Should I just let him quit school?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tinamarie1, May 13, 2014.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I haven't been here in a while. difficult child went into rehab back in December/January. Since being home, he isn't motivated to do anything. It is a struggle to get him out the door in the morning. Where we live, if they accumulate a certain number of tardies, they have to attend Saturday school. I can't even tell you how many Saturdays he has had to attend. He is failing nearly every subject, and they only have 4 classes here! And 2 of those are electives! He failed English last nine weeks and the state of NC took away his driving permit. Which really sucked, because he had just comleted almost a years worth of driving hours and was about to get his license. Now he has to reapply for it and show proof that he passed all of his classes when final report cards come out in June. This doesn't phase him in the least. You would think that alone would motivate him. He is almost 17 years old and his mom drives him everywhere. He is in 10th grade. He is honest to his on detriment. I swear. He gets in the car today and tells me he opened an energy drink at school and the teacher said, "you can't have those at school. you need to throw it away." So on the way to throw it away, he decides to chug the energy drink. Strike one for the day. The teacher fussed at him, but did nothing. So then he told me he was sooooo tired. He went to the bathroom "to sleep". He stayed in there all of first hour sleeping. In the BATHROOM. I said, no one came looking for you? He said the asst. principal later asked him where he was during first hour. My son told him "i was in the bathroom" and the ap said ok. Strike 2. To get this child to complete any assignment we have to hound him, stand over him, he will go in our bathroom and be in there for an hour. I know hes sleeping. He suffers from depression and is on medications. I have told his psychiatrist about how he is with not being motivated to do anything and seems depressed. He said that we have to get his blood pressure under control before he will make any changes to his medications. So we just saw our family doctor yesterday and she upped his BiPolar (BP) medication. Now we have to go through a blood pressure study where he wears a monitor. We tried this once and he took it off in the middle of the night because he "couldn't sleep with it on". UGHHHHHH. I mean, medication will only do so much. There is not a magic pill that is going to make him jump up and love life. He has to want that for himself. His counselor asked me the other day if I have ever considered letting him get his GED. I was appauled. Hes only in 10th grade! It sounded ridiculous at the time. But just like everything in my soon as you say "i would never do that"...You are faced with this. And second guessing all the "i would nevers". He is more than likely going to fail all of his classes. Theres only about 3 weeks left of school. Iam at the end of my rope. And I know its horrible for me to say...but what would life be like if he got his GED, got a job and experienced life on his own. Is this even possible? You know most people say you can't get anywhere without a college diploma. Much less a high school diploma. I needed to vent.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Is it depression? Or is it drug use? What is the real cause of the lack of motivation? Extreme pot? I'm a little confused. He was in rehab, so are you positive he is clean? If so, he is acting like a total jerk. If not, well, that's how they behave while on drugs (I had one on drugs...she was very unpleasant while using and slept a lot).

    They are two seperate issues, although they can co-exist. If depression is part of the problem, you really have to tackle the drug use/alcohol use before you can treat depression because recreational drug use and alcohol only makes depression worse. Pot, alcohol, cocaine, even OTC drugs WILL cancel out the good effects of depression medication. He may as well not be taking any unless he is clean. They won't work if he adds other stuff in the mix. Could even be quite dangerous.

    Maybe he needs more treatment more than school right now. Hard to say. It does not sound to me that he is clean or trying hard to do better in life. He has three years until he is legal. I'd get him back into rehab if he is possibly still messing with drugs....

    If he is abusing pot and alcohol, as in your signature, I'd thank the Good Lord he doesn't have a driver's license. He could kill himself or somebody else while wasted, which in some cases is now considered homicide. There is a case about that going on in Wisconsin right now. I would not even allow a drug or alcohol abusing teen to take drivers ed. My daughter got into three major car crashes. One was in our car (she blew up the engine) and we never allowed her to drive a vehicle of ours again and realized that we never should have allowed it in the first place. The car was on fire and all the kids inside could have died. The other two crashes were in friends cars. Yes, they were dumb enough to let her drive. One woman sued her to the tune of $15,000 and won. That's a longer story, but she was paying long after she quit using drugs. Cars are not your son's friend.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
    Last edited: May 13, 2014
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi tina,
    Vent away. I too, feel your pain.

