Mom....rescue me from my poor choices....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jun 6, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Another wm plea! Another pathetic phone call with wm explaining to me why he is again on restriction & has lost every priviledge; why it wasn't fair he lost those priviledges & why we should put kt into foster care so he can come home.

    "Even though you're making unsafe choices & not following the most basic rules, wm?"

    "Yes, mom, it's not fair that kt gets to live at home. We both had to go to the hospital. We both had to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & day treatment, but kt got to go home & I didn't."

    "Why would that be, wm?"

    "You love kt more than me!" , said in great anger.

    "Not likely, wm. What's the real reason, wm? "

    "I don't know, mom"

    "Okay, wm, you think about it & get back to me."

    "But mom, will you come out right now & visit me - I'm really bored."

    Okay, I could have started this entire conversation all over again for as much impact as it was making on wm. We have this talk a couple of times a week & I'm done discussing it any further. kt could be in treatment right now & wm wouldn't be living here at home.

    He really did blow all his priviledges (& that's not many at this point) by making some pretty poor choices or by not stopping & thinking, whatever the reason. wm is on a very short leash & he hates it.

    wm also believes that kt has a much longer leash. In comparison to wm, yes; in comparison to the rest of her peers not so much. Constant supervision for both, however kt has earned certain things wm has not.

    wm has been in therapy & has had other interventions since the age of 4. He charms the therapist (not his psychiatrist). She's convinced he's making huge progress - yeah, well, maybe in her office. He certainly talks the talk, cannot walk the walk outside of therapist's office. Foster mum & I finally communicated that with wm's therapist & I think therapist got the point.

    wm, can't live with him, pass the beer nuts!*

    (*Old line spoken by Norm in Cheers about his wife Vera edited for my use & very jaded sense of humor.)

  2. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Oy vey! The "you love her more than me" speech! UGH!!! I hate that! And the "I'm booooored, Mooooom" double ugh!!

    For whatever it's worth, I understand!!!

    Big, gentle hugs,
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I had that conversation with Dude over and over.

    Eventually when it got to the I'm bored can you come see me? part.

    it went like this.

    Can you please come see me I am SO bored.

    NO, not today - I'm going to the store, then to the river, I'm going to paint, and play with the dogs, and then I'm going to play the piano, look at the stars with the new telescope and take some pictures of the moon.

    So when are you coming to see ME?

    Why, as soon as you can get a day pass and I can drive for 2 hours and actually get to spend more than 15 minutes with you or be told I can take you off campus.

    -4 times in a row - drove 2 hours 1 way and got turned down at the door. It was me begging for a hug and them saying NOT a good idea - go home.

    Can I come see you? You bet - what's our deal?

    Eventually it works but it takes the courage of 10 lions to say "Oh no, not today I'm busy living my life while you're there working on yours." I HATE being the MOM.

    You handled it brilliantly! Hope you are feeling well today and tomorrow I hope you are drawing me a bird. A cardinal I think. Yes - I bought a frame, I'm just tapping my toes waiting on the artwork from that famous piano playing gal.


  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You handled it well. It does inhale sharply that they dont get with the program faster but hopefully they eventually will. Cory used to pull all kinds of stunts to force us to come rescue him from his antics. This worked well for a time until he got his hind end locked into a secure setting...then it wasnt fun to try to pull strings anymore.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. I know how you hated that call.
    I haven't had difficult child say that yet (Mom loves you best!) but I suspect it will come.
    I hope he figures it out some day ... soon.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    This is where a loop recorder would come in really handy.

    I really do wish professionals would get in the habit of looking past what goes on in insulated enviroments and look at the *functionality* of our kids in the real world. Hello? What are we supposed to be working on?

    Good job standing firm, Linda. Eventually you will get to the point where you will stop walking him thru the whole thought process (those "why" questions) because he does get it, he just doesn't *get* it, you know? Or get that loop recorder.

    I think is a prime example of that optimistic explosive child. He just knows (in his own little mind) you will eventually rescue him. Someday. If not today, oh well, he'll try again next week. But our kids are just convinced that eventually we'll cave and rescue. I'm not even sure its a conscious knowledge but boy, they sure do stick to it. And heaven help us if we *ever* do anything that can be remotely interpreted as rescuing them, because then it will never ever end!!!

    Hang tough, my friend. Sending beer nuts! :rofl:
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga wants to come home when she is bored too. Course, she is still honeymooning and everything is "great" and "wonderful" and she even gets to use swear words!

    As Kanga seems to follow in tweedle footsteps, I will borrow your loop recorder when we get to that point!
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Well, you all know that I love beer nuts.

    I know this discussion so well that I can do it in my sleep.:talkhand: Every time wm calls foster mum is sitting right there next to wm. wm tries to "con", for lack of a better word, me on the events of the day. Foster mum tells wm to tell me the whole story. Generally, I know the whole story with-o foster mum pushing wm.

    I asked foster mum to just monitor the calls, especially with kt, but to not push wm from that end. I was already pushing wm for the truth from this end. I think after almost 3 years, foster mum believes that I know when wm is stretching the truth.

    Thanks ladies.

    by the way, Triple J, the tweedles (wm) is following Sue's thank you; I'm following Sue's plan. I hope the woman has is it right! :winks::rofl: