My Matt is leaving the nest :( :(

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Apr 5, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hi all. Don't have much time to post as easy child is arriving home from school any minute and I have to take her to first appointment with the orthodontist in preparation for her braces. I wanted to tell you all that my Matt is flying the coop :(. I'm so sad. I know he has to take his own risks and spread his wings etc but I also feel in many ways he is ill prepared. I am so grateful our relationship is night and day to what it was when I joined the board all those years ago. We have been able to talk a LOT about the possibility of things not working out right away, what to do if he needs to come home again, what my expectations are, bringing his goals into a realistic realm so he goes into this with eyes open instead of with rose colored glasses. We have a plan for if his plans go awry for him to return home safely and without much notice on a bus etc.

    He's leaving next weekend on a greyhound to Alberta (We are in Ontario). It's so far away. :( He has a place to live and is starting a job training type program in a few weeks. It pays him for 2 months to do training then they find him a job. I miss him already :(
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I know you will miss him, but I'm really proud - of both of you! I wish I could say the same for my M...
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Aw...what a happy/sad note.

    I hope things work out for him. It sounds like a good opportunity, and you have plans for backup. That's great.

    Hugs. I know its hard.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i totally get youll miss him yea yay for him and for you!!! great mom job!! this is awesome, i hope his new job works out well, and i know where alberta is..... it's far yet not that far.

    great news!!!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wow! That's such a great thing for him!! Way To Go Matt!!

    Yeah, I know it's sad and a bit scary to think of them out in the world alone........but this is a good thing. Even if he does need to come home again in the future, it's still a fantastic learning experience for him.

  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Good luck, I hope he manages to make it work.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I couldn't bring myself to read this thread until now. It's so.... bittersweet. It doesn't seem possible that our Matt could be old enough to take on such a challenge, not our Matt. But he's not the same angry, unreasonable kid as when you came here. His path may be unorthodox but I truly believe that if any difficult child on this board could take life on successfully, it's Matt. He has a very unique set of talents and really seems to know himself and understand what he's made of... he's an old soul caught in a modern, homogenized world. Please tell him to keep us all updated because we really do care and know he will be successful, on his own terms.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    It takes a lot of courage to step out into the unknown...Way To Go Matt!

    Hugs for you, MM.
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He has certainly grown since you joined the fold here. I think there is always a sense of pride when one of our children leaves the nest on their own with a plan. Our role in their life is to prepare them for this step and, while sad, I think he's showing maturity and a readiness to get in the game. That's good news. Hugs.

  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sounds like he has a plan to be an independent, law abiding, adult. Of course, they will stumble and even fall. All of us do on the journey that is our life. Missing him and being afraid for him is a pain all mothers have but the best you can do is allow him to start to make that transition.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I had no idea that he had come so far. Guess my "picture" of Matt didn't keep up with the times. You and he have many reasons to be proud. I'm crossing my fingers that the future goes the way he envisions it to be. It's awesome that you all have been able to discuss the "what if's" so freely. Sending caring thoughts your way. DDD
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like a good plan. I know you will miss him but he is leaving on good terms and he knows he can come back if needed and you will be there. I wish him luck. Take time for yourself to adjust, enjoy easy child and keep yourself busy.

  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I can only say CONGRATULATIONS - and "Well just HOW easy child is that?!"

    Sending hugs for you heart! And braces for the little one huh? Oh dear, oh dear - we are getting old....OLDER....Older......I said older.

    I love the way Fran wrote it the best. Starting life as a law abiding citizen. - Wonderfully put. Great job Mom.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad he's trying to get out on his own, though. Fingers crossed for much success and only tiny little, easily overcome failures.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    This is a good thing. Big hugs mom!
  16. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thanks everyone for the well wishes for Matt. I am incredibly proud. I also think Fran made a excellent point: He is moving forward as a law abiding citizen. Wow I would not have envisioned this path for him when I became a member. I credit him fully with the change in his mind set and actions as he made a conscious choice to make better decisions and avoid certain things and I know it hasn't always been easy for him but he's done it.

    We have been talking daily about his move when he brings it up. He said his goodbyes to his grandmother (his fathers mother) who has been a tricky relationship for years and years. For the first time ever, she spoke with him as a adult and respected his reasons for this move and his plans. She encouraged him to do his best and told him she was proud of him and even at one point made a positive comment about the choices I made with him over the years, the same choices she railed at me over at the time. He felt good about their visit and that makes ME feel good for him. She even purchased him a oversize luggage piece for traveling with to save the cost for him to get it. That was nice of her.

    I am less and less concerned each day about whether this works out how he wants. I am more impressed daily with his motivation and his desire to find a path for himself that is realistic and can bring him self pride. I am disappointed about schooling, I wanted him to go on to post secondary. Yet if he can find a job or career without it, I am the last person who will judge him. I want him content and living a happy life and if he finds that, however he does so is a non important point, Know what I mean??

    Happily, he spoke with a guidance counsellor this morning about college IF things dont' work out in Alberta for him. He apparently wanted to know if any problems would arise in getting student loans here in our province if he becomes a resident of Alberta and returns back here. I had no idea he was doing that this morning. He told me that if it doesn't work this time with his first move, he plans to return here and accept it is time to do further education to reach his goals. I told him I thought it was a mature decision but I will be sending good vibes for him on this venture as I know for the moment it is what his heart is set on.

    *sigh* My sadness is personal and selfish. I hate the idea of him being so far away. I can't picture life without him. I do know though that most parents feel the same way when their children go out to the world. More than my sadness and loss is a feeling of gratitude that I have reason to be proud of him and am able to also feel a sense of wonder and joy at the fact that he is taking steps forward on his own and with courage to try the unknown. I have no doubt that even if he has a bumpy beginning, he is going to find a way to lead a life he wants. I'm incredibly happy that we know have a relationship that ensures no matter how far he is, he will be part of our lives. As a parent I can't ask for more than that now can I? I know the very real pain many parents have when they don't have the same result. I am blessed. In time I'll be thinking of what to convert his bedroom into for my own personal use I'm sure. We all adapt over time.