Son still hasn’t been picked up

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Jan 20, 2019.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Last week incident of my son jumping on car & breaking car window & taking off with ankle bracelet on right after court has sill not been picked up. We know he’s at his grandparents house , we called police & told them situation, they could not do anything because warrant for his arrest did not show up in there database, even though the judge did say she issued one. At this point not sure why or how all this could be happening, he broke a window, fled with his ankle bracelet on right after court & is only 16 teen & police could not do anything!I’m wondering how long till something is done ,as of now he’s just chilling at his grandparents house with no consequences for what he has done. His father said he is done & no longer wants him & I can’t have him here because he is a danger to me & my children. What do I do now? His dad has custody but if he does not want him anymore. What happens?
  2. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    It's unlikely that the police made some type of arrangement with his grandparents and didn't notify you or ask your consent. However, these things have happened in my town. Sometimes police don't go after troubled kids who have a warrant for arrest. Eventually, they have go back to court. I don't know how it is in your city, but the police in my town don't even pick up adults who have warrants, unless it's for murder.
  3. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    I don’t think there was arrangement, I just don’t get what’s the point of the ankle bracelet if he can just go wherever he pleases. I guess we will have to wait till court in 2 weeks , but in the meantime his grandparents, are not making him attend school & he can do whatever he wants.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    If the warrant did not show up the police might not be able to do anything. My suggestioon would be to call the court on Tuesday morning and ask what is going on and tell them where he is.
  5. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I always thought the bracelets had gps. I was told they do not by someone who wore one. They just tell when you are out of range of the phone. I can't understand if you filed charges for damage to your car why they won't pick him up. That just doesn't make sense. Are his grandparents safe with him? I am thinking they may be afraid to try to make him do anything he doesnt want. I agree with your husband about your safety and that of your other kids. I hope a solution can be found that keeps him safe as well as you.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Do the police know where he is?
  7. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Yes .We don’t know what’s going on,we went in front of a judge & she said she put out a warrant .When we called police & told them he is at his grandparents house , they said they did not see any warrant in there database . They could not do anything. They told his dad that him & his parents need to work it out.Grandparents think they are protecting my son but they are just destroying him more, I know they love him but they believe all his lies. They know of his drug abuse & temper but still continue to shelter him.
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I remember that my son had a warrant too and no one could find it in their database.

    At that time he was in our house using drugs and we called police hoping they'd come and pick him up so that at least he would stop using. The couldn't find the warrant. It was mind boggling. We didn't know what to do. We wanted him out.

    Another time they did pick him up at our house because they did find the warrant. I sometimes think they don't want to deal with minors period.

    I can't even remember all the details because we are past that now and our minds have a way of protecting us from bad memories. I am grateful for that.

    It is a shame his dad is behaving this way and I do hope they hold him accountable as his father.

    Please keep us posted. I'm praying for your family and that your son comes to his senses.
  9. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Had a thought, how about contacting his probation officer?
  10. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    No one answer from her over the weekend & today was a holiday so we’re hoping tomorrow should will return our call
  11. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    I heard the same thing about them dealing with minors. My sons still with his grandparents & dad still saying he doesn’t want him . I told him we need to get in front of a judge again, he has custody & just can’t say he dosent want him, maybe they can put my son in some court ordered residential treatment center , so far they haven’t helped & seems like court always gets continued . Or they my lock my son up in juvenile detention because of his behavior & not following the judges orders. This whole thing is a mess.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It is a mess and we lived that mess too. It literally takes over your whole life and every thought.

    We could not believe our son did not care about what happened to him. It was pure insanity for many years. It was one bad thing after another. We'd get a breath and then it would start again. I honestly sometimes don't know how we did it.

    It is over for us. My son is home now and doing great and I am over the moon with joy and thankfulness for this blessing. Our son's life was saved by divine intervention when he went to a 13 month faith based program.

    I know I will never live that way again. If he goes back down that road he is out of my house and out of my life until he "flies straight" (as my father used to say).

    If I had to do over and he was a minor I would send him to military school. It is very expensive but it is worth the money in the end. When I think of all the cash we paid out to lawyers and rehab programs and moving him all over the country and the heartache associated with all of that, I would gladly take a loan to pay the $30k per year to do that and know he was safe from his own bad choices. The worst part of this is we don't know what we are dealing with until after we are years in and that is time wasted for everyone.

    Keep us posted.
  13. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    That's a whole lot of drama to process. Sorry you are facing all this. Stay strong and keep us posted. I hope you have a resolution soon.
  14. mentalcase

    mentalcase New Member

    The good news is that eventually he will deal with the consequences once he is front of the judge and everything he's doing/has done is dealt with. The bad news is that it is a lengthy process in my experience. Just beware its going to be alot slower than you want. I thought my son's charges and case would be quick, but here we are months later....

    This is all going to catch up with him- don't worry about that. But it's not going to be immediate. I know exactly what it feels like to have a kid completely out of control and be thinking...what next? At least you know where he is and you and your other kids are ok.

    At some point I just let my son go an figured all the stuff he did would provide a paper trail and evidence that he really needed some serious help (which it did). So maybe all this is going to do the same for your son and you don't have to be convincing a judge that he has a problem because it will be crystal clear to everyone. Hang in there!
  15. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I agree with mentalcase. It is a lengthy process. The lawyers get continuation after continuation i am not sure what that is supposed to achieve but it is what it is. When our son was younger and in trouble the DA talked to us about a residential program and we took his lawyer aside and told him not to fight it. It was a good program and worked for awhile and i still see him use some of the strategies they used. But it was not the final solution. I do not regret that decision.
  16. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Like most parents, we never wanted our son to have a criminal record - obviously not a felony or even a misdemeanor. After a while we just gave up caring.

    By the Grace of God he never got a felony.

    We paid to have his background espunged last year when it seemed like he was trying to get it together. It was nothing major, just a MJ charge from when he was a minor that prohibited him from getting a job at Publix (before he went into recovery).

    He has been working to get his license cleared - passed out at the wheel from pills 2 years ago, totaled car and thankfully no one was hurt and there was no property damage. We finally got a letter today that it is all clear. I think he sees how long it takes to clean up a mess.

    It is so much easier to live a clean life and not have to look over your back all the time. But they have to be sober a long time to "see" that unfortunately.