Thanks everyone for the well wishes for Matt. I am incredibly proud. I also think Fran made a excellent point: He is moving forward as a law abiding citizen. Wow I would not have envisioned this path for him when I became a member. I credit him fully with the change in his mind set and actions as he made a conscious choice to make better decisions and avoid certain things and I know it hasn't always been easy for him but he's done it.
We have been talking daily about his move when he brings it up. He said his goodbyes to his grandmother (his fathers mother) who has been a tricky relationship for years and years. For the first time ever, she spoke with him as a adult and respected his reasons for this move and his plans. She encouraged him to do his best and told him she was proud of him and even at one point made a positive comment about the choices I made with him over the years, the same choices she railed at me over at the time. He felt good about their visit and that makes ME feel good for him. She even purchased him a oversize luggage piece for traveling with to save the cost for him to get it. That was nice of her.
I am less and less concerned each day about whether this works out how he wants. I am more impressed daily with his motivation and his desire to find a path for himself that is realistic and can bring him self pride. I am disappointed about schooling, I wanted him to go on to post secondary. Yet if he can find a job or career without it, I am the last person who will judge him. I want him content and living a happy life and if he finds that, however he does so is a non important point, Know what I mean??
Happily, he spoke with a guidance counsellor this morning about college IF things dont' work out in Alberta for him. He apparently wanted to know if any problems would arise in getting student loans here in our province if he becomes a resident of Alberta and returns back here. I had no idea he was doing that this morning. He told me that if it doesn't work this time with his first move, he plans to return here and accept it is time to do further education to reach his goals. I told him I thought it was a mature decision but I will be sending good vibes for him on this venture as I know for the moment it is what his heart is set on.
*sigh* My sadness is personal and selfish. I hate the idea of him being so far away. I can't picture life without him. I do know though that most parents feel the same way when their children go out to the world. More than my sadness and loss is a feeling of gratitude that I have reason to be proud of him and am able to also feel a sense of wonder and joy at the fact that he is taking steps forward on his own and with courage to try the unknown. I have no doubt that even if he has a bumpy beginning, he is going to find a way to lead a life he wants. I'm incredibly happy that we know have a relationship that ensures no matter how far he is, he will be part of our lives. As a parent I can't ask for more than that now can I? I know the very real pain many parents have when they don't have the same result. I am blessed. In time I'll be thinking of what to convert his bedroom into for my own personal use I'm sure. We all adapt over time.