Small update....I fell hook line and sinker for my sons lies once again and let him back in my home. He wound up losing his job a week after moving back in (I am convinced he got fired on purpose so he could just mooch off me). And then I found two needles hidden in his room and some cough syrup that they mix with drinks and sip. I told him he had to leave again and he went into a rage saying the needles were old and he hadn't touched heroin in 4 months. I can't prove if they were old or not but I wasn't taking the chance. But in his rage he punched a hole in his bedroom door and then tore the door from the hinges. In the middle of this fight my husband left telling me he was done with our marriage because of him. He did come back once my son was gone and we are working on our marriage. I called my dad to come over to help me talk to my son (his grandfather was the only father figure in his life). We told him he had a choice of rehab or we press charges for the items he stole from me. Because of his insurance we have been having a nightmare getting him help and it was going to take a few days before he could get to the doctor for the in patient referral so he went to stay with my parents. His appointment is tomorrow so hopefully we can get him in right away after that. Long story short he and I were chatting today online and I asked him to be honest with me about why he turned to drugs. He told me that it was because his dad abandoned us and was not in his life after the age of 9, I wasn't a very good mother ( I had a drinking problem but have been sober for 3 years now) and that when I remarried he felt I was chosing my husband over him. He said my love for my husband is going to always keep us from being close. It is almost as if he is jealous of my marriage. He and my husband do NOT get along at all. And I can understand the issues my husband has with him. He has put us through hell so many times. But I am having a hard time detaching. I read the article on here about detaching and every single one of the behaviors listed is ME! And my husband tells me that my obsession over getting my son help is killing my marriage and my relationship with my 16yo daughter. I have to stop but after all the things he told me today I am scared if I cut him out of my life he will kill himself. He said the drugs kept him from killing himself. Any suggestions? Is he just trying to manipulate me? I want him to get help and I told him how sorry I was for my part in his troubles and that I wanted to go to family counseling and work on creating a healthy mother and son relationship. He wants no part of it because I won't leave my husband. My husband has done nothing to him other than call him out when he has lied or stolen from us. I honestly think he hates my husband because he helped me wake up to see that my son had a problem. I had my head buried for many years.