NEED your opinion

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    PLEASE read this. I know you will understand and I truly need your opinion...involves 8 year old D.C. that in a certain way I feel might be being treated unfairly.

    I'll explain...

    Remember the goofy distant relative known for being nosey and competitive? Well, her son is very strange.

    He has a blog that bothers a lot if folks. Why? Because he will promote anything for money or compensation and it is grossly obvious. If a company gave him a screwdriver, instead of writing an article on screwdrivers, he will just write an article on the one screwdriver and say it's the best in the world.

    They have an adopted minority child. He is having issues. They might be serious. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. (Many of you know that this is a VERY common initial diagnosis. May change later.)

    They are going to some after school classes to try to help. Great! In exchange for this, they are writing about their son complete with photos on the blog.

    Things we often discuss here (anonymously). Very personal things related to having a D.C. Turmoil in the family. Odd and troubling behaviors. Fights between husband and wife. Huge list of problems. Doesn't get along with people. Disturbing goings on. "I love him with all my heart, but..." again, photo of child, name of child ...diagnosis of child. All on the internet. He is 8.
    The blog is NOT even about such things.

    Wth? I find it a little weird to tell the world details of my son's diagnosis and fights in the family due to this stress complete with my kid's name and photo. Complete with details of abnormal behaviors.

    Am I being old fashion? Maybe. I don't know.
    I suppose it's good that they are getting the help and maybe this is the only way they can afford it. But to put your young child's face, name, age and diagnosis complete with details on the Internet truly bothers me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    *Note..this is not anonymous like we do here. Everything about the child is known. His age, name, a photo etc. it's on his blog on FB, but the page is Open. All the details of his problems and how it is causing anger and turmoil in the family.
     
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    That's despicable.

    I don't have any idea what you could do about it though, except maybe tell them so.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is sick. My thoughts.

    Sounds like they are trying to show that they are wonderful people for adopting this poor African American (guessing) child, full real name Joe Smith, and this is his picture to prove we really did this good deed. See us together?

    Also, read all about how difficult he is. But we deal with it and love him because we are swell!!!"

    Hoenstly, I would never even show a picture or give out the real name of the child we adopted who molested my youger kids. It is in my opinion self servig ad wrong to expose this child so boldly. Or any child.

    Sadly, as a many time adoptive parent who was in a large adoptive parent group myself, there are a few adoptive parents who adopt to gain admiration from others. They are in the vast minority, but they do exist. To me it sounds like the strange ones in your family are looking for kudos and, at the same time, crossing serious boundaries regarding too much information about a young boy with may problems. It makes me very sad for him and exasperated at them.

    Something tells me broachig it to them will just cause anger. Right?

    Disgusting. Jmo
     
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  5. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    My heart is heavy.
    I think I would feel this way regardless.
    But I have an adopted mentally ill child, now an adult.
    I only told some things to my two best friends and even with them I kept a few things private.
    When overwhelmed, I saw a therapist.
    Never ever ever would I tell strangers ...although here I opened up a little due to anonymity.
    This is so unfair to the child
    AND they seem to want points for him being African American.
    (Swot you are accurate)
    I'm ticked)
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Right...can't really broach it. They think they are cool or something. Heros. They have narcissistic tendencies. I'm forlorn.
     
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I take it the adoption is final? I'm thinking child services might find what they are doing quite exploitative.
     
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Oh yes. Adopted as a baby. I can scream.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Me too, Nomad. Makes me want to puke. Really.
     
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Can you report this to child services anonymously? They may intervene and express concern to the parents and hopefully put a stop to this.
     
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I can't report it.
    Technically I don't believe it is abuse.
    Technically.
    They are doing it to receive free ADHD services for the child.
    They express their love for the child and list attributes.
    I have no knowledge of them abusing the child.
    I think it is horrible taste.
    I will be watching them like a hawk and will consider speaking with them.
    I need to vent because I'm soooooo ticked.
     
