Running out of patience and ideas!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Juliew09, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. Juliew09

    Juliew09 New Member

    I have a son who is 6 yrs, and he has been diagnosed with a Tic Disorder. The last month or so he has become very vocal, and hitting and ,I hear a lot, I hate you. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing seems to help and he is addicted to video games, and the computer. I just pulled the games from him until he can control his anger and learn to make the right choices. I have been talking to his doctor about medication, but my husband is completely against it.. I love how no one judges here and I can feel free to talk about his problems.. Please anyone has any advice I would love to hear them...

    Thanks Julie
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    When was he evaluated and by who? What have they told you about Tic Disorder? That is one I am not familiar with. For most of our kids, there is an underlying problem that causes the behavior and THAT is what you need to figure out. Also, typical "punishments" don't work with our kids either. I highly recommend you get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. That is the board "bible" so to speak. It is a whole new way of thinking about our kids' behavior.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. You have come to a wonderful place with many supportive parents who have survived pretty much any scenario you can think of and are willing to share their wisdom.
  3. Juliew09

    Juliew09 New Member

    He was diagnosed by a nurologist and his pediatrician doctor... They have gave me so much information on it, he started out with just a couple tics blinking snorting and clearing his throat. He stopped for a little while then new ones developed like pulling at eye lashes and facial grimmincing and now he swings his arm like a hard jerking motion. But lately the last couple of weeks he yells and hits and kicks me and I hear all the time I hate you, You are the meanest mommy and I want you to go away. He seems to be set off by little things, even with just talking to him, he gets aggervated and seems to not want to hear anything. He has a bad reaction when you try to do homework and has started throwing things now. I have run out of ideas and cry so much. I thank you for welcoming me and I will look into that book. Thank You very much!

    Julie W.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi and welcome. I have a son with a brain injury who does a lot of blurting out verbally and physical things that are not fully in his control either. Some have called it tics, and others just severe impulse control and others say it is much like obsessive compulsive kinds of things. In any event, when it is a neurological problem but their behaviors can look so "on purpose" it is really hard. For me there has been many people, especially administrative people in the schools who belive if I just consequenced him better, longer, harsher, then he would stop. But funny thing, when they tried those tactics, it didn't work for them either.

    My son does take medications, without them, things are much much worse. It is a tricky road though, and it much depends on what is driving the tics. Some medications can make tics worse. A dear friend of mine has a son who only has tics when he has strep and sometimes viruses. Absolutely disappears when not ill. He had to have a blood test to figure out he had strep because they had him on anti biotics so long that the strep came back negative when by that time it had done heart damage too. If you see it cycle, it is worth checking out. (I had a student with that form too)

    One thing I will say about medications. They are not a miracle. But for some kids it gives them back their childhood. They end up not struggling every single day and not being in trouble, which really affects their self esteem in the long run. One dad I worked with resisted for three years and then decided to give medications a try for his adhd child. He came to the next IEP meeting crying. He felt so bad for making his child struggle like that for years. He said he would tell any other parent that for most medications, you can always try, and IF it does NOT work then you can stop. But if you have tried behavioral or alternative treatments, and they are not enough, it can be worth it to try medication. I also used bio-feedback and computer aided concentration training in a therapy center. I can give you links to show the kinds of alternative things we did that i really believe did help. we moved so it was too far to continue, but you can try....

    OH MY GOSH....I just went to the website and it is MY SON under audio visual entrainment, he is wearing the flashing glasses (which by the way you can buy reasonably and do the program at home...they program the sound box for you). He is on the ARC website and pacer wall and now famous there too, smile..he is cute, that is what keeps him alive, (kidding). (he was only in K at the time, now he is 14...that picture has been there a LONG time)


    welcome and keep posting... hugs and understanding, buddy
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am sure when they say tic disorder they mean tourettes syndrome. If so, then that is a neurological condition that your son can no more control than he could control epilepsy. He will need medications for that. Your husband needs to go with you to your sons dr appts and talk to the doctor about the medications. I have known kids with tics and the medication can make a world of difference. Nothing is magic though so your son will have to work with a therapist probably to help work on what has already been learned and ingrained.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm not familiar with a tic disorder, but I wanted to say something about your husband being against medications. My husband was the same way. For a long time he said that he didn't want him on medications, that difficult child just needs to try harder. He can behave if he really tries. By the time I took him to the psychiatrist to get evaluated I was at my wits end and I kept telling husband to prepare himself because I knew the psychiatrist would recommend medications. He kept telling me that I didn't know that, and even if he did he was ging to veto the idea. I took the matter into my own hands and put difficult child on medications. husband is now convinced that it was the best thing do to. It's not perfect, but it helps and it makes being with difficult child more enjoyable.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto DammitJanet.

