Out of Control 15 Year old Boy- HELP!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Frantic Parent, Mar 13, 2017.

  1. Frantic Parent

    Frantic Parent New Member

    Hello,

    I'm new to this and I am completely at the end of my rope. I am a single mother who has raised my son alone for 15 years. His Dad has never really been in his life and move away 5years ago out of state and he hasn't seen him since.
    Recently within the past year or so my son has gone completely off the rails. It started with normal teenage drama. Not listening, not doing homework. But in the past year he has broken into a school, got arrested, smoking cigarettes, smoking vape pens, drinking alcohol, smoking pot, failing all his freshman courses across the board, stopped running on his track team. ( he was one of the star athletes at the school) ran away for about 3 days, then broke into another apartment in our complex (which just so happened to be his pot dealers house so he could steal a gram of weed) which then resulted into me getting evicted. The dropping out of track, running away and the breaking into the apartment all happened within a week of each other. I drug tested him and he only came up dirty for pot. ( unfortunately that is a good thing for us right now) but even after all of that he has ZERO remorse. In fact, he thinks he is doing nothing wrong and I'm just making it a big deal! I am now frantically looking for new places to live but it's hard because I now have an eviction on my record and he could careless. When I told him we would have to move away from where we live and it might mean a new high school he threw a fit because I was taking him away from his school and friends. Like I have a choice at this point?! Because of this I grounded him, caught him with his cell phone, and he refused to hand it over. I literally had to wrestle him for it! This whole thing is just completely out of control and insane. It only gets worse. I have no idea what to do at this point. Everything just continues to go in the wrong direction. I'm terrified for him and his future but he won't listen to a word I say! Any advice would be appreciated because I'm at an utter loss. I have never felt so completely helpless.
     
  2. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    You are already doing what I would do - move away, take away the cell phone, drug testing, etc.

    You may have some "leverage" with the moving away thing. Say if he can pass drug tests in the future, you will not move away. Say that good kids get good things (like cell phones, etc.)

    Also the police in my area will come and talk with bad kids. They call it "counseling". Might ask if they do that in your area. Also ask the police if they know of any programs (like scared straight) in your area.

    Ask your school counselor if they have any parenting classes you can attend. Like Collaborative Parenting. These are great for helping you!
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When I found out daughter was using pot, we cut off all her everything including allowance. Actually she was using a lot more than pot but we didnt know. Drug tests dont show all drugs, by the way

    We told all our kids that if they broke the law, they were on their own. I dont know what I would have done if my daughter ever broke and entered into an apartment. I would probably have let her face the consequences. No lawyer on my dime.

    In the end my daughter quit all drugs, including cigarettes. She is an organic food lover and anti even Tylenol and a very good mother and partner today, not in trouble at all. Been over ten years.

    It can happen, but in my opinion with drugs you have to be tough. Boundaries and tough love worked here.if your son ever lays an aggressive hand on you, call the police right away. If he wont give you his cell phone, dont fight with him. You could get hurt. Cut off his service by calling your provider. He can do odd jobs to earn money to pay his own cell bill. My daughter worked, even on drugs, when we cut off any extra money and today she has a great work ethic.

    I would tell him I wont pay for Drivers Education unless he gets his act together. We took car privledges away from my daughter. Locked up our car keys. Drugs, including pot, and driving are apt to cause more trouble.
    I am so sorry. Hope things get better. Are you in therapy?
     
  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I think it's time for some tough love. Because of him, you have an eviction on your record. This is very serious. I am a landlord and I know this firsthand.

    If he won't respect you maybe he will respect the police.

    Nobody can make a decision for anyone other than themselves. If this were my child I would go to court and file a Child in Need of Supervision report against him. I would contact social services and report that your son is out of control and you need some help and options.

    I would not take his crap for one more day.

    He uses drugs? Drugs are illegal. Call the cops.

    He assaults you? That's also illegal. Call the cops.

    He breaks into people's homes? That is burglary and/or robbery. Illegal. Call the cops.

    You don't have to provide anything but clothing and shelter and food. Doesn' t have to be the brands he wants to wear or the food he enjoys. Let him earn his own money and buy his own things if he doesn't like what you provide.

    Note that the list of what a parent is legally obligated to provide for a minor child does not include a cell phone. Let him keep the device. Cancel every single service on it. See how it suits him.

    He is under your control...not the other way around. No matter WHAT he thinks.
     
  5. crazygram

    crazygram New Member

    So sorry for the condition your son is in it has to be heartbreaking. You do have much wisdom. I live in Calif. and I'm wondering if some of the
    help you've mentioned is available. I am not sure if I can keep going
    with my out of control 13 yr. old grandson.
     
  6. Move and start over fresh. We tried a boot camp intervention and we have no contact with our adult daughter. It has been so for years. We believed it was best to keep her at her old school and do the counseling with help from outside. If we knew what we know now, we would have moved to another town and started over fresh.
     
  7. crazygram

    crazygram New Member

    Reading these posts makes me realize my boy is not so bad. Lazy yes ungrateful yes but I created this and now I'm going crazy. I have been trying to make up for the fact he has no father and may as well have no mother as she is addicted and homeless.