OOPS- judgment call/advice needed on MINOR difficult child dilemma

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Signorina, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Remember my seesaw posts just a mere two weeks ago? (seems like a lifetime ago?) difficult child was staying, in debt and I was riding my white horse to his rescue...

    ANYWHO - the evening he told H he was in debt and failed out; H told him to print out the information, give us the access codes/passwords and we would figure it out. I paid of his delinquent back accounts/overdraft/visa to the tune of $1700 and he closed the accounts at my insistence. (I later found out he had no intention of closing the accounts. yada yada yada)

    Long story shortened - when I logged on to his accounts THAT NIGHT TWO+ WEEKS AGO to assess the damage, I noticed that the contact information for "text account alerts" was his girlfriend's cell number. (which he had been using when he opened the accounts having left his cell phone on our doorstep in Sept. We later sent it to him and he is still using it.) So I changed the text alert telephone number to my OWN cell number, figuring I was paying off the accounts and I wanted to be notified if his stupid landlord starting dinging the account for back rent even though I was paying them by my own check. And truth be told, the idea that he might reopen the Visa did come to mind.

    Guess what? He apparently reopened the accounts and I just got a "warning low balance" text alert. OOPS. I haven't spoken to him or heard from him since I kissed him goodnight on Sunday 1/22. (he left on 1/23 but never said a word, even when I told him I loved him and kissed him goodbye) He's since changed his login info, so I can't delete my number from his bank alerts. Apparently, he didn't look closely enough when he reopened his account to learn that my number was on the alerts.

    I really don't want to bring this to his attention. A) because he will be ****** that I changed the text alert number and B) because he will think I am trying to weasel my way back into his life and C) because he will think I am calling him to harp about the low balance.

    Can my board sisters absolve me from the duty to call him? And if not, can you give me the courage to get in touch and tell me how to do it and what to say?

    PS-I actually did email him today which makes me want to contact him even less. (See "B" above) He sent his younger brother 2 XBox games that they used to share (difficult child has since sold his xbox) but no note or anything. I sent a quick "thanks for sending C the games".
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't think you should do anything due to A, B, and C above.

  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would not tell him anything. He reopened it and it's his responsibility to manage it. What would he do if he got the alert anyway? Are you still paying his rent? I thought you were only paying this months and the rest was up to him.

    But that is my opinion and you should do what you feel is best.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Of course you should NOT contact him. His finances are his business. He CLEARLY does not want to involve you, so you have NO ZIP ZERO ZILCH NADA responsibility or business discussing this with him. Let HIM deal with it. I would delete the texts unread if possible in the future.

    Go do something fun and let HIM worry about all this.
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    No longer paying his rent. I paid the past due January + Feb and that's all. Regretfully, he'll be fine. May is all ready paid, his security deposit will take care of Apr & he has his cash advance line to use for March & his living $. No need to get a job ugh

    Originally-when we thought he was staying home- I was going to pay off the balance due thru his lease (may) I decided to only pay Jan/Feb because I wanted some leverage w the LL. I planned to give the LL the remaining payments in return for the LL formally releasing difficult child from the lease. Lucky break for me that my misplaced suspicion meant I didn't pay it all at once.
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks for the pep talk and the affirmation. I used the strength you provided to text back "stop" to the bank. Received a return txt that "text alerts for this account now disabled".

    Washing my hands of it
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you!!
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Can you block the texts from your phone? That way, he doesnt know you are getting them and you dont see them either.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good. The bank is closed. I wanted to tell you no way but didn't want you to be offended. I wouldn't give him one more penny for anything. Summer will come before you know it and he will be out of money.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My one concern is that your accounts are not tied to his in anyway are they? I found out the hard way with one of my kids that I had let them open an account at my credit union and they tied their checking account to my savings account and when they thought they closed the account out, an auto draft attempted to come out for two more months and it caused that empty account to go into the red and they took it out of my savings account. I found that out and had to contact my son to have him notify that auto draft place plus really close the account correctly. He thought just letting it go to a zero balance was closing the account. Ahhh....he was young...lol. He did pay me back.
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Fortunately it's the university credit union and his own acct - and not a bank we use. I did complain to the credit union that they violated the credit act of 2010 by issuing a Visa card to a college student under the age of 21 who does not have income. I provided a copy of my canceled check with the words "to close acct" on it and let them know that I would not pay it off again and that I thought they were nuts to reopen it. I got a pissy email back about privacy,that the CU follows the law, that I was not obligated to pay difficult child's debts blah blah blah. (I also filed a complaint with the FTC.) I expected as much- but hope someone there took a look at difficult child's accounts and at least limited the amount of credit extended to him. I still can't believe an unemployed kid who earned $5000 max over the summer was extended $1800 in credit!

    Not my problem ...
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! Ddd