My little brother is getting married!!!

[gcvmom]

My mom told me on Sunday and he told her the weekend before. She said if he didn't call to tell me within a week that she'd tell me herself!

She'd been after me to get in touch with him for a few days. Told me his business wasn't doing very well but that he'd been shopping for a house. Suggested that I call and check in with him. I haven't talked to him since May, haven't seen him since Christmas. My brother doesn't stay in touch with the family very well and I gave up years ago in trying to keep the relationship going. He doesn't return phone calls for one. He either doesn't show up to family gatherings or arrives very late. I just don't know who he is anymore. Being 5 years my junior also doesn't help since we didn't have a lot in common as kids.

I've only seen his fiancee three times. Once when he brought her by my house two years ago to introduce her (I didn't know it but they'd already been dating almost a year), once at my house that Christmas, and once last Christmas at my uncle's house. Don't really know much about her either.

Yeah, I have a weird family. You know, I don't even know where he lives? All he's ever given me is a P.O. box number. And his phone is a cell.

So my mom tells me they set a date for May 23rd, she's got a rock on her hand big enough to choke a horse, and there's a good chance my kids won't be invited because they are planning a very small private church ceremony with no kids. Not sure how I feel about that, but it's certainly their perogative.

I called him Sunday (before my mom told me the news) and of course he didn't answer his phone. I left a message and of course he hasn't called me back. So he still doesn't know that I know. But my mom thinks he probably figures she already told me.

Sheesh. What a weirdo.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Sounds like he really doesn't want a relationship with you..... I wouldn't take much meaning by it, just isn't important to him..... I would try calling once and leave a message that you heard the good news, congratulate him and leave it at that...... Wait for the invitation and if there is none, why worry?..... Is your mom pushing for a relationship between you? Can't make a one-sided relationship........

 

[gcvmom]

I think my mom feels bad that he and I are not closer. She realizes that my dad was a really lousy male role model because my brother behaves just like he does. She doesn't really push for us to have a relationship, but I know it bothers her some. I've already told her about my resignation, and I think she's accepted it.

My kids are puzzled most by it. They can't understand why my own brother doesn't make an effort to keep in touch with us. He's difficult child 1's godfather, and I think that bothers difficult child 1 that he hardly ever sees his uncle. I just tell the kids I don't know why he doesn't call or come over and that next time they see him they can ask!

 

[Star*]

You know - I understand his thinking.....in a way.

I totally get yours, and I wouldn't be upset by the "no kids" thing. It can be very hard for people with children who like and love children and can't imagine a world without them running around all cute, and laughing and everything they say is just buttercups and kittens and noteworthy.

And maybe in their life? There won't be that element in their lives. It's their choice. But don't take offense to it. Really. I think if I had a wedding now - no one under 5 that wasnt' well behaved would get it. It's too stressful.

Our friends son and his fiance were married not long ago. It took MONTHS and MONTHS of planning, lots of money - lots of tireless work to make it so beautiful. The church the place was well decorated, flowers thousands and thousands of live flowers, candles and decorations. This was a real celebration as the two ages 21 and 19 had never done more than hold hands their entire 3 year relationship. (no joke)

They hired a videographer. Very expensive. As the bridesmaids walked down the aisle the little girl in front of me began to fidgit. Then twist herself onto the floor out of her mothers arms, then out of her fathers arms, then the last bridesmaid down the aisle and by this time the little girl was nearly in a full blown difficult child rage...and the parents NEVER got her up and took her out. And once their 4 year old started? Another little one started to cry, then a baby and I was amazed that none of these people took their crying kids out.

So the entire video of their vows, their marriage has 1 crying 4 year old, 1 baby and 1 newborn crying through the whole thing. After the wedding? EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE commented VERY little on the bride, the groom, their vows (who could hear) but EVERYONE was talking about WHO IN THE WORLD had the babies and children and WHY didnt' they take them out? Even worse? The people with the 4 year old were in the hall, it was a friend of the grooms MOTHER. They finally took the little girl to the car and left, but NEVER once said I'm sorry. When our friend asked WHY they didn't take her out of the church.....?? She said "I didn't want to get in the way of the video so and so told us they were expensive." OMG.....could have slapped her. And I overheard later the parent of the baby say - "Well they better get used to THAT sound" as if to purposely ruin the wedding. The mother of the newborn that was screaming? She stayed for the reception and FINALLY some of the older members in the family told her ALL THAT SCREAMING COULD HAVE BEEN DONE AT HOME - WITH A SITTER.....

So I'm guessing if you have toddlers and you think that you may want them to be the star of someones wedding in a few years as flower girl or ring bearer you should take them OUT of the church if they fuss.

As far as your brother? Save yourself the hassle - send him a card with cash with your Mom......and Herbert.

 

[gcvmom]

Yeah, I totally understand the thing about kids and weddings. There were babies at my own wedding, and our ring-bearer was husband's cute little 4yo cousin. But truthfully, I was oblivious to anything going on with any of the babies that day. My mind was elsewhere... And my brother is almost 40 and just doesn't get kids -- even mine, which are not really "little" or of the age where they could ruin a wedding. I've already warned the kids that there's a pretty good chance they won't be invited to the wedding, and they're all fine with it.

 

[Star*]

Thinking evil thoughts --------

Have your KIDS send him a thank you card for his wedding and tell them to tell your brother what FUN thing they were doing instead of going to HIS wedding and then have them all THANK him at the bottom with love.... and the invitation did NOT ban chickens..........GO HERBERT! In pumps and little white gloves.