Processing Anger at Addict/Alcoholic

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by seek, Jul 10, 2017.

  1. seek

    seek Member

    This thread is for processing . . . I go through many emotions related to my loved one who is alcoholic - a feeling of anger just came up and I thought I would process it here:

    I was living my life, minding my own business - raising kids, raising you - did everything I could to support you - don't want to list all of the loving care and sacrifices, but there were so many - from feeding you, washing your clothes, changing your sheets, picking you up from school, getting you scholarships for sports, taking you to practices and games, doing homework with you, providing you with material to build moral character, talking to you, holding you, bathing you, tucking you in; feeding you, taking you to the beach, taking you on special vacations, giving you allowance, making you clean your room and do your laundry (because your mom would not teach you anything), attending your sports games, giving you gas money, buying school supplies, buying clothes, etc., etc. - I was "just your grandma," but because your mom did NOTHING - I picked up the slack - and this is the thanks I get.

    You KNOW being an alcoholic is WRONG - you are smart - you have been in four or more rehabs - you know how to stay sober - you just REFUSE TO DO IT. Cuz it's easier to deal with your problems by getting and staying drunk.

    I am SICK of your promises - your calling me to "help" you.

    SINK OR SWIM.

    I guess I did have to list some of the stuff I have done for him - because it is invisible - no one ever acknowledged it and in my family, I was scapegoated.

    I love my grandson.
     
  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I know exactly how you feel. My anger, bitterness is so bad i had to start counseling. We sure got robbed of the fun bs free relationships normal people have with their adult children.
     
  3. seek

    seek Member

    I find that by expressing it, I can let it go. I had a long period of bitterness/resentment, etc. - and was able to pretty well move through it . . . the feelings cycle - and today this came up . . .

    Part of the frustration in dealing with alcoholics/addicts, is that you cannot have a normal "fight" with them to clear the air - you can't say any of this stuff TO them (because you want to be supportive and not blame them or cause further traumas or damage to them) - it's the unexpressed stuff that then becomes toxic.

    My resentment is much less than it has been and I also feel a lot of love for him - the two feelings coexist - the anger and resentment tends to go underground and when it is suppressed, causes depression.

    I can always tell when I get depressed that there is some rage/resentment or sadness I need to process - and once I do, the depression lifts.
     
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  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    How do you process it? Im in the same boat.
     
  5. seek

    seek Member

    For me, it helps to write about it here and have it witnessed.

    I used to like to "vent," but now I am more careful with my words - don't want to wallow or perpetuate negative emotions - if I notice something is in the background that is bothering me, if I write about it, it helps - having it "witnessed" is important to me too (so, not just writing, but thinking someone else might read it and might care . . . )
     
  6. Shelley

    Shelley Helicopter Mom in Recovery

    I do say what I feel to my son when I lose my cool, he loses his cool with me plenty. I refuse to walk on egg shells anymore, he needs to know I am real and hurting that is part of a relationship.