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  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    i agree with all of the rest of you.

    except i would think about the repercussions of talking to them. not because it is wrong but because they sound nutty and oblivious. their judgement sucks. they are compromising their child without a second thought. do you believe they will listen to you?

    which still does not affect your decision but know up front how they might react. defensively. angry. in denial. blaming you.
    without hearing one thing.

    also an anonymous referral to cps might not affect positively the child. again. this should not stop you. but should be part of your decision upfront.

    this savior/rescue complex is common with adoptive parents.

    this seems like a boundary issue as much as anything.

    which still does not mean you should not do what you think is right.
     
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  13. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Internet privacy is a huge issue that may apply here that many seem to be oblivious to. Big social media sites sell your private browsing info for a profit. ConductDisorders.com does not save any metadata other than ips, for no more than 6 months. We use those ips to track regional server issues on our side of the internet. Not to identify you.

    Here’s How to Protect Your Privacy From Your Internet Service Provider

    66 Ways to Protect Your Privacy Right Now

    The government won't protect your internet privacy, so here's how to do it yourself
     
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  14. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    No, I won't report them.
    And it's very unlikely I will speak to them.
    Yes, they are oblivious.
    Yes, a boundary issue.
    Grossly inappropriate in my humble opinion.
    I'm very saddened by the entire thing.
    It really shook me up today.
    I had to let if Steam
    For a moment I didn't know if I was being "old fashioned?"
    Just ticks me off.
    Thank you for commenting and listening.
    Odd day.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017
  15. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

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  16. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I will check my settings . I do wonder about that PYMK feature. I think it's an invasion of privacy and creepy....they seem to be going into your address book or those of others that have your info.

    I am on FB, but don't use my last name, don't use my face in my profile photo, don't show my city or state , limit personal photos in general and avoid saying anything very personal.
     
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    And people wonder why some children grow up and stop telling their parents anything about their lives!! Here is one child who will most likely limit or sever contact from his parents when he grows up. His teen years may be truly ugly if this is the way they treat him. They have no class and even fewer manners. I wonder if they would treat a child of their own race the same way? These people are creepy.

    Sadly, there is nothing you can do about it. I would not let these people into my life. Something is seriously wrong with them. Your own instincts tell you that there is something wrong with them, or you would not have questions like these about them.
     
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  18. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Nomad,

    If these were people I knew, I would definitely confront them and offer this website as an alternative place to discuss the issues. Maybe they are too stupid to realize that this is inappropriate for the child?

    I have a FB friend who routinely posts when she is going out of town. I would never do that, but I was stalked by an ex-husband. That makes me much more cautious about sharing personal information.

    Someone needs to confront the issue for the sake of the child. He is only 8 and cannot argue with his parents about their poor choices. Think about it.

    I also tend to be more outspoken for children due to the fact that as a child myself, I was living in an unsafe environment. No adult ever did anything to protect me, including my own parents. I typically feel compelled to give the kids a voice.

    I remember years ago when I was working for the preschool, a mom obtained a restraining order against the father of two of our students. We had the father's photo in case he showed up at school and attempted to grab the kids. My supervisor said that she would not stand in his way if he came for the kids. I told her that I would confront him while she dialed 911. I was horrified that all my coworkers would just allow this abusive father to take his children from school without a fight.
     
  19. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Sigh. Thank you. Great points. I'm not inclined to say anything at this time however, I have noticed she seems to want to be my friend (or something akin to this). Maybe she kinda sorta recognizes that I too have a Difficult Child. Funny, she never ever asks for advice. This mom and dad seem to act like they know everything. Is this a millennial thing? I think if I were to speak now, she would not listen (most importantly) and it would cause bad family tension. HOWEVER, should I see any little door open in terms of comraderie between me and her, I will use it to talk about this. Additionally, although I've never seen any signs of actual abuse, I'm watching them carefully. Many many thanks. Great points and I certainly am thinking of what you said.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2017