Jannie, don't feel embarrassed. Kids will be kids, difficult children will be difficult children, especially. New Year's Eve is a HUGE break in routine for them - any other people there who do not understand are not worth bothering with. Certainly not worth impressing.
Think of it this way - other families there were probably grateful that they weren't in your shoes. You made them feel better about their own situations. So you are a good person, making other people feel good. That is not something to be embarrassed about.
And if you're worried about other people thinking you're a bad parent - don't. What YOU know yourself to be, and what your children will think of you when they're grown - THAT is what is important.
Parents stop having fun when they have children. Any fun gleaned in the subsequent years is purely coincidental and does not reflect the opinions of the ruling majority.
Some things definitely worthwhile when you have kids - seeing new things from their fresh point of view. Sharing joy with them on a child-to-child basis. If this means that next year you choose to celebrate New Year in a different way, so be it.
We had planned to go out and spend New Year with friends who had sent out a general invitation to their house. I thought it would have been good for difficult child 3, finally getting old enough to try to blend in a bit more and not be closeted away. The invitation said to bring your kids, difficult children and all. Swimming pool to be used (it's midsummer here) while the parents sip wine on the balcony and watch the city fireworks. In Sydney, the New Year's Eve fireworks are doubled up, with a 9 pm display for those whose kids are just too young to stay up.
But we didn't get to go. I had just spent the day in hospital with severe headache of unknown cause and husband didn't want me to risk getting it back again. So we stayed home, him, me and difficult child 3. Again. We watched TV and then watched the fireworks. Instead of a friend's second storey balcony, we had to crane our necks in the street to see just the highest ones. But we still enjoyed ourselves. Yes, we would have had more fun socialising and being 'normal', but life is unpredictable and keeps us on our toes.
Last year we had family visiting, and we had our own party. At midnight we let the kids go outside to light sparklers and light sticks. difficult child 3 had gone to bed when it all got too much, but we woke him up and let him join in the fun, before we took him home and put him to bed.
We make our own fun with our kids, according to what they (and we) can handle.
It's OK for a kid to sleep in a corner, or in a borrowed bed, until it's time for the countdown. Too often we try to live as if we have no kids at all, or as if they are an inconvenience hampering our lifestyle. We forget that our aim for the next twenty years is to raise this small person to be able to live a positive, fulfilling and productive life, independent of us. This means that for some time, they rely on us to meet their needs. It is important for them to see us looking after our own needs, but when t here are major changes in their routine we need to expect (and plan for) problems. They happen with all kids, not just difficult children.
With difficult children - if a roomful of people and especially other kids, all hyped up and hopped up on sugar, is NOT a good mix, then perhaps limiting the time exposed to this is best. A short visit earlier in the night with an early departure before problems break out is a success. Next year maybe the visit can be for longer.
The new year begins now. I hope it improves for you from here.
Marg
