Son getting high

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by 2TiredMom, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    My son is getting high from DXM. He won’t stop. He just started a job and I found him face down on the floor, out of it, with what looked like blood coming from his mouth and breathing loudly. I called 911. He had a hr of 160. He was admitted to the hospital and released the next day. He told me it was his body and he will put what he wants in it. He’s not paying the hospital bill and it’s all my fault he missed work. He says I should have left him, he was fine. I am ready to just put him out of my house. He will be homeless if I do. So frustrated and not sure how you get them to wake up!
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    How old is he? Honestly, if he wont stop doing drugs in your house, is it good for either of you that he lives there? Does he respect you, steal, work, help in your house, pay rent? There are resources for the homeless. It is his body and he can do what he wants with it, but I would say "Not in my house you can't. My house and my rules." It is not his house. He doesnt decide what is allowed there. It is up to you and nobody else

    Very sorry this is happening. You cant change him, but you can change your reaction to his antics. Unfortunately only he can wake himself up. You dont have that power. Its a hard lesson we all learn. We are Mom yet we cant "help" them once they are adults. But we dont have to let them self destruct in comfort an

    What is DXM?
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019
  3. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    He is 24 yrs old. DXM is cough medicine. Dextromethorphan. I have to hide my money and medicine for a long time. I lock my bedroom up at all times. He can be abusive but also nice when it serves him. He does not clean or keep himself clean. He just started a job and will pay.
     
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    He needs to make his own way. He's an adult and if he can't abide by the rules of your house, put him out. If he steals from you, call the police. I know it's very difficult, but it's the only way. You need to put your health and happiness first.
     
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  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    He's got you in a double bind. You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't. If you leave him to do what he wants in your home, he may kill himself...on your dime. If you insist he leave, (your house, your rules) you will have to tolerate not knowing what he is doing and how he is. He is blaming you for trying to save his life. He wants you to watch as he flirts with extreme danger. In your house. And do nothing. How could you do that?
    This is so very scary. You did absolutely the right thing. Honestly. He is making the rules in your house. He's saying: I get to do whatever I want. And you have to watch me do it.

    He's acting like he calls all the shots. Like he holds all of the power.

    That he has no responsibility for anything. I am getting infuriated just typing this.

    What many of us learn here is that we CAN"T get them to wake up. We can only wake up ourselves. Wake up to the fact that potentially we have significant power. It is our house. In our lives. As parents. To reclaim our voice and our authority.

    The major learning: We can change ourselves and our lives. We can protect ourselves and our homes. We can find our voices and and our core. It's not your fault.

    Welcome.
     
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  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    You may have to use his "logic" on him. You really can't control what he puts in to his body. But you can control who is allowed at your home and what they can do there. I would call the police if I found drugs or paraphernalia in my home or on my property.

    If he is of legal age, you have every right to get him out of your home. You might check local ordinances to see my if you have to give notice and for how many days.

    If he steals, you can call the police, the same thing if he takes your medications, or threatens you or damages your property.

    Try to find an AlAnon or NarAnon meeting for family and friends of those who have addiction issues. It helped me dealing with my adopted granddaughter. I need help as much as she does. Addiction is hard on everyone.

    Ksm
     
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  7. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    How has his behavior been up to this point? Has this been going on for years, or is this a new problem. You mentioned he has a new job. Did he work before now?
     
  8. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    He has always been a struggle. It took 4 years to get through a 2 year college, but he did it. Then he went away for a year and failed all his courses. It was so peaceful at home though. He’s been in mental hospitals about 5 times. 2 when he was in high school and 1 when he was away, he put himself there because he inflicted self harm. He was just in a MH in January, he was high and he hit me. I’ve tried to help him for years.
     
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    What we learn is that we matter too. You should never ever be hit. Me neither. Often things can begin to change when we decide, no more. This will end.

