Please help

[Shan]

I have. 4 kids 26 22 21 and 18 been married. 27. I just need some advice my kids all treat me like crap . I've been told by. 18 yr old to get out of his room. Called me names flips me off anything you name it. . Others were just as bad. It's like I'm a nothing. . Yes when they do this I get hurry and I will yell and go right back at them. I think what hurts the most ? My husband just sits there and does nothing , says nothing . Thinks it is okay fir them to do this bc I'm not miss innocent as he says. Yes I nag about room dishes in room or way they talk to me and this is ok for them to have such disrespect . It's like I'm being verbally abused by my 18 yr old and he makes excuses for these kids behavior that even makes me feel worse . I went to my moms to visit and when got back was asked why are you back ? Or it wS great without you here . I just don't know what to do . Sometimes I just wNt to cry. They are respectful to other people just not me then I'm told to take a joke I just can't deal with it anymore. I just don't know what to do. Hopefully someone can give me advice as I get no help from husband

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. I'm so sorry you are feeling the need to come here and even sorrier that your children are abusing you. You ARE being abused and your husband is allowing it to happen. As their mother, and head of the house, you have every right to tell your grown children that if they want to live with you they will have to clean their rooms and that they can not disrespect you. If they do, you can welcome them to leave. However, since your husband allows it, I am not sure about how to respond to this.

I suggest you post on the forum called Parent Emeritus, which is for parents of adult children, most of us who have been or are being abused by them. You will learn a lot from those wise people there and learn how we cope and how many of us took back our power from our abusers, even if they were our spouse and our grown children. This particular forum is for parents of minor children, and it's different territory. Are all of your kids still living with you in your home? Do they work? Any drugs?Assaults? Any of them destroy your property or steal from you? Does your husband abuse you, even verbally? He could be the one who set the tone, which in my opinion is way wrong...

Your husband must have some issues. Why does he allow your children to abuse you and not speak up in your defense? That must be very hurtful to you. Are you in therapy? What is the state of your marriage?

Most of us on Parent Emeritus are detaching from our abusive adult children, and learning to live good, full lives in spite of them. Some of us have gone low contact with them. Some have no contact. There are many options for you. You have to take care of yourself because YOU matter every bit as much as they do and there is no excuse..none..for them to abuse you or for you to listen to their abuse. Sounds like you are beaten down and don't think much of yourself, but you are a loving, deserving person who can learn to love herself and not let others walk on her. Trust me...most of us have been there.

I hope to see you on Parent Emeritus. I'm glad to "meet" you, but so sorry you had to come to the board. We do give one another strength.

 

[Shan]

Thank you I will

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Shan, hi and welcome! I second that visiting the Parent Emeritus Board would be a better fit for you! See you over there...

Sharon