New to this site need help with 3 yr old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by reeserayjakeandjosh, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. reeserayjakeandjosh

    reeserayjakeandjosh New Member

    I found this site thanks to a never ending quest to understand and find help for my little guy. Jakie is 3 yrs old and we have notice he was "differant" from infancy. I am the mother to 4 children Jakie being #3. We live in VERY RURAL community in Northern Ontario which is closest to there fathers work post. I am alone with them 5 days a week. We have no family dr due to a dr shortage and there are not phycologists or therepists closer than 4 hours away. This also an all french community and they are very intolerant of me and my children for being English. I have been asked not to bring my 3 yr back to the post office, the local pharmacy and i don't dare take him to the grocery alone. His behavior is that much of an issue. I cry myself to sleep everynight becuase i feel like i failed him somewhere. He never been abused in any way. My ex did have behavoir issues and has adhd. He was very abused and neglected as a child. im not sure if any of his issues mentally may have affected our son. Jakie has anything that would make a child happy. I am a stay at home mom and he has all the attention and affection a child could want but its never enough. HE has a very extreme temper i have physcials scars from him biting me( me only ) when he's mad. last week i told him no he couldnt have my coffe and he bit me til blood came from my arm. he hits me screams at me throws things at me and this is several times an hour. anytime i do something the least bit unnerving to him. i can put in the wrong dvd and it resorts to full explosions. he breaks all of his toys and anything left down in his reach
    if he is left un attended for me to go to the restroom he finds something to destroy. if im going he pours out anything he can find in the cabinets just and then shows me what he did with a smile, he finds drinking glasses and he throws them on the floor on purpose to watch them break. meal time brings me to tears. he knockes the plate in the floor full of food with angry screams or throws it at his 8 month old little brother. if he's in a tantrum and his brother is near or smiles at him he hits him throws stuff at him. if you can name it jakie does it during a day. this doesnt count outings. My friends will no longer come around they refer to him as the spawn of satan and a demon seed. i am at my wits end. He goes non stop all day long like he's on a constant sugar high even tho theres little in his diet. he doesnt sleep. bed times are another nightmare he usually screams til he makes himself vomit. i have trie time outs, i have tried removing toys i have tried possitve reinforcement i just dont know what to do anymore. Please can anyone help me give me some advice? thanks so much. I am sorry for the long post its just hard to describe jakie in short detail. thanks again
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Why not tell us about his early development? Did he talk on time? Make eye contact? Cuddle? Does he act approrpriately with same age peers? Does he play with toys the right way? Is there any way for him to get a neuropsychologist evaluation? I don't think he's a "bad" boy. I think he probably has some sort of disorder and it sounds a bit over-the-top for ADHD. Perhaps ex had more than ADHD too. These things are passed along genetically. It isn't your parenting. You are doing GREAT as a parent. This is in your child and has nothing to do with your excellent parenting skills. Can you see a neuropsychologist or a Developmental Pediatrician? I would dump any friends who call him those horrible names. He has a problem, he is not evil. He is a child who needs help.
  3. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Welcome. I am so sorry that you are having such trouble with your child. How exhausting and frightening for you. I am coming in late and I noticed today that some threads are not showing much input today so I picked yours as it seems unusual that not many welcomes are on it yet.
    It is so difficult when our children are not treated well by others and having the small towners isolating your even more telling you you can not go into the post office...what?
    Will the postmaster come out to your car then? Does your mail carrior come pick up packages and weigh them at your house?
    What are you suppose to do?
    This site is really great for alot of ideas and support and do turn here and get some do you deserve it.
    Welcome and happy horizons for your future.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi and welcome.

    Mental health issues do have a tendency to be genetic so if his father had problems and you're seeing extreme behavior in him, you really need to schedule and appointment with his doctor and see what you can do to move forward for an evaluation. I know the distance sounds daunting but this isn't going to get better without help and the starting point for helping a child is to find out what's up. If you need to travel out, make arrangements ahead of time for him to see all the specialists he needs over a few days period--his doctor's office should be able to do that for you. We suggest at least an evaluation by a developmental pediatrician, speech/language, and an occupational therapist. If he's not sleeping, you may also ask to have a sleep study done.

    Your doctor also may know of some options for programs or visiting therapists, etc. that you can plug into.

    What's his speech like? Any delays or very advanced speech for his age?
    What are eating habits like--is he very fussy about the kinds of foods he eats?

    Many parents here have used a natural product called Melatonin to help children get to sleep with good success and no or very few side effects.

