I know I really had trouble for a long time about my house/home and difficult child. After all, he grew up in this neighborhood and in this house, from the age of 5. He is now almost 25. He walked to elementary school, he swam in the neighborhood pool, explored the woods, waded in the creek, skateboarded and rollerbladed in the driveway and all over, had best friends who were/are our neighbors. His cat followed him home from school one day---I still have here here. So...I had a really, really hard time getting to this place, where I am today, of saying this: You are no longer welcome here. It has been inch by inch. Day by day. Month by month. Year by year. With a lot of "slips" along the way, even as recently as two months ago. Why have I concluded he can't come here? Here is why: ***I don't want to be around active addiction with a very close family member for very long at all. I love them, and thus it is very hard for me to be in the presence of the thinking, the decisions, the actions, the conversations, the "being high". It hurts me too much. And I don't like it. It's the same with my brother, who is an active alcoholic. Very small doses. ***I can't trust difficult child. He steals. ***When he is in my house, I am very anxious. I don't know what he is going to do or say next. I am nervous. I can't relax. ***Let's say he gets clean. He still doesn't need to live with me. He is a grown man. An adult. I don't believe God wants adult people to live with other adult people they gave birth to. It doesn't work. It almost never works. I say the "God" sentence a little tongue in cheek, but not much. He has to make his own way, live on his own, pay for his own roof, food, etc. That is what being an adult is. That is where self-esteem comes from, being tired at the end of the day, not having energy to make trouble, etc. That is real life. ***I need my home to be my haven. This is a reason that I got from someone else's postings on this forum. I had not put words to this feeling. I need a safe place for me. Where I can be myself, and I don't have to be on guard. I don't want easy child to live here either. Thank goodness he does not. And even when he visited, which I was so glad he did, after three or four days, it's time for him to leave. I believe that is normal. I have come to the conclusion that it is perfectly right and okay for me to set boundaries about my house and my property. I have told difficult child in the past months that he is not to come here without an invitation. I know that sounds harsh, and it actually felt very harsh when I said it, but you know what? That is what I needed to say. Knowing that he can just pop up at any moment is very unsettling for me. Inasmuch as I can, I want to guard against it. The last time he came uninvited at 3 a.m., I told him to meet me at the garage, we got in my car, and I was prepared to drop him off at an all night truck stop and buy him breakfast and leave him there. He asked to go to an all-night laundromat instead so I took him there. I meant what I said. Don't come here without an invitation. You will be leaving soon if you do. I have also told him I will call the police if he comes here uninvited. I'm going by the 51% rule now. I am 1% more important than he is, to myself. I love my son very much, but his behavior is unacceptable to me. Until it changes, he's just not welcome here, unless I decide to invite him. Today, I see him away from my house, and that is working much better for me.