Police Just Left Again

[Stella Johnson]

Apparently someone who doesn't even know my difficult child's name called CPS and told them that difficult child has a black eye from me slapping her.

CPS sent the police to make sure she wasn't "in danger". The officer took one look at her and said he could tell she is far from abused. He said he thought that this would be the end of it. He has to make a report and hopefully CPS will drop it.

Who in the world called CPS to tell them she has a black eye when she doesn't? THey said they SAW this black eye. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif But didn't know her name????

I'm just sick of this. I can't count how many cps investigations we have been through. They always get dropped. They never do anything to help. Just invade my life, go through everything, call everyone then go away.

Steph

 

[Wiped Out]

Hugs Steph. I'm sorry this happened. It's just not right.

 

[amy4129]

steph-
because of the number of cps investigation can't you get an attorney to make them stop? One time great check on my child, even 3 times but this seems to be excessive.
Amy

 

[witzend]

sheesh...

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

So sorry this happened to you. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow will be a better day... WFEN

 

[Stella Johnson]

amy,
I don't think there is anything legally that I can do. Most of the calls were made by the school after difficult child started telling whoppers about how abused she is. Different ppl almost every time.

steph

 

[Hound dog]

Awww Steph! Good grief.

Any possiblity it was a mistake, and the reporting person spotted another child with a black eye? ( I know, probably not)

Hopefully the police check will be the end of it.

(((hugs)))

 

[Marguerite]

Steph, I know it's a hassle but every time a false claim is lodged and investigated, it buys you more credibility, and the accusers, less. Bring 'em on! And you can always say publicly (while you privately fume) that you're glad that they are prompt to investigate these things because sometimes, in some cases, there could be a problem.

Your file should be filling up with unproven false claims. Eventually, whoever is making these accusations is going to get into serious legal trouble, while you will become virtually untouchable.

While not involving child welfare, we had a similar problem in our village - a rather nasty, money-hungry person who lived one house away from the waterfront kept making complaints about the almost blind old woman who lived in the old cottage between his house and the beach. He would complain about the noisy parties - she is a social work professor and musicologist, she would have very small groups of a capella singers visit so they could sing, unamplified, together. He complained about the music of her lodger (she played the harp, very quietly, never after 9 pm). Her big trees were a danger, they should be chopped down (to improve his view, no doubt). He complained about everything he could think of, including the state of her cottage, in an attempt to drive her from her property or to have her ordered to pull down her house. If she had left, or had to pull down her cottage, his property would have acquired hers at a cheap rate and he would have extended his holdings forward to the beach front acquiring several million dollars' profit in the process.

This man was a senior health professional and "pillar of the community", used to his victims being browbeaten. He used some very nasty tactics, but this old lady's failure to be oppressed by him backfired - he was told by the authorities, in turn, that making one more accusation would land him in court on charges of making vexatious complaints and being a public nuisance. I know this because this old lady is a good friend of mine, she was most amused at his presumption. She may be almost blind, she may be old, but she has been a tub-thumping feminist and activist for years and would not be pushed around by a greedy young upstart, she told me. He has since sold his palatial mansion and moved away - thank goodness.

It's surprising, the sort of people who will make vexatious or simply nosy complaints, in the belief that their own high community status and anonymity will protect them. It does not. And wen word gets out (as it often does when the complaints get to t he vexatious stage - such people antagonise other people too, who love to gossip) then they get permanent egg on their faces.

My advice - smile sweetly, keep doing what you're doing, and wait. The fireworks display will happen and you will enjoy the show when it does, from your safe vantage point on the sidelines.

Marg

 

[Stella Johnson]

Margeurite,
I'm just afraid with my luck after a while they will think there really is something going on since I have had so many CPS cases.

This time I don't know if difficult child went and made up a lie for one of the neighbors or if someone just made up @*#* to harrass me.

Steph

 

[timer lady]

Sigh...you'd think they would get the picture! :hammer:

 

[Marguerite]

Steph, you said, "This time I don't know if difficult child went and made up a lie for one of the neighbors or if someone just made up @*#* to harrass me."

If difficult child made up a lie and it's been picked up by someone, then surely they would have looked to see if she did have a black eye? Unless she has begun trying to create a 'black eye' with make-up (a worry, if she is - but it takes a skilled hand to get it right).

That cop was very reassuring, though. If you ever DO have CPS saying, "where there's smoke, there has to be fire," then point to the number of dropped complaints as well as any medical records which back up the knowledge that this difficult child makes stuff up - has a history of it.

Is it different people each time? Or one or two malicious people? Can you ask that a dropped complaint be referred back to the complainant, to reassure them that it's been investigated and found to be groundless? Maybe even say that this particular kid has a history of making up stories?

You've got a number of problems here. It's hard enough just trying to parent a difficult kid, without other people also being difficult and making clearly false accusations.

If it's a hoax by difficult child or someone genuinely getting it wrong, then it's a big worry, because it's going to keep happening. If it's a vindictive person trying to bully you, CPS will get their measure. In the meantime it's nuisance and worry factor for you.

I know how I felt when someone called DOCS (our version of CPS) on me, claiming difficult child 3 was "emotionally neglected" as the reason for him not talking at age 2. They treated me like a criminal and there was no way I could argue my way out - whatever I tried to say, they used it against me. Then they dropped us right when we could have used their services.

Hang in there. it will pass. CPS can't keep calling when she's thirty...

Marg

 

[On_Call]

Steph,

More hugs coming your way! It seems like your life just gets settled down from one situation - only to have another one come knocking on your door.

I don't have any additional advice. I agree that you have to keep doing what you're doing - and sooner or later the troublemakers will (hopefully) get what's coming to them.

