My addict son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by runawaybunny, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Posting this on behalf of @Dragonfly1

    I have a son who is 27 yrs old. Over a year ago we moved him home after losing his job. I had no idea the exstint of his drug use due to him living over four hours away from us. Shortly after moving home we learned of his heroin addiction after finding syringes and heroin in his room. We had a family discussion and thought we had laid down rules for living in our home. He knew absolutely no drugs or using would be allowed. He didn't care and continued using anything from marijuana to ketamine to alcohol. The other night he admitted to stealing prescription drugs from us. Never thinking we needed to hide them. I'm such a fool!! I kicked him out then had a melt down. It was pouring rain out side, cold, late at night and I knew he had no money and no place to go. I cried for hours and after hearing he was sitting under a bridge we went looking for him. Long story short I let him back in. I'm soooo incredibly angry at myself for not being strong enough to let him go. I'm tired of being used lied to and manipulated over and over again. I know I need to be strong and let him go, but it breaks my heart and I feel so guilty for doing so. He has ADHD, depression, anxiety and we believe he's probably borderline as well. Any advice is welcomed

    Thank you
     
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  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome @Dragonfly1 ,

    Our difficult adult kids tend to get comfortable and do nothing positive for themselves when they are living with their parents. It allows them to stagnate. This happened to us, as well.

    One thing is for sure—you can’t keep living like this. Neither can he. It’s not good for any of you.

    What are you willing to do, right now?

    If you aren’t ready to put him out yet, is there anything he is willing to do? Get a job, go to rehab, mental health counseling?
     
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  3. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Dragonfly, I read your post and felt your anguish. I am so sorry. It is so hard to know what the right thing is to do. When I have internal turmoil I go for a walk and the answers come to what to do next and sometimes I just don't have answers and I just do what I can take. I do know that I have to live in a safe home and that has to take priority.
    By having the drugs in your home, he is making your place a dangerous place to live. With street drugs comes street thugs. You do not need that extra stress.
    With my daughter, she can smell my weakness and takes full advantage of it. I have to always be one step ahead of her and keep myself strong. I am so tired of her crap as I know you are with your son.

    Listen to your instincts and heart on what steps you need to take.
    I feel so sorry that you have this very hard situation.
     
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    DF1
    What you did yesterday was yesterday. It is what is it. We all only do what our hearts can bear. There is no right or wrong. Detaching and setting boundaries is the most challenging process I have been through in my entire life.

    Be kind to yourself and continue on the healthy path. I started with setting very simple boundaries and progressing from there. My son now know when I set a boudoir you it is what it is. No is a complete sentence.

    If you follow my story you will see that I have put my son out, I have let him sit in jail and had him arrested. He is 18. These were gut wrenching processes.

    Mama these are not easy steps so be easy on yourself.
     
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  5. Billiesue

    Billiesue Member

    Why can't we fix these kids lives. We sure want to. I feel like I turned out pretty grounded. I had many heart to hearts from Mom and Dad. Even my older brother. Great support when things were going bad in my life. I feel utter guilt that I can't seem to help my son in the way my family helped me emotionally. But I believe other things are at play. We just have to keep trying to talk, praying for them, listening. Stop beating ourselves up for what we feel were mistakes we made. It won't help now. No one knows the answer to these problems. If they did, we wouldn't have so many kids with these problems. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain.
     
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  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Fear Obligrion and Guilt we all suffer from that.
     
  7. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    DF1
    I have no advice only empathy. I read your post and like so many other times, I could have been writing it. LBL is right about something important, there is no right or wrong. Why are you upset with yourself that you couldn't bear to leave your son in the cold under a bridge? This seems like a reasonable mom response to me. It is the conflict with ourselves that makes this battle so hard. I no longer give my son cash for anything but I will give him gift cards. Do I know he can sell them? Of course. Does that make me weak or an enabler? I don't know. I only know what works for me.
    Keep trying to find what works for you.
    Good luck. And, you are not alone.
     
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  8. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. It is so terribly hard and painful! Do what you must and what you can bear. There is no timescale to ‘being strong’, I think strength grows from being supported and finding your own way. Your son is still your son and no one is totally mad, bad or sad - always a mixture, remember that. Hugs xx
     
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