Probably worried over nothing... BUT

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Signorina, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    ****UPDATE***** I :eggonface:WAS WORRIED OVER NOTHING, when will I learn?

    difficult child went back to his city apt on Sunday night with a container of leftovers. No big deal. Didn't take the car he has been using. No big deal. He didn't show up for his appointment to have the tires replaced on the car on Monday. Didn't show up for dinner last night. Again no big deal. Has been unreachable, probably no big deal... but all these things combined are starting to worry me.

    And - his phone hasn't been used since Sunday. He left his wallet at home. (found it in his pants pocket this morning) I thought about trying to contact his roommate on FB and saw the roommate moved to Colorado on Sunday. (unless it was a joking post, maybe?) 3 overdraft notices arrived in the mail yesterday...

    I am surmising that he doesn't have the money to replace the tires...H told him no driving the car until the tires are replaced. The lack of phone use is scaring me... and the calls don't go straight to VM - so I am assuming the phone is on and charged somewhere? (iphone 4) Wallet has no money has a visa and debit card which I assume are useless if he is overdrawn. But also has his student ID and Driver's license...

    I have a really sick feeling in my stomach.

    It doesn't help that I took a shopping "bus trip" with a group of area women - many of whom have kids in the same age range, but not really any women I knew well. I heard some gossip about "Sam Tracy" and Sam's roommate running a bustling pot business out of their student apartment at BIG TEN university 2 states over. And that another friend of Sam's has openly confirmed it - stating that he was able to pay off his student loans thanks to this side business. Those boys are all graduated now and in great jobs and I assume the pot business has been passed on to the next set of local kids going to that school. It was idle gossip, Mom's were talking about how this is a known hometown network that the kids take to their various schools and then gets passed along to the next group of kids or expanded to other schools. Apparently, Sam Tracy was especially adept and successful at it. It was kind of a "can you believe it?" type gossip and I guess everyone figures they all escaped unharmed since they graduated successfully and are now "grown up."

    Sam Tracy worked with difficult child for his 4 summers landscaping. It was mostly just the two of them - and they were side by side for 12 hours a day and carpooled every day. Of course difficult child went to a different college. Let's just say this gossip has filled in a lot of blanks...I am very surprised to hear it was Sam though...but in retrospect it makes a lot of sense. I facebook surfed through their friends list and a few lightbulbs went off... ugh. Almost like a twisted family tree.

    In the meantime, husband has called difficult child's coworker who said he'd make a few inquiries; he "thought" difficult child was at his apartment but he will get in touch with difficult child's other roommates (I didn't know there were other roommates) and make sure...

    I am sure difficult child will be FURIOUS with H but right now that is my best case scenario. If he shows up, the "don't ask don't tell" is kaput. I want to see grades and attendance records for school.

    My imagination is running wild right now - I have so much work to do and I can't concentrate. I have this awful feeling and an awful taste in my mouth. I keep trying to remember Nancy in my shoes (last year) and that her difficult child was only out of town...

    I am posting only because I need to put this somewhere and I know you guys understand. I know I am letting my imagination get the best of me, but I went from annoyed that he didn't call, to mad that he blew off the appointment to SCARED when i found his wallet and checked his phone recs.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 3, 2013
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    He called, lost his phone, forgot his wallet at home and said he went to class yesterday...

    still uneasy... but very glad he is ok

    Also glad that he was sheepish and kind instead of angry and belligerent... so at least that part has changed.

    *thanks for letting me get it all out. XO
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig I understand completely...been there done that many times. All iphones and android phones can now be tracked online. I can actually login and see where my phone is, exactly which house. Can your difficult child track his phone to see where it is?
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Sig,
    Glad your difficult child is okay. They do know how to worry us though...I understand.

    Thinking of you,
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That part is more "normal". And the more "normal" he behaves, and the longer he does it, the less likely you are to react this way...
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig, my therapist said I have PTSD. I still flinch whenever I see my difficult child's number on the phone thinking it might be something bad. I think we all must have it after what we have been through with our difficult child's.

    The therapist said it would take time until I really believe things are going well. All we can do is wait.

    I am really glad everything was okay.

  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks guys - I felt embarrassed to post this in the first place - but I reminded myself that it would be OK to write it "outloud" and that you guys would understand and not think I was losing my mind... I know how ridiculous it looks now that I know he is OK. But I panicked, he FOOLED us for so long and I don't think I trust where he claims to be right now. I feel like he has neatly divided himself in two - he shows us the side that WE WANT and I hope that's who he really wants to be (Joe Isuzu) and then he lives this completely separate life in his semi apartment with people we don't know. He does a pretty good job of keeping these two selves separate and I guess I don't call him on it - because I am hoping the "good" side wins... there's a part of him that still wants to please us (which was absent for so long) and that gives me hope. But then I remember that he is an incredibly skilled liar and I just shake my head. I know this has to unfold in it's own time and I am not very patient.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all are my rock...
  8. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Never be embarrassed to post anything. It is so hard not to wonder in the back of our minds that our difficult children have strayed. Talking about our suspicions and fears here is very helpful. Venting here certainly helps (at least I find it does!).