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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tvick, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. tvick

    tvick New Member

    :sad-very:I am so glad to have found a site for parent support. We have a 13 yr old that has just been diagnosed with ODD and possibly CD. He is explosive, refuses authority, school work, chores or anything that he doesn't want to do. This is complicated with having a daughter with Cerebal Pulsy. We have a structured enviornment, been happily married 18 years, the only tramadic event in our lives was the lose of our 3 1/2 month old daughter when our son was 2. We are at our ropes end! We even moved from a big school that was not interested in helping either of our children to a small school that is friendly, helpful and the teachers love being there. We gave up our house, put it on the market, moved into a tiny apt. that we hate, just to put them in a great school. He was excited to move, but has caused so much trouble! He was the first student ever in his jr. high to be exspelled and was almost placed in alternative schooling. He hates his sisters, he use to have a sweet heart, but that has seemed to change recently. He is being bullied at school, buy only because he is so mean to others and won't leave other kids alone. We just learned about ODD about a year ago. His dr. told us it was ADHD until the past month when he suggested ODD and a new dr., but at an early age his was so violent that I would have to physically restrain him to keep him from hurting himself or others, all because of his homework. I don't know what to do! We are now starting therapy, and I pray it works, but he scares me. I love my son. He is a miracle to us, but his is distroying the family and the other children are really starting to suffer! Has anyone gone through this and if so what have you done? We have no family close by so we NEVER get away, and the first time in 2 years that we spent 1 night away we had to come home early because he had his Grandmother in tears and she didn't know what to do with him. We really need help!

  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Since you will be looking for a new doctor anyway, I suggest having a Multi-disciplinary evaluation at the local Children's hospital. It should be a long evaluation - many hours. Usually 4 hours per appointment with multiple appointments - 8 to 12 hours of evaluating. There will be multiple doctors evaluating him.

    You & your husband need to switch watching him a couple night a week so you can each get away from the chaos for a little while. It is important for you to regain your strength to stay in the battle.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you thought about taking him to a neuropsychologist? ODD is sort of a throwaway "not sure what it is" diagnosis and ADHD...most kids have that diagnosis. first. It usually isn't the last one if a child is violent. I'd be looking at bipolar or Aspergers Sdyndrome.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oppositional and defiant behavior can be part of a whole host of disorders, so I would not necessarily accept ODD as the end-all diagnosis for your son.

    For example: My 15 1/2yo son has ADHD. We also know he is affected by anxiety in a significant way, so he has earned the diagnosis Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as well. Recently he has become more and more oppositional, provocative, beligerent, angry, irritable, his grades have dropped, he gets in physical fights at home, he's destructive, etc.

    Our psychiatrist now believes there's a more significant mood issue going on here. Not enough to call it bipolar, but it's enough to hopefully respond to a mood stabilizing medication. So that's what we're going to try next.

    So many disorders can exist on a spectrum, with a range of symptoms presenting in varying degrees, depending on the individual.

    I second the recommendation for a multi-disciplinary evaluation because it sounds like there's a complicated mix of issues going on.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi tvick and welcome!

    If you could do a signature like the ones at the bottom of the other posters' threads (see, it would really help us keep your particulars straight. ;) At this stage of life, I have a hard time remember my *kids'* particulars. :rofl:

    I absolutely agree with- getting a neuropsychologist evaluation. We all bring our particular biases to the board based on our experiences, but having a violent young kiddo who needed physical restraint raises the flag to me for a mood disorder (only because that was our life with thank you from age 4-9 at home and it continued when he was in RTCs).

    thank you was extremely violent and absolutely, our other children suffered. One of the best things I did (with this board's tutoring) was come up with- a safety plan for when he would rage. My oldest also has CP and is very severely involved. While thank you only specifically went after him physically once, oldest usually was in the line of fire when lamps and other objects started flying. My younger two kids were 6 and 2 at the time. The safety plan was as soon as thank you started to escalate, I would roll oldest into my bedroom, the 6 y/o would get the 2 y/o and head into my bedroom, and the door would get closed. There was a TV in our room and we kept some toys in there for the younger 2 kids. In hindsight, it was a lot to put on my 6 y/o but... we do what we have to do and the priority has to be safety. The safety plan didn't protect the kids from the vile verbal junk that thank you would spew but... at least they weren't in physical danger.

    I absolutely agree with- the concept of tag-team parenting. I would deal with- whatever until I was a hair away from losing it, and then husband would step in. We cannot be "on" 24/7 and stay sane. It took some practice for us but eventually it just became second nature to step in and pick up where the other left off.

    We have never lived near family and between oldest's needs and thank you's behaviors, there was absolutely no way we could ever get someone in so husband and I could have a "date" (last one was over 15 years ago!). We improvised. Played cards together after kids went to bed, watched movies together... little stuff, but it was time that was just for us, Sue and husband, not Mom and Dad. It's so important to nurture that relationship, but even more so when you have kids with- special needs.

    Does your son have an IEP? Are you still fighting the homework battle at home? How is he doing academically?

    Again, welcome and I'm so glad you found us!