difficult child 1 has been transferred from state mental hospital to jail after being found fit to stand trial on a past assault charge. My husband and I had visited him at the mental hospital and found him a little stiff, but he told us he loved and and seemed to be really trying. He had not been on medications for that long (and he did not go on them willingly, they were mandated) so we had expected more improvement once he was on them longer. He had called from the jail a couple of times and sounded downright good. I put $50 in his account for extras without him asking. The second time he called he asked if I could put more in. Since we hadn't really had contact with him for over a year I had no problem with that. He's been without for a long time and by all appearances was getting better. Today we went to visit him. He was expecting us. He looked tired and drawn. Dark really, under the eyes and his pallor. I asked him how he was feeling and he said fine. He said he wanted to talk about his release and that he could get his charge reduced to a class 3 felony and then would be eligible for immediate release and a long probation because he's already served a year. He explained the 2nd option by saying if he didn't have help to get to his probation officer he would have to spend 6 months in a downstate prison. He asked if I could help him. I asked, what help do you need? When he had called from the jail he had said that he might need rides to meet with his probation officer. That was completely doable if public transportation wasn't available or we could underwrite the cost of transportation. What he said TODAY was that he needed a year's rent paid, a car, car insurance, clothes, computer....everything but the kitchen sink. Ludicrous. I said, aren't you going to be set up in a halfway house or shelter so you can use their job search help and have access to doctors and the medicine you need to keep an even keel? He said that he had it all set up and it was none of my business. He said if we weren't in a place emotionally or financially to do this he would understand. We told him we weren't in a place where we could do this but would lend him support via our love and presence as he made his way back to some semblance of a life. After that was settled, he told us that he liked and loved us "somewhat" and wanted to build a relationship. We said we were willing. He then admitted that he always was looking for a quick fix and a way to make it and that he had never really put his nose to the grindstone over a period of time to get anywhere. He expressed that he would like to have a home and family like us. His dad and I said that we worked very hard for what we had and that was the only way to do it. At that point he started to get nasty and said that he knew I had bipolar and Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy but that he wasn't going to mention it. (Cue Twilight Zone music) He then said we had no right to ask him anything personal. He added that his father had his castle and was the Emperor and I was the Empress and he'd just take his sleeping bag and work his connections and try to make it. We could go to hell. My husband told me to step back from the glass divider and said to him, if you are going to talk that way we are leaving. My son said go. We said ok. difficult child 1 said, is there anything else you'd like to say, I said I love you and my husband told him happy birthday as it is this week. (He was not being sarcastic, he is that sweet). Our son called him a disingenuous and we left. Damn, damn, damn. We had let that 4 letter "H" word (hope) creep into our consciousness and having seen him know that he is still truly very ill. My anger flares and then is dampened by the realization of how he is suffering. But it is out of our control. The toll it takes on us mentally and physically is staggering when he is like this. We have been under this strain for four years (plus all the trauma difficult child 2 has inflicted which I will write about in another post). Out of that four years, for 6 months he took his medications, lived with us and we were happy. He was within months of getting his own place and we were going to help him. Now he wants to hold us to that offer of help without him having the job, the right attitude, the commitment to his mental and physical health all while he resents us for everything all the way back to his childhood. When he is like this there is no reasoning with him. It's like arguing with a drunk. He feels wronged. I have spent the last year visiting jails, regular hospitals, mental hospitals, talking to EMT's , reporting suicide threats, dealing with DCFS and crazed landlords plus an endless barrage of collection calls from the idiots that gave these goofs all the credit cards in the world. I used to handle this by myself, but now have enlisted husband to join the circus. I couldn't endure this alone anymore and I think he needed to see how bad it was. husband and I are spent for the rest of the day. So tired but can't sleep. We were up at 4:30 a.m. with excitement to see him. Damn.