Spanking?

[helpmeplease]

Do any of you spank your children? Has it worked? Made things worse?

Everytime my daughter flips out and we have to call the police, they tell me to spank her. They tell me what they would do with their children if they acted this way and it always includes spanking.

Today I called the court to file a CHINs petition, she said I couldn't do it without a note from a therapist and also mentioned calling the police and pressing domestic violence charges. I told her what the police do when I call them and she said "Well, have you considered that type of discipline?" I've never really spanked her and now I'm considering it. I don't want to, I want it to be the last resort, but I think if my daughter had something to fear she might be more motivated to keep her mouth shut. Almost every day she threatens to kill me, tells me to F*** off, refuses to do chores, and she hits me. I need this garbage to stop right now before my two youngest witness too much. I know they will do it too if they see her acting this way.

What do you all think about that? Does it work?

 

[timer lady]

It's a bit late in the game to start spanking - even if it's not the most effective consequence.

Please contact a family attorney & get further advise.

 

[smallworld]

in my humble opinion, violence begets violence so I feel certain you're not teaching her to be less violent by spanking her.

Your signature says your difficult child is depressed, and both therapy and medications didn't work. What medications have you tried and what was her reaction? What kind of therapy didn't work? How was she diagnosed and with what type of doctor? Again in my humble opinion, the only way you're going to make progress is if: 1) your difficult child gets a thorough evaluation (as in neuropsychological plus psychiatric)to make sure you have an accurate diagnosis; 2) your difficult child gets on the right medication mix; and 3) you locate appropriate therapeutic interventions. We struggled with aggression and nightly raging with difficult child 1 until he was put on the right medications. He's still depressed -- and we're working on that -- but we no longer have violence in our home.

Hope you are able to make some progress soon.

 

[oceans]

I don't think that is the answer. If she is depressed then she is not well. Perhaps she needs another evaluation. Perhaps she needs different medication that has not been tried yet. Maybe she needs to go to the ER, particularly if she is hurting others the household. When they are doing an initial evaluation you will get to talk to a social worker. She might need an inpatient stay. Google NAMI and find out what services are offered in your area. They are great for support, and they will have information on what supports are in your area. They can give you advice. They offer great classes to learn about mental illness, and have some good support groups. Get the explosive child by Ross Greene and read it. Hitting her will not make things better, and might even escalate things.

 

[SRL]

"Spanking" is based on one individual's ability to physically overpower someone who is weaker. Do you really think she would sit there silently and take what you deal out with a belt or other tool?

There is no "spanking" a 12-year-old. At this age, she's very likely to fight back, anger on both sides will rage, and you will have even more serious problems on your hands.

been there done that...on the receiving end and it wasn't pretty.

 

[Marguerite]

If you ever spanked, most people would be advising that you should have stopped well before 12. It certainly is not the time to start - it is simply inappropriate, ineffective and too risky legally, these days.

Australia is campaigning for parents to not spank their children at ANY age and it's almost to the point where it's going to be illegal. personally I think it's going too far to legislate it, but it does mean that OUR police (who probably also would advocate spanking in your situation) are going to have to be the ones to arrest people for spanking their children.

It's a weird world!

Marg

 

[sweepymom]

I got four misbehaving children and I spank them and it don't work for nothing. My oldest one just told me thats child abuse and he will go tell his therapist when they come to his school.

 

[Hound dog]

I used spanking as a last resort for a behavior that endangered the child or another person. But it was a rare thing around here. I think my kids can count the number of spankings they got on one hand.

That said, 12 is too old to still be spanking. And way beyond to old to even consider trying it.

I wish I could say I'm surprised at what you're being told, but I sat waiting to pick my son up from work one night and the cops had taken into custody a teen for shoplifting, Dad had been called to the scene and cop stood by while Dad slapped the daylights out of the teen.

Hugs

 

[busywend]

Tried it, it did not work. Made things worse. Caused even lower self-esteem.

 

[helpmeplease]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad you all responded the way you did, I dont want to spank her but I thought for a minute that I was missing the boat on how to get her to behave. When the police tell me, and the court clerk tell me to use that kind of discipline, then I started to second guess myself. I need some input on a situation but I'm going to go start a new thread for that one.

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-SRL. She's too old and big for you. It won't work.
How ironic that the police recommended that!
Have you seen the other thread on this? It will be very interesting to you.
I'd type more but my computer is wiggy tonight. Good luck.