More heroin heartbreak

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Origami, Oct 27, 2015.

  1. Origami

    Origami Active Member

    Hi All,
    It's been a while since I've posted since it seemed like my older Difficult Child was doing OK. He'd kept his job for about a year, and was the "golden boy" there, got promoted, etc. and the boss wanted to pay for special certification training for him. Well, we found out yesterday through the grapevine that he quit his job. He was also trying to act as if he still had it, but my husband called him out on it. Husband normally picks the grandkids up from school on Monday afternoons and keeps them until Difficult Child son gets off work. So last night my son showed up about 8 p.m., the normal time to pick up the kids. No mention of the fact that he was actually home all day, just acting like a regular workday. He looked terrible, red eyes, etc. which either means he was high or sick from not being high enough (I can't always tell the difference).

    Husband said, "I heard you quit your job," and he said yes. I asked why, and he said it was a number of reasons, mainly because of the location of the workplace. It's near the heroin marketplace, apparently, and he thinks the proximity is making it too hard to stay away from the drugs.

    This weekend, my younger Difficult Child said he saw his brother walking with his long-time "friend" who introduced him to heroin. Younger son got out of his car and tried to start a fistfight with them and ended up knocking the friend down. He said the friend told him he was trying to help older son (he's a lying heroin addict himself, I doubt he was trying to help anyone). Younger Difficult Child hates his brother (really) and says he's a psychopath heroin addict, etc. and he's going to beat him up when he sees him again. Needless to say, younger son has issues of his own.

    So I'm living this reality-show drama that isn't all that entertaining, wondering what's going to happen next. Even without younger son's threats and theatrics, the situation is sad and depressing. I worry about my daughter-in-law, who depends on DCs income to make the rent. And their children, our grandchildren, are just innocent victims in all this. They're pretty oblivious now as their parents have been trying to maintain a stable atmosphere for them, but of course "stable" has a different meaning when one parent is a heroin addict. The house of cards is beginning to fall.

    Husband and I agreed that we can't control what they do, and nobody's moving in with us again. It's a helpless feeling though, and still makes me sad to see my son looking so down and out and physically unwell.
  2. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    I am so sorry to hear this. This weekend marked the one year anniversary of when my son overdosed from Heroin and almost died. My son went to rehab and then sober living for a total of about 9.5 months. He's home now working at job where they really care about him and he managed to get a girlfriend. He just got his friend who also went to rehab a job at the same place he is working which I am not sure is a good thing. Right now my son is about as happy he gets. I see some changes in my son but not drastic changes. Its so sad but everyday when he gets home I am just thankful that the day wasn't the day when everything falls apart again. The house of cards you mention is exactly how I feel it is with my son.
  3. Origami

    Origami Active Member

    Wow, Tired Mom, what an anniversary--so glad your son made it through the overdose and is doing better. I think my son was seriously trying to quit the heroin several times after his first relapse, but now it seems like he thinks he can "maintain" a certain level of addiction and still be functional. And he has managed to hold it together for quite a while now, but unfortunately it seems to be catching up with him. I so hated to see him give up his job since it's not that easy to find anything when you have three felonies on your record. So I try to keep the worry in the back of my mind and not in the forefront. It would be easier to not worry if he didn't have a wife and two kids in the picture. We are very fond of his wife, and she's a trooper, trying to keep afloat in this uncertain situation. We're fond of our son, too, for that matter, but have mixed feelings since it seems like there's a different side to his personality that is selfishly concerned with the drugs. My daughter-in-law told me he spends hundreds of dollars every month on heroin, which of course could be used for the family.
  4. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    Hi Origami - When I read your post it makes me wonder if I am reading my son's my son's future. My son doesn't go to NA or AA does really want to talk about his recovery so I don't know how serious he is. He is in PTI and has been passing their drug tests. I know the worry you talk about all to well.
  5. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    As long as he does not take drugs and he has job and his life is on track it does not matter of he goes to NA or AA or anything and long as there are positive results.
    I am glad the situation really improved for your son.
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    At least your daughter-in-law seems responsible and is able to take care of the kids if she has to!

    If your son has to hit rock bottom, so be it.

    Not your choice. It's his.

    So sad, but nothing that you can do.

    And we thought we didn't have to worry anymore, after they were grown!
  7. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    I may sound negative but when my son first came back from rehab he was very cold to us. Almost from the very day after he overdosing he consistently told us he wanted to go back to school. Since he hadn't been at the community college for so long he had to go in person to reset his password and that was to much work for him so he didn't go back to school. The first week I let it slide that he wasn't looking for a job. The second week I told him he had to have a job. His friend got him a construction job and he went on a Monday and Tuesday then the next three he days he would get up at 530 say his friend was picking him up and then his friend didn't show up. I asked him if that was really what he wanted to do and it didn't seem reliable in the least. So that weekend I went to his old job and talked to his old boss who really cared about him. I gave him my sons phone number and he texted him about a job and my son accepted his invitation. I am sure it was enabling on my part because when I had suggested that he approach his old boss about a job he refused to. Hopefully it wasn't a mistake getting him the job but almost immediately my son became much easier to live with. With the girl friend he managed to get arrested for trespassing. He didn't tell us the only way I found out was when I opened the receipt for him paying his girlfriends fine. I told him he had tell his PTI officer since he was out of state a violation and being arrested was a violation. Hopefully he did he said his PTI officer was grumpy about it and made a note in his file. We had one incident where me and my husband thought something was off with my son but since he had PTI the next day where he would be drug tested we let it go. It has been mixed since he came back. He's happy with the job and girlfriend. We told him since he's not in school he needs to pay us rent and he doesn't mind. He does his own laundry which he didn't in the past. We take it one day at a time. He has recently told us about two people he knows who just started the culinary program he was in and I just bite my tounge about asking him if he wants to go back as well. It is the same friend who got him the construction job that is now working with him. My son didn't tell me that this friend went to rehab but when I found out the construction job was with someone who at least a bit was associated with his old friends I looked him up on facebook and could tell he went to rehab in Florida in the same city for about the same time as my son. I don't think it will happen but I would love to talk to this friends parents. This friend used to play soccer with my son and while he is a year younger he was part the same cubscout pack and so a little we know the parents and they always seemed nice.
  8. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    and my son in now an hour late coming home from work and didn't answer my texts. The worry never ends.