Ok so something strange

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DavidH, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. DavidH

    DavidH Guest

    Justin is doing awesome still I have been so proud I even called my own Dad to give him an update... (most you remember my dad met Justin for first time just after he was placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC))

    Well I am not sure what to think of this call... I am beaming with pride and expresing it for Justin's sake... as I do not much give two pennies what this man thinks of me... but I wanted to include him for justin's sake as I remember my relationship with my granddad and cherish it to this day een though he died in 1976.. ( I wanted to see if justin could have this)

    Well he does not sound to impressed with the report... and he states..

    "Well if he is doing so good then why has he not written me back since November" "This tell me something else is going on if he wants to hear from family in letters, yet he is not replying"

    I am just dumbfounded and simply told him I could not answer as to why no reply but would ask Justin... I had family session this wednesday at thr Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and did ask Justin and he really had no answer but that he is busy at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ...

    Does this comment seem strange or is it just my dislike for this man?
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    The comment seems a bit curmudgeonly, but something my own grandfather would have said. People today do not write letters the way they used to. Older people tend to place more value on letters than email or other forms of communication.

    It might be that Justin did not know that he was expected to write back? If Justin wants a relationship with your dad, then he should write and apologize for being so tardy with the letter.

    You may have to stop and think about why your father and Justin did not meet until Justion was 14. If there is a REASON for this, then maybe encouraging Justin to write back is not the best thing you can do. Just because his father was a good grandpa does not mean your father will be a good grandpa.

    But learning to write letters IS a good skill, and valuable as an adult.

    I am sorry your dad was not as enthusiastic as you wanted him to be.

    I am enthusiastic, Justin seems to be making wonderful progress and thriving at this program!!!!

  3. DavidH

    DavidH Guest

    You know susie... I am sure your 100% right..

    Just because his father was a good grandpa does not mean your father will be a good grandpa.

    I think this maybe my wishful thinking for Justin.. to have something I had... and once again it may backfire... ugg

    I only told Justin if he did in fact want to hear from "grandpa" then he should write back it is only the polite thing to do but was up to him.

    Oh I had to look up that word you used... curmudgeonly .. wow ur a smart cookie... and yep that is him for sure
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ahhhh, don't let him take the wind out of your sails! If dad was an old prune to you, he very may well be an old prune altogether.

    Writing letters is a great skill. But the "J-Man" seems to be content with satisfying himself and you. You've been his sole support and current cheerleader for everything. Your Mom has loved him and basically been proud of him throughout everything.

    in my humble opinion, he needs a grandpa as much as he needs his mother poking around. Fair-weather friends who seem self-involved are the last thing he needs in his hair right now.

    Keep up the great work with you, your self-improvements and Justin. The way things are going around here, I love reading about the success stories!

    In my thoughts and prayers!
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Granted "grandpa" didn't know Justin til in the midst of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but still...if being a grandpa had changed him, I wouldn't have expected that to be the only comment he had. If he's as grumbly about a return letter as this given what Justin has been and the progress he's making now and the person he's becoming, its not likely grandpa will be a positive person in Justin's life.

    I'd let sleeping dogs lie.

    On that note, if you feel a grandfatherly figure would be a positive thing in Justin's life, there are plenty of older people who would love to share a relationship with a young person. Wee difficult child has a set of "non"-grandparents that he adores, and they love him to pieces.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Shari and Beth are right. In remembering your Grandpa, if you want Justin to have a grandpa, many many seniors are happy to help out. I was blessed to have a lots of grandparents, but also had neighbors who were my grandparents.

    Keep your heart open and you will find a father figure and grandfather figure (for you and Jman). Someone who isn't so grumpy and unhappy to be around (as he seems to be).

    You and Jman have BOTH been making great progress! WE are proud of you!!!

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    An option for finding good grandparent figures, is to take your kids regularly visiting old folks homes. Just go visiting, it builds good social skills. And if you find someone there who you seem to 'click' with, then see what happens from there as relationship.

  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I have a 14 year old boy and I would guess that the number of teen boys that would keep up with their grandparents on their own would be pretty low.

    I wouldn't worry about it. Let it pass.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'd suggest getting Justin to send Grandpa a birthday card, but would absolutely not expect anything more. He's a teenage boy and unless he's been religious about writing letters to this point, I wouldn't worry about it. And I wouldn't worry about Grandpa, either. I agree with-everyone else ... there are lots of people around who would love to interact with-a kid that age and not expect a thank you note in response. Good luck!