She is going to the sober house

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Mar 30, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child made all the arrangements on her own but asked husband to drive her to the interview yesterday (I was out of town on a short shopping trip with easy child). The interviewed her and told her she could move in Thursday. They asked her to commit for six months and would most likely ask her to stay longer, she agreed. We let her come home last night until she leaves so she can get her laundry done and pack. She is required to attend two AA meetings before Thursday so I took her to one last night and will take her to one this afternoon. She came home from the meeting last night and went to bed and has been sleeping since 10 pm.

    None of the nice clothes that she had with her from home made it back. Of course not, she probably bartered the mall away for rides, food, alcohol, drugs. She is left with some cheap t-shirts and flannel bottoms. She was very happy to be home and said she couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed after six weeks of sleeping on a couch or floor. She said she hates her life now and doesn't ever want to live like this again and now understands why we did what we did.

    I don't know much about this home and they would not let husband in at all since it is all women. Hopefully I will find out more tomorrow, but from what I heart it has good results. My neighbor's good friend was a severe alcoholic and went there and has been sober for 6 years now. They run a very tight ship, she is not allowed to attend to any outside business for the first three months. After that she is required to get a job and they help them learn how to save their money and get an apartment on their own. I don't even know if we are allowed to visit. But I do know she will be safe and off the street and hopefully learning how to live a sober life.

    Last edited: Mar 30, 2011
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Nancy, what incredible news!!!!!!!! My brother lived in a sober house for a very long time - a few years. Best thing that ever happened for him. I am so happy for you - way to go mom!!
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Great news, Nancy! Glad she found a place.
  4. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    This is very good news, especially that she really seems to want to make it work. Our dtr was offered the very same opportunity - said she wanted to do it and my parents took her to apply and were prepared to drive her to the interview, sponsor her ($300 per month), let her stay with them again until she moved in, do her laundry and buy her a few outfits (just like your dtr, she lost all her good clothes along the way) - but in her case she didn't really want it, never tried to arrange the interview - so the fact that your dtr showed the initiative to do what she had to to get in is very encouraging.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Awesome news Nancy! Sitting here with a huge smile from ear to ear. :bigsmile: Sounds like difficult child is ready to make the change. Will continue to keep her in my prayers.

    Are you going along when she checks in? I'd imagine since you're female they'd let you check out the place.

  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, I really wish I could get excited. I really do. I am the skeptical type. I will believe it when I see it. I hope she makes a believer out of me!

    Please tell her I said, the life she hated is the easy life. Getting the life she she will love (married, kids, job, house, etc.) is hard work. If she wants it bad enough, she has to work for it. Not just at sobriety, at life. It will all start with getting healthy though.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    This brought me to tears. Happy, hopeful ones. I think she should keep the flannels and the tshirts and when she gets her first job? And buys her first clothes? It will be the best shopping trip a Mother and daughter ever had.

    I don't get choked up too often Nancy - but this was much needed read today. Keep the faith - stay strong. Hug her once from me.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Busy, I will believe it when I see it too. I want to support her so she knows we support the good decisions she makes, but I have fallen so hard this last time that I am preparing myself for anything. Judging from the fact that the average addict relapses seven times before sobriety sticks, she has four more time to go. She may get there and leave with someone from the outside, she may not work the program, she may forget what living on the street was like, she may just decide it's too hard.

    She is taking baby steps in acknowledging that we will not allow her to live here under the current circumstances and making an effort to get help. I will take that for now, but as you remind me it's hard to get too optimistic. And I plan on telling her what you said.

    Hound dog, yes I am driving her there tomorrow at 10:30 am. It will be hard to say goodbye and I will be an emotional wreck when I leave her. husband will be out of town so I will be alone for four days and will do my best to keep busy again. My house is getting very clean with all this busy work lol. I have some cupboards I plan on attacking.

    Last edited: Mar 30, 2011
  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Hoping for the best here and crossing my toes and fingers for good measure. She knows you love her. It's up to her now. I wish I wasn't going out of town this weekend, I'd spirit you away for a really wicked dessert somewhere....

    Hang in there.
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Nancy, keep reminding yourself that she got to this point of admitting herself to treatment because you drew the line in the sand. She chose to do what she did both bad and now good.
    Don't worry about visiting her. Keep detached. If she needs your help, she can ask and you can also choose what you are willing to do or not do. She needs those strong boundaries in order to find what kind of person she will be. It's about her and not about the parents any longer.
    Keep busy, do all the things you normally do and put her in the back of your head. Worrying won't change the outcome. It becomes wasted energy. Live your life and keep moving forward. She has those choices that everyone else has.

    I agree about not having too much excitement about her claim of turning herself around. Hope is good but results are more important.
    As I tell my difficult child "talk is cheap"
    Good luck to her. It's hard work doing what she is doing.