school meeting tomorrow

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi to everyone

    so our internet was down for 6 days router was broken i thought i was going to lose it lol but i didn't......:)

    anyway so tomorrow 's mtg. up at school to discuss recommendations from difficult child's evaluation and discuss 504 which i'm not sure if i should push for iep.

    if i do this would they have to test her as well or would the hospital testing be sufficient? i'm not too thrilled on who i am meeting with. i dont' like one of the school pyschologists she is very condesending and over talks me all the time, then we have the overally aggressive teacher with whom i have wondered since september what is stuck in her b*typical teen? then there is ofcourse the other school pysch who is very nice to me yet i found out she likes to give bad reports regarding me the mom to the hello what did i do?? too funny

    and my ex nightmare who i have already warned if he attacks me again like he did during evaluation at hospital i will simply get up tell them the mtg. has to be resch. adn walk out. they can't have it wtihout me.

    i'm a happy woman today. so anyhow i'm not sure what to request for her. do i want to reduce her hw and give her special treatment? not really. i think i'd like an allowance for her to have extra time to complete classroom assignments. that's for sure. she missed recess today becasue she couldn't finish in time. lack of focus i'm sure.

    this kid appreantley is gravely depressed according to dr. so isn't it wrong Occupational Therapist (OT) hold back from recess?

    any thoughts i'd love to hear them. i'm gearing up mentally for tomorrow.

    thanks :)
  2. looking4hope

    looking4hope New Member

    In my experience, the school district did not accept the tests we had done privately, and they will want to do their own. Be aware that the school district wants to show that your child does not qualify for Special Education, because they have to shell out $$$ for difficult child's services. Remind them that much of the money comes from the Feds, and that your child has a right to an education.

    Also, a 504 does not carry the legal weight an IEP does, so get your child tested and insist on an IEP with a Behavior Support Plan (BSP). Most of our kids need this anyway. You must request the testing in writing, and make sure that you request "full psychological and intellectual evaluations to ensure that your child is achieving her academic potential". A learning disability is defined as the gap between what a child can learn and what he or she is learning in the current educational environment.

    Be aware that Special Education does NOT mean that your daughter will be placed in a special class. It just means that she needs additional accomodations, which may include a classroom aide for example. There are many things the school can and should do, short of placing your daughter in a special class or school, but realize that the latter may happen. The school is obligated to place your child in the least restrictive environment, so other options will be tried first.

    On a personal level, it took a couple of years for my difficult child to be placed in a nonpublic school that had the behavioral interventions to make him successful. We went through all of the steps with his Special Education caseworker, and although it was painful for both me and difficult child, I wanted to make sure all the options were explored first. The good news is that my son is doing well; only time will tell if there will be permanent scars from his experiences at the other schools.

    Do NOT let the school district talk you into anything less than having full testing. Bring copies of the tests that have been done, and put together a binder with all this if you haven't already. Just based on the medications she's been on, my gut tells me that she's eligible for Special Education under the "other medical" or "severe emotional problems" categories. Good luck tomorrow, and let us know how it goes.
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jennifer - I think you want to go IEP (at least that's the impression I've always gotten from Martie and Sheila). I would be surprised if SD took your evaluations' recommendations very seriously - but I have been known to be a cynic. ;) However, by *law* they do have to consider them, so do not let them brush recommendations aside. Has the SD done any evaluations at all? If not, they need to. I don't recall - have you requested a full educational evaluation on her by the SD? I'm a bit tired tonight but I'm thinking that they have to do evaluations even to decide on 504, but don't quote me on that one.

    I would definitely fight the recess battle. I'm a softie but I think *all* kids need that down time during the school day - especially difficult children. It's a break and it's also a time to work on socializing. If she's not able to complete the work in allotted time due to focus issues, I would think it would be reasonable to ask for extra time (not recess time) or perhaps shorter assignments.

    In my mind, at age 8, homework is to help with mastery of skills. For example, my kids have always had to write vocabulary words 10 times if they don't get 100 on the pretest - including the words they got right. Not a battle I would fight with a difficult child - just write the incorrect words. If you're having homework wars, I'd definitely see if the quantity could be modified - especially if she's getting the concepts.

    Good luck - will be sending positive warrior vibes your way. Let us know how it goes.
  4. babybear

    babybear New Member

    First I would definitely go for an IEP

    I had some good results with the school testing out "theories". I.E. lets try no homework for 30 days and see what happens. Who would have thought having my difficult child ride the bus in the morning would have a large positive impact?? But we tested it for a month and found out that it did.
    I should add that our case manager that year was fresh out of school and very enthusiastic. And that it was her suggestion.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok thanks i think i'm going to push for the iep. mtgs at 1 today. guess what nasty teacher is out sick so we have to conference her in. i don't want to set "special treatment" for long period of time.

    my thought process is set it up initially set a goal to work towards as far as her functioning like the reg ed kids and let's meet that goal by june so that in september we start fresh slate and see where it goes from there.

    yet demanding certain things from a kid especially my kids isn't going to make her rise to the occasssion she shuts down becomes more depressed because pressure's there to focus then she can't, theni t's a spiral sort of thing round and round. i wnat to get off the merry go round in regards to school.

