As the screen name implies, I am a sad and lost mother at wit's end. My story is so complicated I don't know how I can make it reasonably intelligible, but will try. My son's father died when he was 9. There is an ex boyfriend who has been in difficult child's life since 4 and who has infiltrated my entire family as a way to stay connected to me (it is no secret that he has wanted me back all these years). He friended my ex husband and supposedly made a deathbed promise to fill in the role of father, something I have absolutely no evidence for and difficult child's father never talked to me about it. Up until recently I have trusted him, but since I reconnected with my lost love 5 years ago ex boyfriend (as the jilted ex) has acted as a wedge between difficult child and I, and my husband. difficult child changed after his dad died. He buried his grief and later his extreme defiance surfaced. He has been in counseling off and on but has never been diagnosed with anything in particular. Ever since middle school he has been unmanageable in his ways, although he is not violent or abusive.....just extremely lazy, blaming of others for his problems and behavior, very manipulative and disrespectful. In the past couple of years he has become a pathological liar and drinking (and probably drugs) are a problem. He has been fired from several jobs and he is supposed to graduate from HS this month but he is failing at least 3 classes. Nobody knew what I was dealing with, including ex boyfriend. It was beyond normal. When I remarried, the only person who saw it was husband. I now believe he is undiagnosed ODD. I used to think that was a BS psychobabble thing, but I now believe in it's reality. My sister and ex boyfriend have meddled in my relationship with difficult child so much that it's become impossible for him to be accountable for his choices. Ex boyfriend became a bigger problem for me after I married husband and it began to surface what a malevolent force he has been in my family. He has interfered in my parenting, lied to me, and my sister has covered up for his lies. I warned difficult child for 6 months that if his behavior didn't change he would be kicked out. He knew exactly what was expected of him. His final warning came about 6 weeks ago after he came home drunk and broke a window to get into the house, and tried to lie about it. Ex boyfriend, rushing to difficult child's defense, created a scenario where he had difficult child convinced I was stealing his social security money. He came home accusing me of stealing "his" money. That money that we'd been receiving for 9 years was for his care and as long as he was in school I was responsible for him. That's another story altogether....bottom line is that ex boyfriend meddled where he had no business and caused the complete breakdown of my relationship with difficult child. That was 6 weeks ago. Him coming home and accusing me of stealing his money was the final straw and we kicked him out. He will no longer communicate with me. My therapist believes ex boyfriend is a sociopath. My family is split in 2 with my sister siding with ex boyfriend. Another sister sides with me. I believe that as long as ex boyfriend is still involved in my family I won't be able to have a good relationship with my son. It's like he is on the dark side, being influenced by liars and sociopaths. What can I do except detach? Any words of wisdom or advice is welcome.