Much Anxiety


New Member
Hello - I last posted in 2018 when I kicked out my daughter now 35 that has a mental illness, will not stay to this day on her medications and self medicating with meth. I moved out of my house and rented it to my son that has five kids. Got an apartment for now. I did still assist my daughter out of guilt and got her in a dual diagnosis transitional housing facility in Houston (a non profit). This was her fourth time in a transitional housing facility since 18. She did well for awhile until she got into a fight with her roommate and got kicked out. Since then she actually got an apartment through a mental health grant program and only had to pay 150.00 a month for a year and received social security. Boy was I a happy camper! Then she moved in her boyfriend and things spiraled down hill. Ended up living in AirBNB's and hotels in Dallas with her boyfriend and now in jail for assaulting him. She keeps calling me from jail to help her once again. It just breaks my heart. I really am trying to cut ties with her now. I have not told her that but I'm hoping she gets the hint after not answering anymore of her calls. She is persistent and continues to call me on the work landline when I don't answer my cell phone. I have alot of anxiety about all of this and constantly worried about what will happen when she gets out. Don't think she will serve anymore than 6 months and she has already served 3 months. I know she will head back to Houston cause she wants to be around FAMILY! I will dig for more resources so I can stay STRONG and not give in. This forum is a Godsend. I feel calmer knowing I'm not alone!


Well-Known Member
Staff member
That anxiety and sorrow is all too familiar. Many of us have gotten support from 12 step programs like NA, Families Anonymous. It’s helpful to be with other parents or (sometimes various loved ones)who are or who have been pushing through extremely similar circumstances.

Our daughter is in her early thirties. We tried everything to help her live a normal and happy life. Great effort was made (this is an understatement) yet she blew it all to heck and has zero remorse or gratitude for all that was done on her behalf. She continues to make horrible decisions and expects us to fix it all. We are beyond tired and have removed ourselves from the craziness.

We help her very minimally (cell phone) and communicate with her very minimally. That’s all we can handle…

She plays that “family” card thing. Yet…she is not willing to cooperate with anyone or be grateful for anything and brings much heartache.

It’s important/vital to set boundaries and yes…be strong. Those support groups are helpful And there are many wise, experienced folks here as well.


Well-Known Member
It just breaks my heart.

brings much heartache.
My heart is broken, too.

My son (again) wants my help. I told him something like this over the phone. We have tried and tried. Each time you come back it is the same thing. You can choose the way you want to live, but it is not fair that we have to live the way you live or accept you around us when you bring the way you live into our lives and you force us to accommodate you and not the other way around. The way you live and the way we live are incompatible. Actually, I can't stand how you live. While you keep yourself clean, your habits are of a street person. I cannot stand it. Over and over again I have told you the kinds of help you need to seek out and commit too. You don't want to. Your coming back is like a revolving door. I was wrong to let you come back so many times, even though you had not committed to change. It was unfair to you and it hurt you. I don't want to keep making the same mistake and I won't.

In a couple of text afterwards I told him my heart was broken. Actually I cannot bear the heartache. When I feel it, it is intolerable. And I know that there is no cure. I have to just wait until I am distracted for it to go away, because I do believe my heart is broken in pieces. But this does not mean that I have to sacrifice my own body and soul and life and lifeforce to a situation that is toxic to me and unbearable. My life has value. I have value. I work at a profession I love. I am useful and purposeful. It would be wrong to sacrifice myself and my ability to work for and help others.

I guess what I am saying here is that while we have to bear and tolerate our broken hearts, this does not mean that we should sacrifice our whole person, our whole personality, our lives. This is what I did before. I actually did a form of human sacrifice, with the sense (unconscious largely) that if I sacrificed myself, that he might get better. (I don't recommend it. It does not work.)

You must do the right thing for yourself, to protect yourself. The only way out for our children, is that we insist that they do for themselves. Your daughter has demonstrated that she can learn and that she can change. There is no reason to assume that she won't or can't return to making better decisions. She backslid and it led to terrible consequences. She can learn. She must learn.

And we must learn too. That even though our hearts are broken, we can still walk the walk, and we will.

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Aloha PJean,
I am so sorry for your challenges with your daughter, I also suffer from a broken heart with two wayward, meth addicted daughters, it often feels like pieces of me are missing. I go through cycles where I can give my two in prayer to God and it calms me, and other times when I have to resist the urge to go out looking for them.

She keeps calling me from jail to help her once again. It just breaks my heart.
My younger daughter of the two has been in and out of jail. This time around, I decided to stop picking up the phone, to stop paying into her account. I don’t hear anything from her when she is using, I am the first on the list when she is in jail. It was hard at first not to pick up the phone. Heart breaking, yes. She sent me a letter and “apologized” for being such an inconvenience, which actually helped me to keep my resolve for no contact. It was for my sake, and the sake of my grandchildren. An inconvenience? Really? We have been through years of heart wrenching drama, worry, fear, manipulation, abandonment on her kids, the list goes on. My granddaughter now 14 says “Tutu, my mom needs to learn to take care of herself.” So true, she is going to be 34 and there are many resources available to her for help with sobriety, jobs and housing.
I know she will head back to Houston cause she wants to be around FAMILY!
That’s the elephant in the room for some of our wayward adult kids. Wanting to be around family. My eldest is the exception I think, I hear nothing from her. Do they want to be around to be a part of a normal family relationship, or make life easier for them (and miserable for us) to continue “as is.” My daughter asks to come home and it is hard to say no, but completely necessary.
I am sorry you are going through this, I understand the relief when our troubled adult kids are in jail and the fear when they are released.
I bought a motion activated camera and installed it on my front porch. It wasn’t hard to install and there is an application that sends notifications to my phone. I can see who is on my property. That helps ease the worry.
Keep up your resolve and do what is best for you. Our adult children will choose as they do, with nary a thought of how their lifestyles affect us. As long as they are using, we become dehumanized in their eyes, more of an opportunity, than family. It does them, or us no good to keep going down that pathway. Someone has to choose a different route, and that I believe begins with us learning to say no. Love says no. No, this is not healthy for either of us. No, I will not make you comfortable in jail. My daughter spoke of unconditional love. I can love her from afar and set healthy boundaries until she decides to really turn her life around and stop using drugs and using the people who love her the most.
Stay strong PJ. You are on the right path.
Love and (((hugs)))