Yet, we would have to make sure its not allowing him to buy weed. And how would I do that? I refuse to get into the bargaining with him and setting up contracts that he will do this and that. Experience has shown me that he will agree to anything but not honor it.
This here, in 40 words, surely less than 50 you have told the story of my life of the past year or so.
Contracts do not help. They do not negotiate in good faith. They may agree in the moment, and every minute after to them is another life time. My son's favorite words: don't dwell on the past. But to him, life is a series of discrete moments, and promises of the past, or the future do not exist.
The weed. My son receives SSI. The marijuana his only important expenditure. He resents paying rent because it infringes upon his real priority: his marijuana. He will sometimes be out of money by mid-month. That was NOT paying rent.
Paying rent he is hostile and believes his money has bought everything in sight. The right to be hostile and domineering. His rent, to him, entitles him to unlimited and unrestricted power.
My son himself got on SSI when I kicked him out. Subsequently, he gets into residential treatment every time I kick him out. Or he gets himself voluntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
That said, I do not think homelessness is the answer. It makes things worse.
To me, if you pay his rent, you are teaching him exactly the wrong thing: to act badly is to be rewarded.
I think he needs a group home and intensive outpatient treatment. I would get involved with Mental Health in my county. When my son did not do this or want to do anything else is when I kicked him out. I ask myself over and over again, what else could I have done? I am still not sure.
Sometimes there are no good answers...only less bad ones.
But I would try to identify public resources for your son. Eventually he will have to manage his life and get his needs met. Have you thought about the Department of Rehabilitation?
Also Job Corps takes disabled kids. It is free job training. They are well supervised and room and board is free. The trainings are excellent and the centers located all over the country. My son went. I loved it. He hated it. Sometimes I wish I had not let him come home. That was 10 years ago.
I am providing housing to my son, who is NOT living with us. We bought a second property and we are charging HIM rent which he pays with his SSI. We have been round and round trying this and that. The thing is that it is us WHO DO THE TRYING. Not him. This is the fundamental problem.
Take care. Good Luck.