    My vote is for the GED. husband and I tried EVERYTHING to keep our son's in school...but they just didn't want to apply themselves. They just plain didn't care at the time.

    We tried and/or school tried...Alternative school, Jail school, church school, wilderness program school, homeschool, etc. Nothing motivated them to study and learn. Finally both of my sons got their GED's.

    I just don't see the point in wasting so much time, energy, money, sense of peace, etc on caring more about the grades than they do. It's so sad isn't it...but no, we can't do it for them.

    I think, as you said, getting the GED, a job, and experiencing the real world maybe what your son REALLY needs right now.
    When he realizes (later on) what he missed out on, THEN, he may want to pursue college and THEN really care!

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Also hoping your son's depression will get managed soon.

  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I think the real issue is his lack of motivation. I am with MWM on this, could he still be smoking a lot of pot? Pot makes you very unmotivated.... if it is depression then he needs some serious help to deal with that.

    I have no problem with the idea of him getting his GED and working if that is what would work... but honestly I dont think with his lack of motivation he will get a job. And then you have him home all day doing nothing and that is not good either,

    I would check into the drug use issue more if you can?


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  5. layne

    layne Member

    There is nothing wrong with getting your GED. I know so many people with GED's who are doing well in life. I also know so many people with high school diplomas who are drug addicts and are in prison as we speak. Which degree does not matter. It all depends on that persons drive and what they want in life. You live in NC, one of the strictest states for truancy. Pretty soon they are going to raise to 18 years old, dear God, have mercy on all the parents who have problem getting their teens to school. I think it is just ridiculous to force a teen to go to school. High school is not for everybody. Some people need to find their own way in life and need a little bit of personal time to do that. They are criminalizing children and parents for teens not going to high school. Something is wrong with that.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I got my GED as an adult and then went to college. I have a great job making good money. Nothing wrong with it at all. My daughter got hers at age 16...she definitely plans on going to college when her son is a little older. :)

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  7. amys3yungins

    amys3yungins New Member

    My sister got her GED after dropping out in 10th grade. She now holds a Master's degree in Nurse Anesthesia. Luckily, high school does not define who we can become. :) We are in NC also. My son dropped out of school in 11 grade. He also did not care about driving or having his car priveledges. I was very frustrated. He did go back in the fall and was a junior for the first semester and a senior the second semester to be able to still graduate on time. 3 weeks before graduation, he got in trouble with the school for having his ipod there and out during class. He told the assistant principal to F**k off. They called me and my husband and told us to come pick him up as they would not let him finish the year there and he would have to finish at another school in the county. I told him just go get your GED. The sun will still rise and everything will work out. We told the school that he was just going to quit and go get his GED. Once we said that, the counselor called us to say that since he was in honor's classes that the superintendant would be upset if he quit and would question them about why an honor student dropped out. They said, If we let him come back and finish do you think he will? I left it up to him. Ultimately he did go and walked the stage for his diploma. He was 18 at the time though. It is so frustrating to deal with unmotivation. I am sorry you are facing this with your son. I would feel like I just wanted to jerk mine up and shake him!! I learned that you cant control them once they get to a certain age for sure! Dont waste energy trying. You will only end up more tired and angry. My son use to tell me, "I can do what I want!" I told him that he certainly has proved that over and over. The Lord will provide for your son's future. I had to learn to slowly let go and let him suffer his own consequences and choices. It is a long slow process some times. It sucks! There ain't no way around that. But God is good and has helped me every step of the way.
  8. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    I would pick my battles. It sounds like there are still a lot of issues you are trying to deal with on a daily basis, and it's so exhausting and frustrating.

    The real question is: He's 17, and how is he spending his time all day every day. He needs to be doing something productive (as you know).

    I would focus my efforts there, and if a GED is easier to accomplish, then do that. In the big scheme of things, it's not going to matter.

    Hugs to you and prayers for better days ahead.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    What is goong on with Blood Pressure? This can be cause of lack of motivation. Why BiPolar (BP) problem at 17????

