My daughter O/D'd last night

[Too Tired]

My 15 year old had a 2.2% blood alcohol level when we got her to the hospital last night. We don't know what or how many pills she took. They kept her overnight in the ER - but released her this morning.

She's been in intensive therapy at an eating disorder clinic for the past two months, and just started back at school last week. I guess the stress was just too much for her.

So tomorrow we have an appointment at a psychiatric hospital so that they can evaluate her and let us know if she can be admitted to begin detox.

She lies so much that we really don't know what she's using. We had no idea that she's been getting drunk. She literally has been telling us good night and drinking in bed when we assume she's asleep.

She cuts herself. She drinks. She smokes marijuana. She's bulimic. She runs away. She's depressed. She's only 15.

The psychiatrist at the hospital told me to say nothing but positive things to her: "we're gonna get through this together" etc. But I'm angry. I feel like I just keep getting slapped - hard. The positive things I say don't help. The negative things I say don't help. Our family therapist told me to try to stop "fixing" everything. But how does one do that??????? My family's world is falling apart - everything she does affects all of us - and she has no respect for that. She just flat does not care.

And so I sit here sniffling and crying on the back porch. I've made her sleep on a pallet on the floor of our bedroom. I've locked up everything in the house - even the apples (she using them somehow to smoke pot). I bought a web-cam so that if she tries to get into the locked closet, I will know it immediately. My husband and I will be lucky to have our jobs when this is all over...we've both missed so much already.

I can't stop loving her, and I can't help her. My family hurts right now and it sucks.

 

[slsh]

Hi tired and welcome.

I'm working right now so can't fully respond (I'll be back this afternoon), but I wanted to let you know that you are *not* alone, and that you've found a wonderful community for support, understanding, suggestions, brainstorming, and a gentle shoulder to lean on. Our kids can take us to places and emotions we never thought we'd be... hang in there. Many gentle hugs to you.

 

[Malika]

I am very sorry to hear about your pain. You must be feeling many different things right now. Why is your daughter so troubled, do you think? She must be in tremendous pain too but you understandably feel too angry at her behaviour maybe to see that at the moment. Does she have anything in her life that she loves and gives it meaning, other than all the destructive things? Does she have qualities, what kind of person is she? I hope you will get the help your family needs.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

(((HUGS)))!!! Okay, you are getting her into a detox - great start! Chances are she should be on anti-depressants - has she been prescribed anything??

You and dad need to go to an Al Anon meeting. They will teach you what it means by not trying to "fix" everything. That is the BEST thing for you both to do while she is in detox and the best thing you can both do to aid her recovery.

I hope neither one of you loses your jobs. My husband and I have been blessed with the fact that we work for such understanding companies. My boss always tells me family comes first and he knows first hand the horror I have gone through with my difficult child.

Please get your daughter help, get to Al Anon and keep coming here. There are so many wonderful people here that truly understand what many do not.

 

[HaoZi]

Hi and *hugs*. Is she in therapy at all? If so, for how long?

 

[DaisyFace]

Hello and welcome--

So sorry you and your family is going through this! You must be devastated! ((((Hugs))))

And, by the way - they may be cautioning you to say only positive things right now to avoid triggering any more negative behaviors at this point. People will do stupid, harmful things to themselves and others just for spite.

As for "fixing" everything....well, if we could have - we would have a looooooonnnnggg time ago, wouldn't we?

Get her to the psychiatric hospital...I cannot IMAGINE that they would not admit her.

And then I think, as best you can, you need to step back from your daughter (let the docs handle her, for now) and see if you can take care of the rest of your family. Give yourselves some time to rest and try and re-cuperate a bit while she in in the psychiatric hospital. These things ARE hard on the rest of the family - you are all suffering.

And read and post here....this is a very supportive group. We are here for you!

 

[busywend]

I am so sorry for your pain. At 15 and what she is doing...she has a ton of pain insider her. Has there been a traumatic event in her life?

 

[toughlovin]

I am so sorry you are going through this. There are many of us here who really understand so this is a good place to come for understanding and some words of wisdom and experience.

I agree find a good Alanon meeting, preferably one for parents. I have found that to be a huge source of help and it does help to talk to others who want to fix their children but have realized they can't. However she is still under 18 so you do have some influence.

