Overnight field trip

[PollyParent]

In February my son's fourth grade class is going on a three day two night "Outdoor education" field trip. I think he'd be fine sleeping away from home, that's not the issue, but his behavior and his ability to participate with the class is.

His aide and his case manager have told me that they are not able to attend, and that a parent must. Supposedly if I go, we will have to have a separate cabin from the rest of the class as mothers are not allowed to sleep in the boys cabin. OK fine, so that means that it would have to be his Dad to go.

Except Dad is not as good with son as I am in managing my son's outbursts. Dad tends to push him harder to participate and is more aggressive with him. So I'm concerned about having my son rely on his Dad for the trip, but on the other hand, it could be a great experience for them both.

Keeping him home doesn't quite seem like th right answer either -- it seems as if most of the class will be participating. The outdoor education center is about an hour and half away.

I can't decide whether to figure out a way for him to attend or to pull him from participation. Anybody have any experience with this situation or have any advice?

Thanks

PollyParent

 

[busywend]

Talk to husband. See if he will be able to be supportive on the trip. If not, it might not be a good idea to go. Or pay the extra money for another cabin.

 

[Star*]

What if YOU took difficult child to someplace special instead of the camping trip? A day trip to a hands on kid museum and a night at a swanky hotel with an indoor pool and game room with a virtual no limit on game tokens instead? One on one time?

Just a thought.

 

[babybear]

We had the same type of trip planned when difficult child was in 4th grade. My first thought was no way would it work. Her teacher and her case manager talked me into it, saying they would work it out somehow. About a week before the trip they decided it wouldn't work and she did not go.

It was so much more traumatic, for both of us, than it needed to be. If I had it to do over again I would have stuck with no from the beginning. However, me going was never an option. I think that it would have been too much for her even if I was there. Too much of a change in routine, plus no familiar place to unwind at the end of the day. I don't think it would have gone well at all.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

We had a trip like that when I was in grade school (150 years ago) but the SIXTH graders went, not the 4th graders. in my humble opinion, 4th grade is a bit young, but then that was 150 years ago.

It really is a neat opportunity. I would see what could be done about getting husband to accompany him. Between now & Feb, maybe you could emphasize to husband the importance of managing the outbursts in a friendlier manner than he has in the past.

Good luck, really! I'd hate to see him miss the trip.

 

[meowbunny]

Is there any chance he could sleep in the cabin with the boys and you sleep separately? That way, if he needed the help, he could be pulled from the cabin to stay with you but if he was fine, he could be "one of the boys."

I understand you not wanting husband to do this. I think it is hard for some men to not try to force their children, especially boys, to participate. They really do think they're helping by forcing no matter what the evidence shows.

I hope you can find a way to do this. It is one of those things that stays in the memory of the child long into adulthood. However, if it can't be done, do try to find something else for him to do during this time. Having to stay home for any reason stinks, having to stay home because you're different really stinks.

 

[Sheila]

Unless they are requiring all parents to go, they may not require that you or husband go. If they need to get another aid to fill in, that's what they need to do.

That doesn't necessarily mean that holding the sd's feet to the fire is the best avenue to take for your child. Just that in the event you weren't aware, you do have another option.

All children with-IEPs are covered by Section 504 which is a discrimination law. The sd not allowing your child to participate if a parent doesn't accompany him would be discrimination in my opinion.

 

[susiestar]

I agree that requiring a parent to go is discrimination. An aide is a much better idea because most of our parents listen to anyone else better than they do to us.

I would problem end up going and having him sleep with the boys and you sleep elsewhere or with the girls. There is very little reason you and he should be forced to sleep elsewhere. in my humble opinion THAT is also discrimination. It would further label him as different, not one of hte guys.

Good luck and let us know how this turns out.

Susie