Hello, everyone. Some of you may remember me, some may not. I haven't been on this site in eons. In fact, I feel a bit like a novice again just posting this thread. In the past, I've focused mainly on my son's issues. In the present, I'd like to focus mainly on my issues -- due to those years of 38 calls I made to 911. Whatever our son wrestles with, I now wrestle with PTSD because of my experiences with him. I'm here again because my Pandora's Box burst open again -- when I wasn't even expecting it. This tells me it's still there, only semi-hidden, only semi-reconciled. But that's just how life works sometimes, eh? Brief synopsis..... Our son is nearly 28, significant drug issues, significant mental health issues, numerous arrests (variety of charges) and numerous treatments (in- and out-patient). He has been out of our lives for the last 6 months or so. In the years he lived with us and the years since, we experienced 38 police-worthy episodes. Yep, I counted. As I recall, many of you can relate. While I'm so sorry that any of us had to experience that, I'm grateful that at least we have each other for expression and support. Our struggles are enormous, valid, and life-altering. And, often, just plain brutal. Fast forward to now -- I work with physically and intellectually disabled adults. On Dec 2nd, we had an emergency while on a boat and I had to call 911 for one of our participants. I called. It was a 90-minute episode and I felt I handled it fairly well in the moment. I went home just fine. But the next afternoon (nearly 24 hrs later), I crumbled into inner chaos and hyper-arousal. I bit off everyone's head around me -- including my boss, who didn't merit my bark. But, bark I did. Bark, bark, B-A-R-K at everyone and everything for 3 days straight. I was absolutely stuck in Fight-or-Flight mode and I knew it. Even in my chaos, I knew I was stuck. Jittery. Heart-pounding. STUCK. I reflected on that feeling of being STUCK in Fight of Flight. Such a familiar feeling. Where did it originate? It didn't take long for me to recognize it was the same Fight or Flight urgency I felt trapped in while living with our raging son all those years. Same sensation. But no one was raging against me or threatening me. In fact, I had several others helping and supporting me (paramedics, participants, families and co-workers). I was slathered in support. Yet............I was STUCK in Fight of Flight (hyperarousal). I took a week off of work, took time/space for myself, and got real that I needed to address this. When a counselor said, "PTSD" to me several years ago, I addressed it in individual and group therapy. But, if I'm being honest, I didn't address it long enough or thoroughly enough. I mean, I'm Super Woman, right? HA! Long story short, I became aware of 2 friends who both use EMDR (1 friend is a practitioner, the other friend is a heart-felt buddy). I have begun working with a counselor whom I like a bunch so far. Knock wood, this tone and format continues.........so far, so good. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) is a fascinating concept to me. I'm not far enough into it, yet, to say how effective it is long-term. But, so far, it does seem to be helpful in reducing hyper-arousal for me. That and EFT (Tapping). I do need to find better ways to cope with my past and my present (my position at work sometimes places me in position to call 911 -- I work with medically-fragile participants in our program and this is my 3rd 911 call in the last 1.5 years). Has anyone in this forum ever used EMDR? If so, any input to share? Thanks, in advance, for your input and your listening hearts and ears!