Hi Serenity, thinking of you. It is difficult when a parent is ill, and we are far away.
I can only speak for myself but I hsve no rxperience nursing and do not feel I could.keep him safe and comfortable and feel he is better off in a nursing home than mine.
We have to live our lives, too, know what we are capable of, and what is best for all concerned.
My sister and brother work full time and this is too far away plus I need to find a job too and. He doesn't want to be in an unfamiliar area. His doctors are there.
It is understandable that your dad would want to stay where his home is, where his surroundings are familiar, my mom is the same. My prayers to you and your family, while all of this is thought out.
This isn't really an issue either because he is of sound mind and wants to live at his apartment if he can. He is very self sufficient.
Mom wants to stay in her own home, as long as she is able. She is strong and determined to live independently. I think I would feel the same, when I get older. We are very blessed that she has her wits about her.
The best we could all ask for as we age and have challenges with illness, is to retain our self sufficiency as long as we are able. My lil sis was able to work from a town nearby, and help mom through chemo.
Sometimes this is not possible for adult children.
It will be one day, one step at a time for all of you.
A lot will depend on what your dad decides to do, what treatment is offered, and even if he wants to go that route. My dad had bile duct cancer. He decided that he didn't want chemo. The docs gave him a few months. He lived for six years after his diagnosis. We just never know what the details will be, life is a mystery in this way.
One thing I did, that was hard, was go home every year, sometimes twice. It wasn't rational, I couldn't afford it. When I talked with my therapist about it, she said that I over extended myself (true). With mom, I went this fall, but will probably not be able to go back again for another year and a half or so. It is expensive, time off of work. She calls every weekend and we talk. If she falls very ill, I would probably try to go, but not even sure if I can, due to hubs illnesses. We can only do so much.
Our parents know how much we love them.
They know we have our lives and responsibilities.
I don't think this is the time for me to haggle with my siblings. I will go along with their wishes and do all I can to help my father in the best way I can. That means no sibling drama, which he hates.
You are a good daughter, Serenity.
Are you still going to visit soon? Have you heard any more news?
It is a very difficult time, you sound very strong. Keep the faith.
Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
Extra hugs and more hugs.....
leafy