i'm sooo done with-them. i'm a good mom, i dont' need their careless remarks of just bring her in we are trained mental health professionals.

    i have to take the personal end out of this and function like it was my job. it's amazing if any of them ahd the issues that difficult child had they wouldnt' be able to wake up forget about getting into school and handlign day.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Just jumping in to add support and send ((HUGS)). I haven't posted replies much lately as I've been focused on my venting!! I'm sorry about this for you though- and you know, if she was showing that side of things at school, you would be getting the phone calls about her being a behavior problem. If you talk to them again today, put them on the phone with her and if they are such mental health professionals, see if they can get her to come to school. I'd also mention to them that if they are so successful, then why can't she stand the thought of going? It isn't "home" that she's melting down about going to.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jennifer, I am so sorry.
    I feel your frustration and anger.
    Go ahead and wring their necks.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jen I am SO SORRY. today stinks for you. I would have the letter faxed, get info on her disorders, get a copy of the wrightslaw book and put post-its in it (I never actually used the book in meetings, just bringing it in with post-its made them scared here!) esp if you find anything that remotely applies to her.

    Have you requested the IEP in writing, return receipt requested? If not, you MUST do that. Otherwise they will continue to dodge the issue. It also puts protections in place for her - legal protections.

    Today, just keep breathing. Scream into a pillow if you need to. I am sorry they are insisting on the testing and stressing her out so.

    Gentle hugs to both of you,

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jennifer, what is your difficult child doing now? Sleeping? I hope it's calmed down at home, at least.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i got a hold of her pediatrician dr. he's great, he wrote a letter and faxed it to the school. so at least i am covered on some level.

    She's calm now, she doesn't sleep after this sort of thing, sh'es been a bit off lately mixed between hyper and anger. so she's up and totally awake. i took her to fill her new medications, than for hot chocolate and we talked for a bit.

    I said to her we have to talk about thsi morning. She said i don't want to!! She shuts down sort of thing. I said it's important that we both talk thru this and figure out a way to handle it better next time so that this doesnt' happen.

    So, we came up with a code word for when her anger is mixing with the anxiety and she isn't able to be expressive about what she is feeling. I said what we will do from now on is once you say that word all will cease. I"m sure she will test me and manipulate me a bit with the word yet we need some clear cut communication between us when things spiral as they did today.

    She picked a silly word. I said when that happens we will stop, think and listen to eachother. I said we'll stop whatever we're doing, we'll sit together and hold hands and do our breathing, she ofcourse said screw the breathing it doesnt' work!! I said maybe if i hold your hand as I do at bedtime it will assist you more. I said once we are able to be calm than maybe just maybe we can talk about it.

    I said it's important we both be successful with our days. I said you belong in school. She said i hate school, i have no friends (she's having friend issues again with the one friend she has), I said Mom belongs at work when you are in school.

    She's having major problems in school with friends. Her neediness level is increasing due to her anxiety and she is being very "clingy" with the one friend and it's making the friend move away from her even more.

    It's very hard to explain to a difficult child friendships I find. How to make them, and more importantly how to maintain them. difficult child is so very sensitive like a kid without a filter so it all hits her head on.

    boyfriend calmed me down. He text me throughout the thing, he's good like that. It just hurts me that she slipped back again. It's weird too becasue last night i posted something about all her diagnosis's after coming bck from the dr. appointment i was a bit overwhelmed by the entire difficult child picture last night.

    Granted this isn't as bad as what alot of you have gone thru. Yet I see that the possiblity exists for her behaviors to worsen with age and puberty around the corner. I always think of that.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Bran - yes you are right i need a hot bath today. i have sitter coming later. i've been bringing her in each day i'm here to spend time with us. difficult child likes her which is good.

    Sharon - yes i know, my school has a very bad attitude toward mental illness and they speak to me very unprofessionally most of the time. that's why i have to go back to not speaking to them and putting everything in writing.

    Susie - yes I did thank goodness. so no more dodging for them. i soo bet you they are going to fight me tooth and nail. If I still have my job by then i'm bringing a few ppl from the office to help me. they already offered.

    Terry thanks but she's up adn wired, me i'm ready for a nap. i get tired after those episodes.

    klmno - thanks, and yes i know your plate is overflowing. i'm so sorry for what's going on with you and i haven't been around. ((Hugs))
  11. Jennifer,

    I just wanted to offer you hugs and my support. I am having problems with my difficult child's school too. They always seem to know everything - NOT.

  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hey Christy and thanks.

    What's going on with your difficult child's school? bad memory and haven't been on.
  13. My difficult child has a huge history of school refusal because of anxiety as well. He has numerous absences since he was discharged to go back to school in November. His school counselor threatened me last week with educational neglect - that he needs to go to school. She said she does not see the behaviors at school that I have described. I told her that is because when he is having difficulty he doesn't go to school, when he does go to school he is having a good day. Duh! Anyway, she told me that I need to call the school attendance office every time he refuses and have the school police come out and talk to him. I told her that this would only make things worse. Monday of this week was day 4 in a row for him to refuse this time. He has been sliding downhill for weeks. Monday the psychiatrist said he needs to go inpatient again.