    like baby steps. her teacher is set on this is the work she has to do it end of story but hey you don't have a kid with whom has severe depression in your class my difficult child is only one.

    you know what i mean?
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't sign your IEP until you take it home, study it, and show it to somebody who knows more than you do--I recommend finding an advocate--you can call the State Dept. of Public Education and find the free advocate in your area. I never sign an IEP until I've taken it home and gone over it with a fine tooth comb. I don't let myself be bullied at meetings. And, trust me, the schools took my private evaluations VERY seriously because they knew if I didn't I'd just call the Dept. of Public Education and they'd force the school to take them seriously. Be calm and listen, then tell them you want to look over the IEP before you sign it. They won't be happy, but that's their problem, your yours.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hey, Jennifer! I had private testing done and when sd acts like they want to do their own instead of using those, I tactfully and nicely let them know the high qualifications of the psychiatric who did the testing and remind them that part of difficult child's issues are in areas that sd doesn't really want to get involved in (because they try to tell me that they don't want involved in pysch issues- so they can't have it both ways right?). And, I asked, "Oh, what test would you give that the psychiatric didn't cover? Is there a reason you think your tests would be more accurrate than a pysych who has a phd in psychology?, etc" That usually does the trick- mainly because they don't really go thru the testing either.

    Yes, I would definitely push for the iep.

    Good Luck!!
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I don't have much experience with the meetings, so I don't have much to add. I just wanted to wish you luck! :peaceout:
  9. I wish you luck too. I will be following your progress, I haven't done the whole 504 or IEP route yet, but I know I will be probably in the near future. At this point, my difficult child probably won't be back to regular school until the earliest next fall.

    Best wishes.

  10. Jena

    Jena New Member


    well school knows nothing they do not even know im giong to be pushing for an iep. it will be a challenging mtg because ex will be there who likes to bash me infront of others instead of working as a team for our daughter. plus he hasn't been involved in past 2 years of various docs, medications etc. he was in denial and still is blames my choices for her situation. what are you going to do i have to work with what i have not what i wish i had. then i'd still be married if i liked him lol :)

    difficult child got up in middle of night last night even after giving chlonidine saying she couldn't sleep very depressed hysterical crying. there has always been something off about her couldn't put my finger on it my mom gut tells me this child has bi polar, not just depression. i can still see swings even though she takes chlonidine at night. it just kills me all that money i knwo i'm sure it'll help in future but all that money to really find out what i already knew. if i was younger id' become a dr. i really and truly would. one of those who trully care who aren't out just for the money who truly listens to parents gut feelings regarding their own children who pushes for the answers and not just fills out the criteria form for the various diagnosis. to me you always have that one child who does't quite fit the mold, fit the criteria etc. and that one kid when the dr. doens't push for the answers is hte one kid who slips between the cracks has their quality of life taken from them because people weren't thorough enough and because standardized testing was used solely without using ones intuition and get and natural instincts.

    it's been two years for us and i find many doctors to be robot like not using their innate skills to diagnosis a chid, instead gets there criteria checklist out that some other person formulated. i believe it all has to be used together with most things in life, heart and head and instincts together.

    so we'll see how it goes after all that rambling i did lol

    when i asked difficult child what was wrong last night and why she was crying so she said i don't know i'm just so sad.

    thanks for all the input as always you guys are the best :)
  11. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Everyone else has given very good advice so I don't have any more to add. I just wanted to wish you a good meeting and I hope your ex can keep his comments to himself.

    I know what you mean about the dr.'s. The other day I was just saying how I wished we could find a dr. who really wanted dig in and get their hands dirty when it comes to difficult child. Hopefully you'll find someone who's willing to do that too.
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member


    so i went to the hr. and a half mtg. threatened my ex's life to act appropriately and he did so. thank goodness. he was actually helpful who knew known the man for ages has never been helpful.

    we came to teh conclusion after i fought it tooth and nail that right now she will be given modified work. the bar's too high i said we need to lower it a little let her meet that then her self image will improve then raise the bar a little more. slamming her with the work load at this point her shutting down because she can't do it isnt' going to get us anywhere at all. round and round we go.

    so in order for me to get an iep in place i have to go to Special Education district office here of which their saying sh ewont' even qualify for it and why do it if she's already getting modified wo

    rk. i said because i do not want to have to go through this every year with every teacher i want it in place to avoid meetings like this every mos. less stress for me mom is a good thing.

    at the end of the day all they see is what they want their cirriculum what has to be met and tehy must of tried to talk over me a millin times with their bull**** adn i kept saying it is what it is you are dealing with an emotionally unwell child i'Tourette's Syndrome time you realized that and made the necessary accomodations. period the end.

    i said i strongly believe that i can between weekly therapy and working with her now quitting my job can get her healty at least for time being. yet if she winds up having bi polar this will be a lifelong situation of ups and downs.

    so that's that. meetings done. next is find ing new pysch doctor don't like him he's out. called him two days ago to set up mtg. adn nver got a call back at all. screw them.