neednewtechnique
New Member
Okay, so I posted earlier this week about our difficult child (13) and her visit with bio mom that didn't happen because mom didn't show up. Well, when she called, I couldn't talk, so when I returned her call, she asked if she could see her this weekend, so I told her that I would meet up with her somewhere on Saturday so they could spend some time together. I told her I would call her on Saturday morning so that we could make plans.
So that is what I did. difficult child wanted to go to lunch, so I called bio mom and asked her if she would meet us for lunch. She said she would, so I told her that I would call her when we got ready to leave and tell her where difficult child wanted to eat, and how long it would take me to get there.
So difficult child decided on taco bell, which is 40 minutes from our house, so I called bio mom back and told her where we were going, and that we would meet her in 40 minutes if that would be a good time. She said it was, so we left to go. We got there, she wasn't there yet. So we waited. 5 minutes passed, then 10, later 15 minutes, and finally after 25 minutes of waiting, we left. MOM DIDN"T SHOW UP....AGAIN!!!! Of course, difficult child is so terribly disappointed and on top of that, we had shopping to do, so she had to spend the whole day out in public at the store.
She called, but it was like, an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet her, and she said she thought we were coming to pick her up at her house....why would I do that when I had to go shopping after the visit?!?!?! So she asked me if we could try again tomorrow. I told her I would call her later and we could try to make plans. Well, I called back a little while later, and she was in the shower, couldn't talk, but I was told she would call me back as soon as she got done showering. Okay, this was almost 6 hours ago, and I still have not heard from her.
I have made a decision to put my foot down. I will cal her one more time tomorrow after church and try to get in touch with her, and regardless of what happens tomorrow, I am stepping out of this mess. They will still be more than welcome to have visits together, but if she wants to see her daughter, she will call ME, I won't be making any more calls. If she wants to talk to her on the phone, she will call US, and she will be told that if there IS plans for a visit, she is NOT to tell difficult child about it, because I am not going to let her know ahead of time anymore, and neither is her mom. This is the whole purpose of not having a set visit "schedule". Because then it would be easy for difficult child to keep track of all the visits mom misses, and I don't like her getting her hopes up and then being so disappointed.
As furious as I am with her mom right now, this may sound bad, but in a way I am glad that difficult child is finally seeing her mom's faults, because she has always had her up on such a pedestal, even through all the time in jail, prison, rehab, etc, and the abusive boyfriends, the drugs, and the missed visits... and on and on. Plus, it seems that difficult child is getting MUCH closer to her dad the last few days, which is a BIG step at our house.
So I guess it is kind of bittersweet, I don't like seeing her upset, but I think she is finally realizing all these things about her mom, plus now she is getting closer to her dad.
So that is what I did. difficult child wanted to go to lunch, so I called bio mom and asked her if she would meet us for lunch. She said she would, so I told her that I would call her when we got ready to leave and tell her where difficult child wanted to eat, and how long it would take me to get there.
So difficult child decided on taco bell, which is 40 minutes from our house, so I called bio mom back and told her where we were going, and that we would meet her in 40 minutes if that would be a good time. She said it was, so we left to go. We got there, she wasn't there yet. So we waited. 5 minutes passed, then 10, later 15 minutes, and finally after 25 minutes of waiting, we left. MOM DIDN"T SHOW UP....AGAIN!!!! Of course, difficult child is so terribly disappointed and on top of that, we had shopping to do, so she had to spend the whole day out in public at the store.
She called, but it was like, an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet her, and she said she thought we were coming to pick her up at her house....why would I do that when I had to go shopping after the visit?!?!?! So she asked me if we could try again tomorrow. I told her I would call her later and we could try to make plans. Well, I called back a little while later, and she was in the shower, couldn't talk, but I was told she would call me back as soon as she got done showering. Okay, this was almost 6 hours ago, and I still have not heard from her.
I have made a decision to put my foot down. I will cal her one more time tomorrow after church and try to get in touch with her, and regardless of what happens tomorrow, I am stepping out of this mess. They will still be more than welcome to have visits together, but if she wants to see her daughter, she will call ME, I won't be making any more calls. If she wants to talk to her on the phone, she will call US, and she will be told that if there IS plans for a visit, she is NOT to tell difficult child about it, because I am not going to let her know ahead of time anymore, and neither is her mom. This is the whole purpose of not having a set visit "schedule". Because then it would be easy for difficult child to keep track of all the visits mom misses, and I don't like her getting her hopes up and then being so disappointed.
As furious as I am with her mom right now, this may sound bad, but in a way I am glad that difficult child is finally seeing her mom's faults, because she has always had her up on such a pedestal, even through all the time in jail, prison, rehab, etc, and the abusive boyfriends, the drugs, and the missed visits... and on and on. Plus, it seems that difficult child is getting MUCH closer to her dad the last few days, which is a BIG step at our house.
So I guess it is kind of bittersweet, I don't like seeing her upset, but I think she is finally realizing all these things about her mom, plus now she is getting closer to her dad.