Sounds like your daughter is in a lot of pain and the drug/alcohol abuse, bulimia, and cutting all are behaviors that are trying to deal with that pain or cover it up or avoid it. The stealing and lying could be part of covering up those behaviors or getting money to support them.

So it sounds like your daughter needs help in two ways. One is some good intensive therapy to deal with whatever her underlying issues are. The second is some clear help with her substance abuse issues. If she was drinking by herself in bed every night she has a very clear alcohol problem. The problem with any kind of substance abuse is the substance becomes a powerful master in and of itself, so I don't think you can deal with just the underlying issues you also have to deal with the addiction issue. they are definitely related but you have to look at both.

18 months ago my son overdosed twice within 2 weeks on OTC medications. It was awful and horrible. The hospital both times saw this as a sign of depression (true) and wondered about it being a suicide attempt (I am not at all sure about that). I had the feeling at the time that both times were attempts really to get high. Anyway they sent him both times to psychiatric units who tried to look at the depression and mood issues.... but did not really deal with the substance abuse issues. I felt at the time this was way off, that his big issue was the substance abuse. He was over 18 so I had no say.

Anyway a year later he was in jail for a bunch of stupid things due to his substance abuse issues. He is now in rehab and hopefully is doing ok. But I think he has been getting good treatment now both for the addiction issues and with that therapy for the underlying reasons for his substance use.

So I think detox is good and of course necessary....but don't let them detox her and then just deal with depression. She also has a serious substance abuse problem.

Hugs this is just an awful thing to go through.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

At 15, I would definitely try to get her into a rehab program. That is one of my biggest regrets - not geting difficult child into a long term program when she was young enough that we could have forced it. By 17, no rehab would take her against her will...

 

[Nancy]

Too tired,

I have been where you are. The night my difficult child came home at 4 am and urninated on our carpet in the upstairs hallway because she thought it was the bathroom was one of the worst days of my life. I spent the next hours finding her an outpatient treatment center. They said she didn;t need detox but in the end she did because she only lasted two days as outpatient and then entered a residential program.

I hope you can use this anger to get the energy you will need to find her the right treatment. I was angry too when we had to bring our difficult child to the hospital years ago because she told school friends she took 9 advil and wanted to kill herself. Thje hospital personnel were so nice to her and I was so angry I couldn't even look at her. They are trained to do that. We are the mom's and our hearts break and we are hurt and scared to death.

You are beginning a journey that will require a lot of strength and courage and determination and hope and in the end it will be her battle to win. But she is young and she needs you for support right now.

I will be thinking of you. Today, in just two short hours, I will be driving my 19 yo to a sober home for at least six months. She relapsed once again and was living on the streets or with friends until last week when she finally decided she hated that life.

There is always hope, don't give up.

Nancy

 

[Too Tired]

I finally got a little sleep last night. I'm reading your replies, and I can't believe this is real - I finally found a community that cares and understands. You are my angels. Thank you.

To answer a few of your questions:
difficult child has been through a lot. I am technically her step-mother, I married the family 5 yrs ago. Her birth mother is an alcoholic, and I don't know what else (maybe bi-polar?), but she's absolutely crazy. She has psychotic episodes, see's people & things that aren's there. BM also had an eating disorder and drank as a teenager. So I know that difficult child is biologically "tuned" for her behavior.

difficult child has been perscribed anti-depressants. But she took them to school and sold them so she could get money to buy marijuana. I was so angry with her at the time, that I didn't bother getting more for her. I'm now second guessing that decision. I think we will start again, and this time I'll lock them up with everything else and watch her take them as prescribed.

For the last 5 yrs we have had full custody. But because the kids were older, we allowed them to decide when and if they wanted to see her. They both love her, as they should, but she continues to hurt them. She'll get drunk and start texting (she's a very mean drunk), or calling the house every 20 seconds until we turn off all the phones and computers. It's easy to turn off the phones, not so easy to watch it hurt these kids. Who knows what they saw and went through before I knew them.

That said, I love this family fiercely. I made a commitment to them, and I'm in it for the long haul. We have a strong family unit. husband and I are a good team.

Today is a new day. Hopefully it will be the day that we can get her into detox. Wish me luck and send a prayer. I'll update tonight.

Again - from the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU!