    My difficult child had tics - it is technically Tourettes when there is both a verbal (sounds) and physical (motion) tic. If it is just one or the other, it is a Tic Disorder.

    They have incredible frustration from these tics. Imagine being so compelled to do something that you know is going to be perhaps out of line or even embarassing. They can try so hard to stop it, but it just has to come out. If it is getting in the way of his development (social, mental, etc.) you really should consider medications. It might not even make them stop, but can lessen the compelling feeling for them so it is helpful. I suspect the anger is coming out because he is recognizing he is different. Hard to deal with for sure.
  8. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i agree with medications probably being the best choice in this case, although i'm not a doctor. sometimes husband's aren't always right and if you are the main care giver in the house you may have to go against his wishes for the sake of your sons well being. i have done this, as my difficult child is extremely emotionally disturbed and husband still insists that it is because he is bad and evil, not because he has mental health issues. it is your job to do the best you can as a parent, not to please your husband with your every decision.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Busy....I really didnt know that about the difference in Tic Disorder and Tourettes. Learn something new everyday! Thanks!
  10. Juliew09

    Juliew09 New Member

    Wow Thank You all for the Advice. I am slowly growing the idea on him about the medication... He just doesn't want him to be a zombie so to say. I keep telling him you can always try to medications and if they don't work then take him off, What can it hurt! He doesn't act up at school only at home for some reason, I don't get it....

    He doesn't have vocal outburst only guess you would call it motor tics. the arm swinging and pulling eye lashes and snorting and clearing his throat constantly.

    Thanks again to all who have gave advice, you make me feel a lot better!
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ahhh.... yes. been there done that.
    For many of us, what it means is that there are things going on at school that are draining the life out of him. But peer pressure or other reasons can cause a difficult child to "force themselves to behave" at school... and then fall apart at home.

    Perhaps you could create a signiture, that would remind us a little of your situation?
  12. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Julie. I think the "only acting up at home" may be to do with the tight structure of school, which suits some children. The video games and computer... what a battle and how hard to keep a child in our modern world off them. They probably are not the best activity, though - fine in moderation, but that is what is so hard for some of our children.
  13. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Can you say more about this, IC?
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That post will have to come later... but it will come.

    (you know me... usually have lots to say, right?)
  15. Juliew09

    Juliew09 New Member

    I am new at this and don't know how to work the site very well. I keep seeing these difficult child and husband what does all that mean? How do you create a signature? lol sorry to ask so many questions. ;P
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    THOSE are pretty normal questions.

    In the "parent support forum" level, there is a sub-forum for "Site Help & Resources" (don't remember the exact wording...)
    In there, you'll find... lists of abbreviations, instructions on creating a signature, etc...

    Plus, with the abbreviations, the ones that have a little dotted underline... are "defined"... just hoover your mouse overtop, and it will give you the board-meaning. I say "board-meaning" because acronyms are tricky and must be taken in context... for example, around here, BiPolar (BP) = bi-polar, not blood pressure.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2011
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Juliew09, hi! you see how difficult child and husband are underlined in your or others' posts? You can put your cursor on them and they will be defined. Some are not and you certainly can ask.

    Go to settings at the top right of the page by where it says "hi Juliew09" and click on that and you will see on the left side a list of actions including create your signature. I had trouble with that which ended up I think being I was just over the character limit. If you can do that, please do because it really helps to follow your threads and to support you better.

    After you do that, please start a thread under one of the forums .... general works for many at first especially, so you may want to start there. (if you have older kids do it under PE and very young you can post in the early chlldhood forum, most of us click on "new" and can see any of the forums with new threads). Would love to hear your story and what kinds of parenting challenges you are facing. Welcome! Buddy
  18. Juliew09

    Juliew09 New Member

    Thank You I think I got the hang of it lol.... I even uploaded a picture so all can see my children! :eek:)
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    beautiful, NOW....on to a "new thread"!!!! Can't wait to meet you!

    sorry, this is an edit: I didn't check all the way to the beginning to see it IS your sorry, the signature will help me, feeling dumb now, haha Ok so we already met several posts ago ....:916blusher::slap:
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2011
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I am not an expert on this issue; however, I do know one family who had a very normal life who took Tenex (Guafacine) for years. He not only was "normal" at school but was also capable of playing sports competitively throughout his teen years. Most of us are reluctant to try medications (and husband's seem to be more reluctant than Moms) but "zombie" reactions are quite rare and usually medications are started slowly so that there can be monitoring of negative side effects. There may be some instances where results are different but for over ten years I have been involved in problem issues and I don't recall a single instance where long term problems resulted when trailing medications under the careful participation of experts. Good luck. DDD