BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Boy, I feel like a pest. Nothing as been smooth lately, so where do I come? Here. At the very least it's a place to blog and if nobody is interested it'll just drop off the page.
I'll try to do the short version.
Ok, there IS no short version. I'll do it in parts...
Part One:
My father is a wealthy, but very stingy man. And when I say stingy, I mean he still begrudges us the braces we wore as children (I had teeth that had come in backwards). He would not pay for my sister to go to college and she had to take out a loan and pay it back. When I told him I was getting divorced about fifteen years ago, he said, "Well, don't look to me for any help. I'm broke." To indicate that he wasn't broke, he traveled all over the world during that time, and saved a lot of money toward his travels by living with his extremely wealthy lady friend. She never charged him rent and he just stashed the money away. He doesn't buy his grandchildren birthday presents because it costs too much.
Part Two:
My mother had never gotten along with me and, as I expected, she disinherited me. It's a long story, and both of us were at fault, I think, but she was difficult. I guess I can be too, but she was difficult AND unforgiving. Ok, so when she passed on I had to know that she thought so little of me she didn't even instruct my brother, the executor of the will, to let me go through her pictures and maybe take one as a memory (I don't know why I wanted one, but I did). And, trust me, my lovely siblings never offered to give me even one memory. All this time, my Dad and I were on speaking terms. He was never Dad of the Year. He once told us all "You never gave me ONE moment of pleasure, not one" and he meant it, but he did call us to see what was going on with our lives (or more importantly to tell us what is going on with his life--he never really cared about our lives.)
Part Three:
I have always been very broke, and I knew my dad, unlike my mom, would leave my something. Or so I thought. And often I let him abuse me because I didn't want to tick him off and get disinherited (again). And, trust me, it's kind of hard to stay quiet when he's yelling at me that I'm a "hillbilly" because I live in the country and that "you should have married a rich man" (I love my hub a lot--he's a great man). But, being a bit greedy, I put up with his abusiveness, sometimes combatting him, but not too often and I always said "I love you" at the end of our conversations because I do love him. He's my Dad.
Part Four:
My Dad is turning 85. I suggested to my siblings that we throw him a party. THey agreed and bro got an airline ticket. The week of the party was the week that I truly wondered if hub and I were going to end up homeless. I was a step away from a mental institution and just not myself. I happened to mention in an e-mail to my sister, who was having the party at her house, that I hadn't slept all week and I couldn't eat and that right now I didn't even know if I was well enough to go to the party. She never called me to talk about it (I would have gone to the party, even if I had to drag myself there). An hour later I get an e-mail that she has canceled the party and told my brother to cancel his ticket and told me to tell everyone not to come. She said if I wasn't going to be there, there was no point to a party at all.
Part Five:
Shocked, I called her and she just said "I have problems too" and got off the phone in a huff. I felt horrible. It was a surprise party and my idea and now it was called off. I called my dad the next day to at least let him know we had thought of him and had planned the party, but that it had gotten canceled, but MY family (kids and all) would still like to throw him a party. I didn't blame my sister. But I didn't expect him to whine and mumble, "I don't wnat to talk to you know. It's done and it's over and I don't want a party anymore." He hung up. I called back. He said, "So you're mad at me, eh????" He hung up again. I often tell my sister I'm mad at him. SHe often tells me she's mad at him. WE NEVER TELL HIM WHAT WE SAY ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER FORGIVE US. Until now. She must have said, "Pam is mad at you so I'm canceling the party." He obviously knew about it before I called him. Nice of her, huh? So he refuses to talk to me at all. Ever. He hangs up if I call or puts it into autom voicemail. I am crushed. I lost my mother and now my dad is doing the same thing she did. Hub is great support. He told me just to forget it--the family is nuts (they are)--and that we don't need his money. Part of greedy me still wants his money, but my heart is what hurts the most.
I finally changed my cell phone # and we're moving next week. He won't be able to contact me easily anymore. Why did I do such a dorky thing? Well, it hurts too much to hear the silent phone not ringing. My Dad has the ability to walk away from any of us and never look back. And he's doing that to me. At least, with a new number, I can pretend he's calling, but he can't get through. I can pretend he's writing to me, but doesn't have my address (I know, I know...they forward the mail, but I don't wanna hear that, don't wanna, not listening...covering ears...)
As for sister, she has done so much during the years, I want no part of her. But my heart is so broken.
Any perky words? I can sure use them. I did see my therapist and she told me that I seem to be much different from the rest of my family because I actually value the feelings of the members. Yet I feel like it's my fault because it's me who is always the one being left out. My Dad will be able to get my phone number if he really wants to. He can call my kids. But he won't. I know he won't. What do you tell yourself when both parents disliked you and disinherited you and treated you like last weeks garbage? And when the sister you have tried to help (especially lately) tries to get you in trouble with Dad (and succeeds) like we are both six years old?
