My boyfriends other girlfriend

[Mattsmom277]

Back in August when my s/o started his avionics program, he began travelling to and from classes with a fellow classmate. She is the only female in the program, and she too is going on after graduation to join the military. They call each other to compare grades when they get posted to their college online accounts. They call each other to help out if they figure out a complex problem and know the other person is trying to figure it out as well. Its really been a great friendship to develop for the two of them considering their career paths. They will graduate together, they will attend basic training together and they will go on to take the 8 month course after that to learn weapons systems (aviation). So for better or worse, they will be with each other daily for 2 years of school and another year minimum for training on the job. Beyond that, she may be posted somewhere completely different than us but likely we'll all be posted to the same military base.

I'm glad that s/o has someone to relate to who is on the same path as him. It is a very different agenda that they have than those students entering to civilian aviation careers.

Having said all that, I now affectionatly refer to her as "Your other Girlfriend"

I have decided that I can sort of relate to cultures that have multi wife relationships. She can relate to and understand his frustrations at complex problems in his school work. She can do the same with his aviation fascination, whereas I get how much enjoys it but don't share an interest. What a relief to know he has someone to talk to about that stuff who GETS it. Because I can try to fake it all I like, but it simply doesn't interest me. I'm very interested in how he is doing academically and support him in his goals 100%. But I simply can't engage in meaningful conversation on something I know nothing of, Know what I mean??

Then, the icing on the cake??? His Other Girlfriend has ensured all kinds of extra time for him and I to spend together. Her picking him up and dropping him off daily cuts 3 hours of travel time by city transit. I love it! But the very very best part??? Every single morning, she arrives promptly (never late) and rings the doorbell and hands s/o a steaming hot cup of coffee from my favorite coffee shop (I have a addiction to that coffee). No more early morning walks in the wintery months of the Canadian north for me to get my morning caffeine! I LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, strictly for this woman, being the only exception I'll ever make, my s/o has my complete support to have another girlfriend

 

[DaisyFace]

O that's wonderful!

My husband and I joke about him finding a wonderful "Martha Stewart" type that he can bring home to cook and clean and make decorative table swags for us. I've already told him that if he wants to have another woman--those are the conditions.



--DaisyFace

 

[witzend]

 

[DammitJanet]

I want a wife. We dont need a girl friend but a wife would be nice.

 

[Star*]

While I think the sentiment is nice, I would stop referring to her as his other girlfriend. I would say your friend, your buddy, your classmate. When you PUT the acceptance factor in his head? YOU are PUTTING it there. It's a dangerous on the edge thing to do in my humble opinion.

I GET the meaning, I do. But I also did the same thing with my x, and in a loving tone. I meant no disrespect to her, and I really appreciated her. SHE "GOT" him on levels that I didn't. Eventually she GOT him period. So I say this to you with caution, that while it's cute and playful now. It's a seed that is being planted that could blossom.

I'd also avoid BFF and things of that nature. What's wrong with calling her by her name? I'd also reimburse her for the coffee or get a gift card each week with your S/O's portion of his coffee and for a while he can pay for hers as a favor maybe for picking him up??

Maybe even a gas card for her fuel? Keep it even-steven. Know what I mean??

I'm sorry - It's just how I roll.

 

[DammitJanet]

Star you do actually have a point. I tease Tony about his boss (who is a male) being his girlfriend because they spend so much time together and OMG can they talk! Not only do they work together, they hunt and fish together! LOL. They enjoy the same things so they are always together. Yes, I am jealous and Sam, the boss, thinks I hate him...lol. I have made joking comments about how I dont want Tony "going out" with him so much and Sam takes me seriously.

One time Tony's phone broke for a week and you would have thought the two of them went into withdrawals. When the phone started working again, they talked for 2 hours! And this is even though they see each other on the job every day....lol. Gotta admit though, Tony is the lead man on the job so some of it is work related but they are truly really good friends and have been for over 12 years now.

Sam will even call my phone if he cant reach Tony on his phone...lol.

 

[hearts and roses]

I agree with Star. We may seem paranoid, but it happens all the time. Be careful and I would definitely reimburse her for her gas/coffee - perhaps a gift card for gas or Panera's or Dunkin Donuts or even an invite to a family dinner. You know, bring her into the fold so you can keep a better eye on things. But, like Star, that's also how I roll!

 

[Mattsmom277]

LOL You are smart ladies Rest assured, so am I

The coffee thing ... when they decided to travel together, it was to eliminate his commute time and to help offset her gas cost. We pay her weekly what he would have spent on his bus transportation. They began by meeting at our favorite chain coffee shop each morning because she always went there for a cup on her way to class, and S/O and I always have a cup to start our day. So for a few days he'd get our coffee, she'd turn up and grab hers, they'd stop here to drop mine and then go on to class. After a few days she realized he was walking in cruddy weather one morning and said Doh, I'll just grab all our coffees when I'm there and pick you up. So now she does it that way. We do pay her for our coffees each morning when she arrives with them.

