Saw M last night

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Jun 12, 2010.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    God that was so difficult. He's in the ward where they hold you rather than arrest you. He had checked himself into the mental health unit, and told them he was going to kill himself if he left, and refused to stay. So, there is a 5 day hold. He thinks he will get out Monday, but the five days isn't up until Thursday. But if he tells them he won't kill himself, and the court liaison agrees, he'll go Monday.

    He has no affect. We talked about medications, He is on the lowest dosage of Prozac. We talked about him having had success with Celexa when he was 15. He says he doesn't feel any better, just a little fuzzy headed. We explained that it could be a month before therapeutic levels are reached (or not) and that while he may have side affects, it wouldn't be the same as TL's. I told him that he should ask his therapist to explain TL's to him, because my information might not be accurate or complete. He takes everything literally.

    He seemed upset when we explained that he might not see results from the Prozac right away, and he really wants out on Monday. He wants to know if we will get him to a doctor so that he can fix dosages and see results right away. We told him that we would be sure that he sees a doctor for a refill of the correct medications.

    I told M that I had been in a place like that under circumstances such as he was in and I understood what a horrible place it was and how much he wanted to be out of there. I told him that I thought that it was important for him to get the medication right and to have a plan before he got out, and that I knew it seemed like eternity but maybe a couple of extra days next week would be worth it if it kept him from being miserable again for years when he got out.

    He told me that he had lost himself. He told me that he had always had this idea of himself always being the smartest one in the room (grandiosity) and that he has begun to realize that he isn't the smartest one in the room and he doesn't know who he is and has no reason to be anything anymore. I told him that he probably is the smartest one in the room, but smart is only the ability to learn. If you don't learn anything, it doesn't matter how smart you are. But if you find something to learn about, you are using your smarts and then you can be the one that people learn from and respect.

    He told me that he didn't think he would ever find anything that he wants to learn. He told me that he didn't think that he could ever be happy, and that he could never remember being happy. I told him that I felt that way about life at his age, and that it didn't come to me until much later in my life. But I wouldn't give up that unhappiness if it meant that I never had the opportunity to be happy now. That if he threw it away at this point in his life when he feels he has always been unhappy he will have lived an unhappy life for nothing.

    I called L's dad today. He's an attorney. He said that it being the weekend meant that there's very little we can do at this point. We need to ask the hospital to keep him until at least Tuesday when we have had an opportunity to consult an attorney regarding guardianship. Lord I hope it doesn't come to that. I spoke with his nurse today. Social Workers don't work on the weekend. She's going to talk to Matt and try to get him to agree to stay for a few more days. She understands that he has nowhere to go and can't come here. The court liaison will be in today and she will try to convince him to not recommend that he be let go on Monday. I explained that we would look into guardianship on Monday if he is able to stay past Monday, but that if they let him go, we're not going to fight that battle.

    What a mess. And it's a beautiful sunny day... Lots and lots of crying.
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Witz, I'm so sorry. It is an intense experience to see your child giving up. I think it's easier seeing them rage. I hope he sees that he can make his own happiness but our kids all want everything now. Depression just makes it worse.
    I know your heart breaks. We can't kiss it and make it better. Hugs.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, witz. Saying prayers and sending hugs.
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member


    (((gentle hugs)))
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    That must have been so hard. I am so sorry. I hope that he agrees to stay and that they can find the right medications very soon.

    FWIW, if the prozac does not seem to be strong enough, luvox is supposed to be "supercharged prozac" at least according to the nurses when Wiz was in the hospital the last time. One of my docs says that Pristiq is a cleaned up version of prozac that has many of the side effects removed.
  7. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    oh gosh Witz, you did an absoltely ouystanding job responding to your son! as i read your responses, I felt so proud of you!! Good job in such an impossible situation, I couldn't have done that. The other thing that ran thru my mind as I read your post, is a lyric from a favorite band of mine:

    "And if to live we have to be numb,
    I'd rather know the pain
    I'd rather know, I'd rather know"

    Depression is such a destructive force, and so hard to turn around. And the medications used to try to counter-act the depression take too dern long to kick in and can cause such dreadful side-effects. It seems like such an awful vortex to get stuck in, and my heart breaks for you and for M.

  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Actually, Pristiq is a cleaned up version of Effexor. Luvox is very similar to Lexapro, but with more side effects and drug interactions. The nice thing about Lexapro - and Celexa - is that you start to see results quickly - as early as a week - although it does take about a month for the full effect. My first AD was Celexa and I could tell a difference in 5 days.

    I really hope that M stays as long as he needs to. When I was in, I wanted to go home; but when they sent me home, I didn't want to leave. I was terrified.

  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Many warm hugs, witz. You are handling this beautifully. Hang in there. We're with you.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Witz, I'm proud of you. You are doing and saying all the right things to M to help him on his way to recovery. I hope he is listening. Gentle hugs to you both.

  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is so heartbreaking to read, I cant imagine being there in person.

    I am praying M stays, that the doctors find the right medications and they perform quickly.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know, you are a remarkable Mom!! To be able to speak so clearly and factually to your son when such a crisis is going on certainly speaks to your strength and abilities to put your son's needs first. I'm in awe by the grace with which you handled the situation despite how I know you were feeling inside.
    On a side note? The fact that M had checked himself IN to someplace to get help is an enormous, and quite mature step. Honestly I don't know but few people that have ever gone into an institution like he's in and said "Wow am I glad I'm here, I'd like to stay now - crisis is over but this place is wonderful." So again, the fact that he is cognitive that he wants out? Another good sign. Making him stay? Not going to happen. Someone convincing him that he is doing the right thing for HIMSELF BY STAYING? Whole other story - and quite honestly it's not a Mother's responsibility. There are professional people there who should be able to say something that clicks for him.

    I am really so very sad for you, because I've been here many times with family, and despite doing it over and over it NEVER gets easier. I can only tell you at this point that I'm praying for you and your family (as always) and will ask that a few extra angels to to your M.

    Hugs & Love
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I, too, think your words to M were right on.. you have such strength, Witz. I hope M can be convinced to stay for a while longer.
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Witz, I am so sorry M is in this place in life. I am sorry for your pain as well.

    Big HUGS and lots of prayers that M can hear you and makes the changes needed.