Well, if you stuck with this, thanks. This forum does make a good blog. Sorry for being such a whiner this week
I'll try to do the short version.
Ok, there IS no short version. I'll do it in parts...
Part One:
My father is a wealthy, but very stingy man. And when I say stingy, I mean he still begrudges us the braces we wore as children (I had teeth that had come in backwards). He would not pay for my sister to go to college and she had to take out a loan and pay it back. When I told him I was getting divorced about fifteen years ago, he said, "Well, don't look to me for any help. I'm broke." To indicate that he wasn't broke, he traveled all over the world during that time, and saved a lot of money toward his travels by living with his extremely wealthy lady friend. She never charged him rent and he just stashed the money away. He doesn't buy his grandchildren birthday presents because it costs too much.
Part Two:
My mother had never gotten along with me and, as I expected, she disinherited me. It's a long story, and both of us were at fault, I think, but she was difficult. I guess I can be too, but she was difficult AND unforgiving. Ok, so when she passed on I had to know that she thought so little of me she didn't even instruct my brother, the executor of the will, to let me go through her pictures and maybe take one as a memory (I don't know why I wanted one, but I did). And, trust me, my lovely siblings never offered to give me even one memory. All this time, my Dad and I were on speaking terms. He was never Dad of the Year. He once told us all "You never gave me ONE moment of pleasure, not one" and he meant it, but he did call us to see what was going on with our lives (or more importantly to tell us what is going on with his life--he never really cared about our lives.)
Part Three:
I have always been very broke, and I knew my dad, unlike my mom, would leave my something. Or so I thought. And often I let him abuse me because I didn't want to tick him off and get disinherited (again). And, trust me, it's kind of hard to stay quiet when he's yelling at me that I'm a "hillbilly" because I live in the country and that "you should have married a rich man" (I love my hub a lot--he's a great man). But, being a bit greedy, I put up with his abusiveness, sometimes combatting him, but not too often and I always said "I love you" at the end of our conversations because I do love him. He's my Dad.
Part Four:
My Dad is turning 85. I suggested to my siblings that we throw him a party. THey agreed and bro got an airline ticket. The week of the party was the week that I truly wondered if hub and I were going to end up homeless. I was a step away from a mental institution and just not myself. I happened to mention in an e-mail to my sister, who was having the party at her house, that I hadn't slept all week and I couldn't eat and that right now I didn't even know if I was well enough to go to the party. She never called me to talk about it (I would have gone to the party, even if I had to drag myself there). An hour later I get an e-mail that she has canceled the party and told my brother to cancel his ticket and told me to tell everyone not to come. She said if I wasn't going to be there, there was no point to a party at all.
Part Five:
Shocked, I called her and she just said "I have problems too" and got off the phone in a huff. I felt horrible. It was a surprise party and my idea and now it was called off. I called my dad the next day to at least let him know we had thought of him and had planned the party, but that it had gotten canceled, but MY family (kids and all) would still like to throw him a party. I didn't blame my sister. But I didn't expect him to whine and mumble, "I don't wnat to talk to you know. It's done and it's over and I don't want a party anymore." He hung up. I called back. He said, "So you're mad at me, eh????" He hung up again. I often tell my sister I'm mad at him. SHe often tells me she's mad at him. WE NEVER TELL HIM WHAT WE SAY ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER FORGIVE US. Until now. She must have said, "Pam is mad at you so I'm canceling the party." He obviously knew about it before I called him. Nice of her, huh? So he refuses to talk to me at all. Ever. He hangs up if I call or puts it into autom voicemail. I am crushed. I lost my mother and now my dad is doing the same thing she did. Hub is great support. He told me just to forget it--the family is nuts (they are)--and that we don't need his money. Part of greedy me still wants his money, but my heart is what hurts the most.
I finally changed my cell phone # and we're moving next week. He won't be able to contact me easily anymore. Why did I do such a dorky thing? Well, it hurts too much to hear the silent phone not ringing. My Dad has the ability to walk away from any of us and never look back. And he's doing that to me. At least, with a new number, I can pretend he's calling, but he can't get through. I can pretend he's writing to me, but doesn't have my address (I know, I know...they forward the mail, but I don't wanna hear that, don't wanna, not listening...covering ears...)
As for sister, she has done so much during the years, I want no part of her. But my heart is so broken.
Any perky words? I can sure use them. I did see my therapist and she told me that I seem to be much different from the rest of my family because I actually value the feelings of the members. Yet I feel like it's my fault because it's me who is always the one being left out. My Dad will be able to get my phone number if he really wants to. He can call my kids. But he won't. I know he won't. What do you tell yourself when both parents disliked you and disinherited you and treated you like last weeks garbage? And when the sister you have tried to help (especially lately) tries to get you in trouble with Dad (and succeeds) like we are both six years old?
Well, if you stuck with this, thanks. This forum does make a good blog. Sorry for being such a whiner this week
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