I would NEVER refer to her as that in front of her lol. I call her by her name, let's use her initial of C. The other girlfriend thing is a way I privatly tease S/O. She is actually a lesbian in a long term committed live in relationship. Not competition . They do speak by phone regarding classwork or grades, but other than that and their commute, their contact is in class only.

Thanks for being caring enough to point out that it could build to disaster. Luckily in this situation, it is a perfect and very safe type friendship that I don't feel threatened by.

 

[susiestar]

My parents have always had close friends of the opposite sex. Dad worked mainly with women as he was a jr high/high school teacher. Mom was a professor and most are men. So neither of them is bothered by the other's friends.

When my dad was going through his Masters program he took 1-2 classes at a time. For a year, starting iwth 3 summer classes, the same student was in all his classes. She saw that he was a top student and they studied together with 1 other student in one class. By summers end they spent quite a bit of time together studying. It was NEVER more.

She sort of almost lived with us. Any food she had in her room her roommate ate. Labeled or not. So she asked if she could keep some food at our house. It was fine as long as her name was on it. What she wanted was eggs, bread and butter (real butter). the only thing we didn't regularly keep was the butter, so after a while my folks told her to just buy that. She often would buy pizza or bring takeout or munchies over while they studied. Then she would hang out and watch tv with me or mom. One day she asked if mom would mind if she helped as we cleaned for some meeting. We are never ones to pass on help with that. At some point my mom gave her a key. It was not uncommon to come home to find she stopped by and did the windows.

My mom said she always wanted a wife who did floors and windows and dishes. I thought D was bizarre. Interesting but strange, esp because she almost never ate anything she brought over. Somewhere along the way I figured she was bulimic. She would always go into my bathroom and run the water the whole time or she would go to my brother's bathroom (inside his room - he was away in the Army). My mom was afraid I would think bulimia was cool until she talked with me about it. I thought it was stupid and gross and sad. And that bulimics stink. They have a strange and unpleasant odor (I later had a bulimic roommate and that odor is unique to them.)

I think at one point D thought her cleaning would have my dad think she was a better wife candidate and he would leave my mom. He thought of her as a child, like a former student. Adult in years but not really grown up.

My mom joked that he had a 2nd wife - who did windows! But it was only a joke to them. D did bring her dates to meet us after the 3rd date because she said my mom and dad were the best judges of character. Once she no longer had a class with my dad she disappeared. We did hear from her when she graduated, more of a congrats to my dad because he also graduated.

So I know what you mean about "the other wife". It is nice that she brings coffee and you don't have to walk to the coffee shop in yucky winter weather. In nice weather you may find you want to start the walks again so you have that special time with SO. Just a thought.

All in all she sounds like a really nice person. How is the contract negotiation going?

When they no longer had a class

 

[hearts and roses]

Whew! I feel so relieved for you!! I was afraid we'd be hearing about this later on in the year!!

 

[Mattsmom277]

I'm not a jealous person at all, but I'm also quite "sensible". If this was a woman who could in any realm of possibility become a "interest" I wouldn't be okay with the situation. As it stands, at school she is his "buddy" and they have each other to work out complex problems with and to help when either are stuck on a school problem. Their contact remains school related and that's cool

Susiestar, contract negotiations. Blick!! The union had a strike mandate vote on Wednesday and as expected, voted in favor of striking. They thankfully pushed aside the right to walk out this coming Monday, and have stated earliest walk out date would be mid Feb. The downside is that they have no negotiations going on. The two sides are not in talks at all. Not for months now. Nobody really sees this going forward without the walk out. The union simply isnt' budging at all. The college boards have indicated any sign at all that the union is willing to bargain (as opposed to stand firm with zero tolerance for working on compromise) and they would schedule talks. Its a stalemate. Student frustration and concerns are growing and its becoming quite the drama. Time will tell I suppose. So long as students don't lose their semester, we'll be okay without a long term ramnification personally. If the semester is lost and needs to be repeated, we'd be royally in trouble. I'm trying to not think that way. S/O is at the top of his class right now and has worked so hard. Keeping fingers crossed.

 

[totoro]

I think you have a good attitude about her and we can only do so much. Either we trust and live our lives or we live paranoid.

We can't control what others do. If she is or turns out to be an enemy better to have her close I guess! LOL

 

[Star*]

I still don't care that she's a lesbian. I have a very good friend that is gay. She has a daughter, was married and is now some womans wife. (try and figure that one out). The woman she is married to is a very jealous person, and at her work she started referring to my son Dude as her boyfriend in a joking manner. NOT to my son, but to others around her. Well the husband/woman found out about it and got beside herself and it took almost an act of congress to explain to the husband/woman by the wife/woman that the boyfriend/my son was actually her friend/woman's/son and not a moment of indiscretion.

But the fact that it put the IDEA into anyone's head? Just wasn't worth the argument and the $75.00 in roses & vase that had to be delivered not to mention the 2 carat diamond that she now sports on her non-ring finger as an apology. Dude said - he feels HE should have gotten something for slander-damages. ROFLMAO. At least some cubic-zirconia earrings.

Just saying - don't plant a seed.....in any field. Whether you think it's fertile or not.