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  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What is the medical issue here with his blood pressure? The medications for blood pressure can make you so tired you cannot keep your eyes open even if you sleep 20 hrs a day. Sometimes it goes away after a few weeks and sometimes that never goes away and the medication has to be changed. If he is using illegal drugs on top of blood pressure medications, he is playing Russian Roulette with his life - just as surely as if he had a loaded gun in his hand.

    It is ENTIRELY possible that his blood pressure m eds are making him this tired. what is the doctor saying abuot this? He NEEDS to have the medications tweaked so that his blood pressure is at a good level AND so that he is not so tired. Until that is done, you won't know if he is truly depressed or not because the blood pressure medications can CAUSE the same symptoms the psychiatrist thinks are depression. I know on a cuople of different blood pressure medications my dad would sleep and sleep and sleep and be so grumpy and irritable all the time that he could not be lived with. Usually it took my mom talking to his doctor to get them changed because my dad was too tired to remember to talk to the doctor about anything, much less about the medications he was taking.

    What is your son going to do if he drops out? If he won't get up for school, do you REALLY think he will get up and go get a job or go to that job? Or will he just stay home, sleep, eat, and watch tv/play video games/whatever? Does he need that much time on his hands? Or does he need a serious medication evaluation and to keep going to school so he does not have too much free time and no real responsibilities?

    If he drops out, you have to figure out what he will do and how to make him do it. That sure seems like a battle I don't want, but I am not you. What would induce him to go to work? What changes wuold have to happen? Would you have to kick him out so he had to buy his own food, pay rent, etc...?? Can you legally force him out of the house before he is 18? Some states will let you, some won't, but pretty much you HAVE to have some idea of what life will be like if he drops out.

    I don't think it will be helpful to him to drop out. I DO think his medications are a big part of the problem and the psychiatrist and his reg doctor need to get together and figure out what is going on. If he interrupts the blood pressure study again, Mom needs to have an epic tantrum at him - this is medical and could be life and death and his refusal to keep it on could result in his death at an early age. For me, taking that recorder off would be a huge deal and I would make sure that he would have zero anything he liked if he did it again. No food he liked in the house, no money for ANYTHING, his clothing and personal items would be in a storage unit that he didn't have a key to unlock until he did the study and anything else his doctor wanted him to do. But my kids don't mess with me on medical stuff because they are totally afraid f what I would do. MIne know I would use duct tape (and not the decorative stuff - the really heavy duty stuff contractors use) to keep those wires on if they tried that. I would also sell their electronics, jewelry, and other items to pay for the cost of redoing the test.
  11. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    If he is failing most of his classes and skipping class, the real question I think is would he be able to pass the test for his GED? Do you have an alternative school program? My difficult child is going to start the alternative school here in August and hes actually kind of excited about that. They do most of thier lessons and assignments online but still in a school type setting. It might be worth looking into.

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  12. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I feel pretty safe in the fact that he is not using. A huge part (if not all) is depression. He has had major depressive disorder since he was very young. And had suicidal ideation a couple of times. He was hospitalized for that. A huge part of me wants to just protect him. He does have mental illness. But a huge part of me wants him to just TRY at something in life. He told me the other day that he doesn't want to kill himself, but he just wishes death would come soon for him. He just doesn't have anything in life that makes him happy.
  13. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    He is a huge kid. He is 6'5 and over 300 lbs. That is part of why the high blood pressure. He is unmotivated to exercise. I laugh and laugh at his counselors and doctors when they lecture him about changing his lifestyle (exercising and eating right). I can't even motivate him to wake up in the morning. And you want me to motivate him to go to the gym? Heck, I need motivation to go to the gym! Anyway, he has been on blood pressure medication for almost 2 years now. And he has put on more weight in the last 6 months, making his BiPolar (BP) go up even more.
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member


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  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I am in NC too. My youngest dropped out of school at 15. Well he was more like pushed out of school at 15. He has yet to get his GED but last week he went to take some tests. I wont hold my

    Personally, I think I might try for that K12 program first.