    He is a marauder in your home and life. That's the elephant in the room. Not his drug use. That's his problem. Not yours.Your problem is recognizing there's an elephant. And getting him out.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No one should have to live like that. It's crazy! How do I know? Because I did the same thing. I walked around with a wristlet with a key on it to get in and out of my bedroom. I let another adult live in my house that lied and stole from me.

    Looking back, I can't believe I ever lived like that. Your son is an adult. He has no business living in your home if he is treating you like that. It is time for him to find another place to live.

    Good. Let him pay rent somewhere else.

    Be strong.

    ~Kathy
     
  11. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    He went too far when he hit you. He has a degree, and he's 24. He's been out of college for about two years. Those four reasons are why he should be living in his own. Obviously, he has some mental health issues, which is probably why you're reluctant to make him leave. He's had your support at home and nothing has improved. Tell him of he's so miserable living at home that he has to abuse cough syrup, that maybe he would be happier out of the house.
     
  12. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    You are so right. You know you remember when they were children and how sweet they were. He can turn into that and melt my heart that fast. He was in the hospital in January and my friend said don’t take him back. But he cried saying I’m his only support. I’m all he had. I’m the only one that loves him. He promised. I took him back with conditions. Slowly he didn’t abide by the conditions. He does it in a way that, omg- how did I get here again? But I’m here. After all this that has gone on, I cut off his internet. Now he is sending me messages he wants his internet back. Never apologized or said he would respect my house. It’s like I’m supposed to forget it all happened. Sorry I’m going on And on. It’s like I’ve just woken up since I found this site. Thanks for listening.
     
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome and so glad you found us.

    You will get so much wisdom and support here. This site also gave me strength. I was here all the time during our many years of hell with our youngest. If it weren't for this site I think my son would be dead by now because what we were doing was not working and things kept escalating.

    I still come here because I hope to help others and it's just a safe place.

    I agree with the others. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You cannot wait for HIM to change (we did). It doesn't work that way unfortunately. YOU have to drive the change. Wash, rinse, repeat.

    My son was so out of it I never thought he'd be "normal". Guess what? My son is normal now. I don't regret anything that we did to make him UNCOMFORTABLE during his escapades...some of which is below. Only the "highlights" of the last few years trust me. We don't talk about it and my brain won't let me "go there". Too painful.

    Yesterday we celebrated Easter with him for the first time in 3 years and I am so thankful. Before our company came son mowed the grass (we are on a corner so it's a lot) and washed his truck. He also works full time and is waiting to get into welding school. He helps around the house too and is very sweet and kind and the son we used to know. This is not the future for him that I predicted but it was the one that I was hoping and praying for.
     
  14. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    I was hoping he’d somehow wake up. I watched my first husband as I put him out and he became homeless due to drugs, MH & abuse. I watched my bff get back on drugs and end her life my shooting herself in the head. I watched my girlfriend destroy herself on drugs. I offered to help, take the kids so she could get counseling, but no. She went to sleep one day and that was it. Her heart gave out from all the ups and downs. They all think they are fooling ppl. But we all know their secret.
    Today my son called out sick from work. 3rd week of work in this new job - wk 1 - 1 day very late, wk 2 - 1 day out in hospital (overdose), wk 3 - he called out sick today. It’s got drug abuse all over it. I told him he loses this job, he will be homeless. I called him and text him so much today and he never responded. No respect. I told him I won’t bother to wake him again. Set your alarm! You will be homeless, don’t test me. Can’t anymore. Thanks for listening. I’m glad it worked out for you.
     
  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Well every day is a challenge so I'm not on easy street either!
     