When difficult child started in school and exploded in his first verbally abusive rages at the age of 5, the sd decided they wanted to meet with me - at our house. They referred the "school/parent liason" for the job. I was sick, hurt - and crazy over it. My mother just said "Jamie, let them come. You're not doing anything. Your home is not a factor. Your parenting skills are not a factor." Bottom line is, the "professionals" don't know us - don't know what goes on in our home - and don't know any more than we do why our difficult children do and say the things they do.

Having said that, it is extremely unfortunate that because a referral is made, we are put in a position of defending ourselves, whether we deserve or like it.

I am so sorry you are in that position again, Steph.

I hope things calm down for you - I hope the people who put in the call get what they have coming to them - and I hope things stay calm for you for a good long time.

 

[DazedandConfused]

It's hard to prove that someone is deliberately calling CPS just to hassle you. I'm not sure what the laws are where you live, but in California, CPS HAS to investigate every call. Sometimes, it takes a couple of weeks simply because they are so over-loaded. It depends on how urgent the situation seems at the time.

I'm sorry you had to go through this again. I know how violating it feels to have them interogate your parenting skills. Plus, there's always that "where there's smoke, there's fire", Know what I mean?? But, obviously, your difficult child didn't have a blackeye.

My last visit with CPS I took the stance of "fine, take her". But, I was pretty much at the end of my rope with Daughter. It was clear to the SW that Daughter was well cared for. He actually tried to help and give me a few resources.

 

[hearts and roses]

Sending hugs and support - sorry this is happening over and over again. I know when my difficult child was little she herself instigated a few calls from the social worker at her school. She told tall tales about things taking place at home that never happened! I was petrified that the school social worker was going to call CPS on me!

Hugs~

 

[DammitJanet]

Ugh. My question would be why the cop felt the need to even make a report if he saw the child and it was obvious there was no abuse. In my mind if I was him I would be questioning if I even had the right child since the caller didnt even know the childs name and said they saw a black eye. Evidence would point to the fact that there is another kid out there with a black eye!

I tend to doubt you will even get a visit from cps considering there was nothing to this claim. No one knew your name, the childs name, the child was found to be happy and fine, the child wasnt complaining of abuse, etc. Im sure the cop wrote it up to a "huh?" call.

 

[DDD]

Add it to your ever-growing journal list for easy reference.
Sorry. DDD

 

[Just keep swimming]

UGH! Oh Steph, this is beyond ridiculous! You know our history with the "wonderful/NOT" CPS! And how in the world did someone who didn't even know you difficult child's name report it? I have NO trust in CPS and wouldn't put it past them to just be popping in for the heck of it. Sorry, really bad taste in my mouth with regards to CPS! Child Protective Service, my battootie!!! Errrrr!

Sorry to vent on your post! :smirk:

I pray that this will end the way the other reports have and just be dropped. Doesn't CPS have other, really serious issues to deal with??!!?? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif

Hugs to you,
Vickie

 

[Stella Johnson]

Margeurite,
It has been different ppl. The first was her principal in Kindergarten. We were fighting over IEP stuff and she wanted difficult child out of her school. So she called CPS after I hired an attorney.

Next was in 1st grade. difficult child was mad at my boyfriend at the time. Made up allegations of being beaten.
]
Next, difficult child was at walmart with the babysitter. This was right after a popular case in the news about a mom beating her kid on tape in walmart parking lot. Wally world worker called cps saying difficult child was being beaten by the nanny.She wasn't being beaten and I personally watched the walmart video.

Then there was the time difficult child went to school saying that we don't have food in the house.

At the beginning of this school year the school nurse called and said she was being neglected because she caught head lice. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif

There were a couple more in there somewhere... just can't remember them all.

I have another 20 years until she's thirty. If I live that long. :wildone:

Oncall,
I feel the same as you. I have nothing to hide but i'm tired of defending myself to people who never do anything to help anyway.

DazedandConfused,
In Texas they have to investigate all of them too. That is what is so frustrating.
Every time they ask the same questions. Tired of answering them. wish they would just read the past 10 reports.

janet,
He had to make a report so that he would have proof for CPS that he came to our house.

Justkeepswimming,
I remember what you went through very well. It was a nightmare I hope i never have to live. :tears:

Steph

 

[OTE]

I've come to the conclusion that having CPS at your door all the time is the inevitable result of having difficult children. Sorry you have to go through it, not much you can do but smile and say come in, would you like a cup of coffee? I have found that the advantage of living in a smaller area is that eventually you know all the cops and they know you so they have the coffee and go. BUT they are mandated reporters so you do have to go through the same thing with CPS every time. In my experience the CPS workers turn over so fast that you never get to know them so you're almost starting from scratch with them every time.

 

[Marguerite]

"the school nurse called and said she was being neglected because she caught head lice" ??/!!??

I wonder what they would have said to Princess Di when HER kids caught headlice at their very exclusive, up-market kindergarten? Head lice? Neglect? Gimme a break, nurse. If every parent with a lousy kid had CPS called, they'd never get anything productive done. Hmm, wait a minute... this could explain a few things...

In my experience - kids get head lice at schools and day care centres, NOT home. And it tends to be the cleaner heads that are more vulnerable. NONE of my kids have missed getting lice, several times over for each of them. And they gave them to me, until I learned how to treat them without catching them again.

Apart from the walmart and difficult child making up stories, the rest sound like the school trying to cause mischief. I can understand why you're getting so fed up with the idiots. CPS is NOT a way to solve disputes with parents. Sounds to me like the school is using every bullying tactic under the sun to try to intimidate you out of insisting on them meeting their responsibilities. There are quite a few 'australianisms' I'd like to use right now, but the site censor would just bleep them anyway.

Good luck, grit your teeth and hang in there.

Marg