    Order a copy of the book The Explosive Child and check out the thread about it at the top of this board.

    Also, I do want to encourage you to take some positive step forward for your own emotional well being. These children are extremely difficult to parent and if you're on your own five days a week you need some relief. Have you tried having someone come in so you can get away? Many kids that act up to this degree will do okay with someone else for brief periods.
  5. reeserayjakeandjosh

    reeserayjakeandjosh New Member

    I am new to post anything other than for sale add( boy how much stuff kids out grow)Jakie speach is severly delayed he can say maybe 10 words. We took him to see a speach therepist for an evalutaion back in sept but she says " wont be albe to see him til next year sometime" and we havent heard from her since. the report said he is around 18 months in development there. I have called back several times and i get no return calls. we took him to see an audiologist his hearing is perfectly fine. All of this has been on our own. I wish i had a family doctor to take him too. there is a walk in clinic but its far from walk in its usually booked a month in advance and its a differant dr everytime. He saw the pediatrician that comes here once a month it usualyy takes 2-3 months to get an appointment with him. He said i think he has adhd and theres nothing you can do for him at this age. I asked isnt there someone who can evaluate him. Not up here was his response and he left the room. this whole visit was less than 5 min. i was so angry. Jacob did everything else on time like a normal child except he has had fits for as long as i can remember. he's very affectionate when he wants to be. in between his temper tantrums. the wrong movie the worng flavor of juice anything sets him off. He didnt sleep thru the night til he was 18 months old he slept maybe 2 or three hours at a time. and no matter how i tried to put him to bed it resulted in him screaming til the landlord who lived upstairs complained shut him up or he made himself throw up. His dad and i have never seperated we seldom fight ( he's not here enough to fight) jacob has had a loving nurturing home. The dr situation here is pathetic at best. our 8 month old has had 1 set of baby shots because theres no appointment available to get them. his second set ofshots are feb 9 at 9 months old. It took me 6 months to get an appoint ment to see a dr for a consulation on a surgery i desperatly need. My husband is considering quitting his job so we can move where the boys have access to better medical care. If the people here are o.k. with life like this then they can have it. There is no home mail delivery here everyone in town has a post office box. I have never seen the postmaster and like everyone else im not french so i dont matter. i leave my house now once a week when his dad is home to tend to him it better for Jakie that way. I refuse to let anyone insult him or make him feel bad about himself. I know this isnt his fault. The only friend i have left is my husband. The others have nothing nice to say about my son and i wont let them insult him. I know he has a medical condition i just dont know which one. Even if its just him and I he will always be able to say mommy never gave up on me. If he leads a healthy productive life as an adult its worth anything i have or may lose in the future to get him there. Oh i tried the day care here to help him interact with other kids but everyone spoke french and he isolated himself in a corner and played alone. so i brought him back home after a few mornings. I have tried everything i can think of. I am trying to get another appointment with the once a month pediatrician but that as i said may well take months. and hope with persistance he does something. thanks for listening hopefully maybe this helps understand him a bit more
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Whenever children have serious behavior problems along with severe speech delay, they need to be evaluated for Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)'s are a wide range of disorders so it's important not to dismiss it just because it doesn't fit with what you might associate with Autism.

    Go back to the doctor and tell them you want him evaluated for Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Tell them he is severely speech delayed, has out of control behavior, and sits in a corner instead of playing with other kids (the language isn't a valid excuse--most 3 year olds handle that much better than adults). Make a video of his out of control behavior so he can see what you are going through.

    We are only parents here so please understand that we don't diagnose, but we can recommend that you request this evaluation based on what you've said here.

    -Does he do a lot of lining up of toys or other objects in straight lines or formations? Or stack them up?
    -Does he wave or flap his hands back and forth quickly?
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2009
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If a kid has a speech delay along with other quirks in behavior, take him to an Autistic specialist (I prefer NeuroPsychs) to see if he's on the spectrum. Here's an online test for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to help you see if he's a "spectrum" child. I have one. It took forever to get the right diagnosis and these kids do so much better with very early intervetions. I kept getting told "wait." I'm glad I didn't listen. Social cluelessness, not "getting it", not liking to be touched, sensivitivity to sounds, touch or texture and other possible symptoms. Not playing the right way with toys (lining them up or dismanting them or just breaking them, but not using imaginative play), poor eye contact with strangers etc. If you look at most infants, they will stare at you, like, in their shopping carts. They'll even smile. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids tend to make poor eye contact with people they don't know. It's almost like they can't. My Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) son has said, "Eyes are GROSS." Here ya go.