Son will be homeless again

[Helpless29]

My last post was that my son relapsed & came back to Chicago , he spent every dollar of that 24k loan he got . He was staying by my nephews house who also does drugs & drinks ( my nephew is 24 ) well I knew it wouldn’t last long because my nephew is giving him 1 week longer to stay there , then my son has to leave . I heard today from my sons girlfriend that he went to his grandparents house , I know they let him in but I don’t think they will let him stay there , especially after everything he’s done to them & they don’t trust him at all . When I heard that he could be homeless again I felt that knot in my stomach that I haven’t felt in so long , so many things went through my mind. He has done nothing since he got back to Chicago to better himself, all he’s done is drink & do cocaine. Few weeks ago I sent him a few messages asking how he’s doing etc , he didn’t reply back ,the only way I know his whereabouts is through his girlfriend .l don’t know if I can go through this again , the unknown, the worry , I know there is nothing I can do .

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. I'm very sorry. It is so hard on us.

Have you thought of an online Nar Anon meeting? I forgot your answer to that and I'm sorry. However I can not tell you how much this group saved me when I felt helpless. You can't help him him but you can help yourself.

Hugs and love.

 

[Copabanana]

l don’t know if I can go through this again , the unknown, the worry

If I can disengage, you can. My son is homeless. I love my son as much as you love yours. I was a hopeless wreck. What changed is that I realized that I have the capacity to disengage from the blow-by-blow identification with him. It is NOT me who sleeps in some forest. It is him, a distinctly different person with different capacities, tolerances, standards, and wishes. Right now as I type this I am in my bed. I am comfortable and I am safe. I choose to stay in my own body and mind and not do some flight of fancy to join him in his degradation.

By allowing yourself to abandon yourself you do him, yourself, and your family no good at all. Al-Anon is one way to learn the tools to restore your own sanity and well-being. I did not go to Al-Anon, but I found a deep faith where I do not even identify with my own suffering most of the time, let alone that of my son.

This is doable, Helpless. From what I have heard of your son, he needs to be on his own. This is how he has the potential to learn from life. Life is the best teacher. Mothers are not so good at this.

 

[RN0441]

Helpless there is a good group on Facebook called "Loving your Child Through Their Addiction" . The moderator is a very wonderful and wise woman and has a son that is also an addict. I would recommend joining this group as she gives some very sage advice. There are 16.7K members!!! We are not alone in this fight.

My son is feeding his addiction again also. It pains me to write these words. I will write more later when I can. I am living in the Twilight Zone.

 

[Nomad]

I’m so very sorry, Helpless. I see the others have given you wise advice. I know it hurts. And there is very little and much more likely nothing we can do to make a positive difference to help our adult children who repeatedly take the wrong path. It’s a horrible feeling. I know these support groups are extremely helpful. Al Anon or Families Anonymous. I spent my first mtg at FA crying. So much pain and frustration. I find their literature wise and comforting. You must protect yourself. I use to be so angry at G-d as I felt being left in such a helpless and hopeless position was grossly unfair. But, maybe there was some lessons I needed to learn. And also for our adult children too. I’m too a work in progress.