Hi mudbarbie, welcome. I cannot give you any advice because I have different issues with a grown up difficult child. However, I feel your aloneness and I want to put my cyber mother arms around you and comfort you with the words, 'you are not alone anymore, you have ALL of us.' You are dealing with a lot, with the person you probably love the most, who has issues which are a struggle for him and for you. I know how you feel. Many here know how you feel. Keep venting, keep talking, it helps a lot. Listen to others who've been there, take what feels right, leave the rest here. But, do allow yourself to feel supported and acknowledged for all you do and what you feel. Big hugs to you dear Mom. Find avenues of support for yourself, that will help a lot too. Others here will let you know support systems for what you in particular require.