  16. Shelwith1L

    Shelwith1L New Member

    Hello 2TiredMom and to All,

    It has been a while since I've posted. The chaos that our addicts bring into our life is almost unbearable. I don't know how you are doing it with your son living in your home. You must be worn down. My heart goes out to you. I learned of my son's addiction while he was living on his own. I wasn't put in a position where I had to ask him to leave my home, however, I've had to tell him that he could not live with me. He lost everything and ended up in the streets. I think the hardest thing that I've ever had to do is take him a bag of clothes, that I purchased from a local church for $3.00, and take them to him while he was living in the streets. I can't describe the overwhelming sadness that I had when I met up with him, hugged him, gave him a bag of clothes so he wouldn't freeze, and watched him walk away not knowing where he was going or where he would end up. I sobbed like a baby. I wanted to take him home and make it all better. Our beautiful children have to be the ones that want to get better. We can't do it for them and we can't make them quit. We all must stop enabling. It's not helping them, it's hurting them. My son was arrested and incarcerated on 12.13.18 and the judge decided that my son wasn't going anywhere until his hearing. He wanted me to bail him out...and that was a big "NO". He spent more than two months in jail and the judge then mandated my son into long term treatment. I want all of you to know that there is HOPE. My son completed long term treatment and is now in a halfway house by his own choice. He wants to live. He wants his life back. He's happy and continues treatment and is now looking for part-time work. He's been clean now for almost five months. He's living two hours away and I'm happy about that. We both are living one day at a time. I'm grateful for my counselor and my group "Six Steps to Sanity". I've learned how to stop the enabling but also know when it's ok to help while he's in recovery. But most importantly...I HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE. I MATTER, AND MY FAMILY MATTERS. IT'S ALSO OK TO HAVE A DRUG FREE AND ADDICT FREE ENVIRONMENT. It's so unfortunate how we become prisoners or trapped living our lives for our addicts. It's ok to distance ourselves. I continue to seek professional help so that I don't fall back into old habits. Oh wow, I could go on and on. We all could write books on what we have been through. God and Prayer have been my Strength. I will continue to pray for all of you and our addicts. Thank you so much for listening.
     
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  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Agree with everything you just said Shelwith.

    I too have learned how to deal with our son. A LOT of it from this site and these people that have been through it. I gathered so much strength here. My eyes were opened to an entirely new way of parenting and looking at things. Also a therapist that specialized in addiction helped me tremendously. I had to know that it was okay NOT to let our son live in our home the way he was living. It did not mean that I did not love him. To the contrary I was trying to SAVE him from himself.

    It was VERY hard. I agree that distance was what I also needed to get my head back on straight. Someone here equated it with being hit by a freight train and getting up and dusting yourself off. I think it is like that.

    Our son also is doing well now and back in our home after being out of state for several years struggling to stay sober. He finally got his head on straight during 13 month faith based program. That really did change him tremendously. He now is very responsible and works full time and has signed up for welding and pipe fitting classes. He does drink beer now which at first was hard for me. I was very afraid it would escalate but he assured me that it would not. We did have to reset boundaries a few times but he finally seems to get it. It has not been easy. He has been home for seven months and as time goes on I am feeling less anxious but it will take a long time for me to trust him with my heart wholeheartedly.

    Prayer and faith have helped me and I cannot imagine not having that. Never stop praying! A momma's prayers are powerful.
     
  18. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    It’s been a while since I posted. I have gotten my son to work for the past 2 weeks without issue. He doesn’t have a key to the house. I put him out every morning and he goes for breakfast and directly to work. Mother’s Day turned into something special. My son convulsing on the floor after taking DXM. Wonderful! He had been going to NA meeting but apparently that didn’t matter. He was going to do what he wants. He is going to have to leave now for rehab as soon as I am able to speak to him. There is no communicating at the moment. I am at the end of my rope. I will be taking care of a brain damaged person if he continues. I taped him. It’s not pretty to watch, very sad.
     
  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry.

    I think you are handling this horrible situation exactly right.

    Is he in the hospital?
     
  20. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    No, he is home, he won’t go to the hospital. I left him on his bedroom floor. He got up to go to work and agreed he would call rehab afterwards. Their brains do not work right. We will see! Will update.