Ridiculous!! Twice in one week!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by neednewtechnique, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Okay, so I posted earlier this week about our difficult child (13) and her visit with bio mom that didn't happen because mom didn't show up. Well, when she called, I couldn't talk, so when I returned her call, she asked if she could see her this weekend, so I told her that I would meet up with her somewhere on Saturday so they could spend some time together. I told her I would call her on Saturday morning so that we could make plans.

    So that is what I did. difficult child wanted to go to lunch, so I called bio mom and asked her if she would meet us for lunch. She said she would, so I told her that I would call her when we got ready to leave and tell her where difficult child wanted to eat, and how long it would take me to get there.

    So difficult child decided on taco bell, which is 40 minutes from our house, so I called bio mom back and told her where we were going, and that we would meet her in 40 minutes if that would be a good time. She said it was, so we left to go. We got there, she wasn't there yet. So we waited. 5 minutes passed, then 10, later 15 minutes, and finally after 25 minutes of waiting, we left. MOM DIDN"T SHOW UP....AGAIN!!!! Of course, difficult child is so terribly disappointed and on top of that, we had shopping to do, so she had to spend the whole day out in public at the store.

    She called, but it was like, an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet her, and she said she thought we were coming to pick her up at her house....why would I do that when I had to go shopping after the visit?!?!?! So she asked me if we could try again tomorrow. I told her I would call her later and we could try to make plans. Well, I called back a little while later, and she was in the shower, couldn't talk, but I was told she would call me back as soon as she got done showering. Okay, this was almost 6 hours ago, and I still have not heard from her.

    I have made a decision to put my foot down. I will cal her one more time tomorrow after church and try to get in touch with her, and regardless of what happens tomorrow, I am stepping out of this mess. They will still be more than welcome to have visits together, but if she wants to see her daughter, she will call ME, I won't be making any more calls. If she wants to talk to her on the phone, she will call US, and she will be told that if there IS plans for a visit, she is NOT to tell difficult child about it, because I am not going to let her know ahead of time anymore, and neither is her mom. This is the whole purpose of not having a set visit "schedule". Because then it would be easy for difficult child to keep track of all the visits mom misses, and I don't like her getting her hopes up and then being so disappointed.

    As furious as I am with her mom right now, this may sound bad, but in a way I am glad that difficult child is finally seeing her mom's faults, because she has always had her up on such a pedestal, even through all the time in jail, prison, rehab, etc, and the abusive boyfriends, the drugs, and the missed visits... and on and on. Plus, it seems that difficult child is getting MUCH closer to her dad the last few days, which is a BIG step at our house.

    So I guess it is kind of bittersweet, I don't like seeing her upset, but I think she is finally realizing all these things about her mom, plus now she is getting closer to her dad.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It really stinks when you have to watch kids get a reality check with a difficult child parent. Especially because there isn't much you can do about it, except be there for her if she'll let you.

    Be her shoulder/ear, and try to move on. I'm sure you already know saying anything neg about bio Mom isn't a good idea. She's learning the truth on her own anyway.

    Poor kid.

  3. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    YES!!! My husband and I have gone OUT OF OUR WAY to NOT say negative things about mom. However, it is becoming increasingly difficult to encourage their relationship when every time we turn around, she is either in trouble again, or she is blowing her off!!!!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I can see how hard this is on you. I had a cousin (raised with me, more like a brother)who's father did this to him ALL the time. And worse stuff. My aunt totally went out of her way to encourage the relationship, not saying bad things, lowering the child support, etc.... and still they had what you are going through.

    My cousin realized at about 14 that this guy (biodad) couldn't be counted on. He turned to my dad, and even though we lived in different states by then, my dad was his dad. They used to do homework on hte phone, long distance.

    She is not dumb, she will soon realize that biomom is worthless. But the more you say anything, pretty much ANYTHING, about biomom, well, it will take longer.

    Glad sheis relating to dad.

  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    been there done that with our difficult children. With difficult child 1 she sees things so much more clearly now. We still struggle with difficult child 2 on this type of thing. Glad you are hanging in there. She will come to appreciate you at some point.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. That is infuritating. I am so sorry for your difficult child.