My 19-year-old difficult son and his wife have been married 2 months now (she's also 19) and the honeymoon is already over. I attribute most of the trouble to the fact that my son is immature, controlling, impatient, and just not being a very good person. His wife is a very sweet young woman who has been confiding in me because she said she has nobody else to talk to about him. Her own mother is a drug addict who abandoned the family when the children were small. daughter in law gave my son an ultimatum the other day. She said if he doesn't have a job within one month, she will leave and either get her own apartment or go back to live with her dad. She's been working and paying all their expenses, including rent (they're still living with us), some groceries, and she just gave my son $500 to pay for his court costs. She said she loves him, but she can't keep living in his bedroom in our house if he's not going to try to get a job. She told me that since she gave him the deadline, he's been accusing her of being crazy, of not communicating with him, of being angry all the time. She said she doesn't want to talk to him because he's so unreasonable and hard to talk to, and she feels so confused by the things he's saying that she can't think straight. There have been several bad incidents, the latest of which happened last weekend when her younger brother was in the hospital and she wanted my son to stay with her until he was discharged. He had overdosed, and she was very upset about it. She told me she just wanted her husband to stay with her. Instead, he took off walking six miles back home (she wouldn't drive him). He apparently had money, but said he didn't want to break a $20 to pay $2 for bus fare. He also took her car keys so she had to get a ride home from her dad. Yesterday when she went home for lunch, he told her to leave him alone. Now he's telling her to take her clothes and leave. They both called me about everything this morning. I tried to be sympathetic but noncommittal. I think they should work things out, but they're both so young and I feel like I should try to help them. I hate to see them give up on their marriage already, but B is so distraught. She said she's not going to let him make her feel bad about things, and she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She said she doesn't want to leave him, but will if it means preserving her sanity so she can keep her job. I told her to take a step back and think about doing what is right for her. Meanwhile, son is angry and calling her names. He said he's "done." He even cursed at her at the hospital when she wouldn't take him home. He contends that she is unreasonable and won't talk to him to work things out. Just since I started writing this, he texted me "The xxx B told you is chicken xxxx for the record. She is so xxxx manipulative it's ridiculous. I'm so sick of this." I can tell I'm already more invested in this than I should be, but they want me to talk to them together this evening. I have suggested that they talk to one of their counselors (they both see psychologists) together. I feel guilty suggesting that they call it quits, but at this point I hate to see them being miserable when it seems like their only hope for happiness would be for my son to have a major personality overhaul. However, he reminds me of a phase my own husband went through, and he got help later and is a different (better) person now. I stuck with him because I had kids already and didn't feel like I had options, but B and my son don't have that to consider. Just wondering if I'm wasting my time trying to help them, or should I just keep pointing them to counseling? Is this enabling? I feel like I'm getting myself into their mess.