 

[DDD]

Glad you found us. Sorry you had to seek us out. Many of us have been down a similar road and understand your shock and disappointment and fright. I'm glad you identified her substance abuse problems so help can be offered pronto. The advice to avoid negative reactions is really sound. These kids are already full of negativity (alot self imposed) and hearing supportive statements can strengthen them on the long road to recovery. There are no quick fixes. There are no parents who can solve the problems or cure the addictions. That's what makes is heartbreaking and difficult. Prepare yourself for a lenghtly process and absolutely make sure that your husband is on the same page with you. Together you will be able to find and offer treatment options in hopes she can find a healthier way of life. Start seaching for options. Keep a notebook of every place you call, note the name etc. of everyone you speak to and aim for the highest level of care you can afford. You will find a bunch of options but finding the right fit for your daughter will be tricky. Stay on the Board and you'll get support and probably some insights. Hugs. DDD

 

[Nancy]

If her BM is drunk there should be no contact. You will understand over the years that a huge part of your difficult child's problem is the genes she has inherited. Rhat can't be helped, but continuing toxic contact with this person is not good for her. We adopted our difficult child. Her BM is an alcoholic/drug addict and should not have been surprised that difficult child followed down the same path in spite of the completely opposite environment she has been in since birth. We have found that we just could not overcome the baggage she was born with. difficult child had a chance to reunite with her BM. I would not allow that years ago because we know she is not in recovery. When difficult child is 21 she can search her out herself but I will not help bring about a reunion that I know will be toxic. You may have to go to court to have contact stopped if she continues to call/text when she is drunk. Tell her she is free to talk to her when she is sober but that you will not allow her to hurt her anymore.

Nancy

 

[HaoZi]

If at all possible, you may want to get your husband on here (at least reading, if not posting), so that y'all can stay on the page with everything that's going on.

 

[AnnieO]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I have had some of the same issues with my 16-y/o stepdaughter, just not enough to OD (that I know about... sigh). But I know how it is, with a bio mom that's out of control. In your case, you and your husband may want to look into a no-contact order for the harassment. However... The kids have to decide how much they want to put up with. In the meantime, yes, it breaks your heart...

It's good to hear that you and husband are committed and make a good team. That can only help.

 

[slsh]

Hi again - sorry I didn't make it back (life happens, ).

You've gotten some excellent advice, so I won't repeat it.

How did the intake go? What is the plan?

How is the rest of the family holding up? Sometimes our kids' behaviors and choices can be all-consuming for the rest of the family, and special effort needs to be made to normalize things as much as possible, not just for siblings but also for you and husband. In my experience, it's near-impossible to get a difficult child (especially one in crisis) to appreciate what a negative impact their choices have on the family, much less to get them to give a darn. So you need to try to carve out time for sibs, for you and husband, to decompress.

I hope things are heading in a good direction for you guys and that you've gotten some good supports in place, not only for difficult child but also for the rest of the family. Update us when you can.

 

[Ephchap]

Hi typical teen and welcome. As some of the members have said, we're sorry you have to be here, as that means things are not going well. Unfortunately, many of us have been where you are now. Some of us had to weather it for many years.

Hugs to you and know that people here care and will help with advice, or a shoulder to lean on. Many here helped hold me up back when I needed it, so trust me, I'm speaking from the heart. This is a wonderful support system.

Let us know how the intake went and how you're doing.

Sending good thoughts and hugs
Deb

 

[gram1]

new to the site..my adult son got out of rehab and od'd on heroin 3 hours later, common in that scenario. I have experienced way too much and it took years to accept and understand alot about addiction and abuse, i fought the concept of alanon and naranon until finally i was just beaten down, i read tons daily, as he is in jail for the umpteenth time..i wish i had tools and forums to help guide me a decade ago when he was under 18! so please accept me as part of your community, give me experience and let me share mine

 

[pepperidge]

I don't know what your options are, and what kinds of programs would take her. But I have met a number of people through my son's journeys who have put their kids in wilderness programs followed by residential treatment. At 15, there is time to help her get turned around. I am sorry for what you going through.

 

[keista]

Welcome gram1.

This thread is a few months old, but I'm glad you found it and this community.

Read some threads, and post a new one of your own to share your story.

Stick around, this is a great place for support insights, and guidance!