    I called yesterday and left a message for the school nurse and for the counselor to call me. They called this morning and I told them that difficult child was back in the psychiatric hospital. His counselor said like I told you before we can not put anything in place like you have asked for because we do not see the behaviors you describe at school - to them it just looks like school refusal.

    difficult child missed a good portion of the school year last year because he was either inpatient or in partial - he was assigned to a different school until May, then he started at this school when he came out of the psychiatric hospital in May. So they saw him for about 3 weeks or so then. He went into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in July and didn't start back to regular school until mid-November. Last spring I had sent in a certified letter requesting him be evaluated for a IEP. He is smart, but when he is unstable he really has difficulty. I was told that they would start the evaluation in the Fall. Well he wasn't there because he was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Now his counselor is saying that they can't evaluate him because he hasn't been at school long enough and from what she has seen he doesn't need any supports other than the counselors pass that she has given him that he has only used a couple of times.

    It's just frustrating because they think they know everything. He has been in and out of the psychiatric hospital over the course of the last year, doesn't that say that something is wrong? Because he missed so much last year he didn't have some of the bases down to help him this year. Then he missed the first part of the school year, after he started, he told his math teacher that he didn't know the algebra they were working on (he's 7th grade) and she couldn't understand why. I was told that it was his fault that he missed and that it was HIS responsibility to get caught up.

    I have an advocate from a local resource organization that is going to go to a meeting with me. I have to wait now until we know when to anticipate him going back to school.

    Sorry this is so long.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    They pass the buck, it's been done to me and so many others and you. I'Tourette's Syndrome wrong, it's bs and it makes me want to throw up!! literally.

    It's the cart before the horse routine. Kid isn't getting to school because kid has xxyz diagnosis. Not because kid doesn't "want" to go to school.

    It seems they take responsibility only for what "they see" in their bldg. anything else their like oh well its' your fault.

    What I did with my school when they started their bs not so long ago threatening me as they also did today. Was I get on the phone with my psychdoc or whatever doctor of difficult child's I can grab and i start inidatting I cant' spell them with letters stating the diagnosis and the reasons for the behaviors is due to that. Your childs pyschiatrist bumps their school ppl.

    Than I put it on their laps, ok she wont' go to school so you tell me how are you going to get my difficult child into your bldg? Than they kinda stopped and said oh ok we'll give her mcdonald's every friday if she makes it in all week. ok, that didn't work, than it was another rewared thing, that didnt' work. Than they gave her a "worry" doll to make her feel "safe". HELLO are you kidding me it was half an inch big she lost it and had a total panic attack in school.

    Put it on their laps and say ok what' s your plan to get my kid into school? your the edcucators so eduate me. Within a short period of time they'll be bumping their heads int othe same wall we all bump ours into.

    I got my school in the corner, played the game. Yet difficult child started going, now today she didn't so their back to their old tricks of threatening. Wow, I gotta stay away cause when I blow it's bad. I was ready to go up there this morning when the school psychiatric said to me well she's never melted down here before. I said are you kidding me?? LOL
  15. It is so very frustrating when they tell us, well do this, or do this. I have just wanted to tell them you try it. My son is the same height as me and weighs probably 140-150 lbs. There is no budging him when he isn't wanting to be budged. I have tried bribing with all sorts of different things. At one point, this was in 5th grade, the elementary school had threatened me with educational neglect. difficult child would pace around the coffee table in the morning, dressed and ready to go, repeating outloud, "I know I need to go, I know you can get into trouble, I know I can get into trouble, I just can't" He was literally terrified to leave the house. He ended up inpatient the first time because he was refusing school and was unstable and the psychiatrist put him in partial, he went and hid when the van came to get him. He was terrified to leave the house even to go there. psychiatrist put him immediately inpatient to stabilize him.

    I like your idea of putting the ball in their court and telling them that if they think they can get them to school then do it. I am going to talk to the psychiatrist too about a letter and/or recommend accommodations for difficult child when he returns to school.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It's very hard to explain to a difficult child friendships I find. How to make them, and more importantly how to maintain them. difficult child is so very sensitive like a kid without a filter so it all hits her head on.

    Good way to phrase it.

    I wish I had some advice about the school.
    I like that your boyfriend texted you for support. That was sweet.
  17. Anaheimfan

    Anaheimfan Blue Collar Boy

    Not to hijack the thread...But The school can call CPS if you haven't got an IEP for your child?
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    it's kinda crazy isn't it?? Their thinking regarding these things and issues we as parents face are so absolutley backward and akward to say the least.

    I totally understand that, yes with that size child there is no way that's happening. than their answer is always hospitalize child if you can't get them into school. because that's their equivalent to an unstable child. well maybe there's soemthign in the school environment THEY dont' like, besides fact that our kids have varying diagnosis's.

    i hope you get some satisfaction on your end it's really not easy and it's heart wrenching at times. It sounds like your handling it really well.

    i'm not sure what i'm going to do. I had the dr. fax the letter today and now i've called the school pyschologist with no return phone call regading her ela standardized testing that she missed today.

    so now tomorrow their giong to try to place difficult child into a classroom alone, outside of her own classroom to do this test. she will freak out. i don't know what to do at this point. i'm going to send her, yet send her with letter stating she is not to be taken out of regular room????
  19. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi guys!! I missed both your threads i was typing at the same time.

    Yes i know they can, which is why i had the dr. fax a letter stating due to her heightened anxiety today which is due to her diagnosis she was unable to come to school today due to the standardized testing. we are in the process of waiting for the iep meeting.

    terry yes it is hard. my wording was sort of off with that one lol. yet you totally got my point.

    their sensitive kids, with big hearts that get hurt "bigtime" at the slightest things at times, and angry at the slightest also.
  20. Jennifer, I would send the letter stating that she is not to be placed in a separate classroom. She will totally freak out. I sure hope you are able to get some resolution for her. I am glad that the doctor sent the letter.