Staying strong

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sherril2000, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Well I hate to admit it, but I was stupid enough to buy my son a meal last night & give him a ride to his friends house. My reward for this? He called me at 1am telling me he needed my car. When I refused to let him use it, he threatened to steal a car. He also threatened to break into houses again to get money if I wouldn't give him any more. I'm learning though. Even though it terrifies me he might actually do either of these things, I refused to let him use my car & I also refused to give him any more money. He started smoking pot again after he violated probation. It seems like his whole personality changes when he smokes, & all he ever thinks about is getting high. I'm just trying to hang in there, & not enable him any further.
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  2. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    That was nice of you to feed him and give him a ride. You're his mom, that's what we do. 1 am phone call and demands? You did great saying no. I learned to shut my ringer off at night, I need my sleep and no drama to keep me lying awake. If he's on probation and smoking pot, he'll end up in jail. It's only a matter of time... Keep that ringer off at bed time and you won't have to deal with it.
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  3. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thank you, that's great advice. I always set the alarm on my IPhone, but am going to buy an alarm clock instead. Then I can shut the ringer off. Tired of going to work after so little sleep!
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I've been doing this with my son for almost five years too so I hear you.

    From the ladies' advice on this forum I am finally starting to toughen up and take care of myself and realize my husband and I (and other son that lives with us) are just as important as the son causing us all so much grief.

    I had an alcoholic mother so am as a result a "fixer" of everything. I know I can't fix my son and I'll probably die trying.

    My son also thinks weed is absolutely wonderful and harmless and some seem to be able to handle a bit of it and live normal lives but not my son!

    Good luck to you and look forward to hearing your updates. I just posted a big one this morning!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Dont be shocked if he is doing way more than weed. They will admit pot.but tend to.leave out the stuff that freaks us out like cocaine or meth.

    Hugs for your hurting heart and, yeah, turn off the phone at night. Whatever he wants, it can wait.
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  6. UKMummy

    UKMummy Member

    Hi xxx
    I also switch my ringer off. In fact I can't have it ring at all because my stomach rolls at the sound (a hang up from many many awful calls from my Difficult Child)
    Anyway, just wanted to say that my alarm sounds even with it off. Try it.
    We all need our sleep and it can always wait til morning.
  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Don't you hate this? These are "mom" type things, the kinds of fun things we should just be able to do to support our children and spend a little time with them, and they use it against us.

    Great on you, Sherri! Way to go! Wish I could give you more than 1 "Winner!" How did telling him no work out?
  8. JMom

    JMom Active Member


    So sorry you were treated that way. We can relate to the cycle of doing normal mom thongs and getting more than we bargained for. I agree with somewhere out there. The level of manipulation doesn't typically come from pot smokers. I hope this isn't the case and I don't mean to scare you. I just want you to take care of yourself and protect yourself. Hugs -Jmom
  9. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    *my apologies my spell check loves to change the word things to "thongs"
  10. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    That is the hardest for me: that inability just to be a "mom," and just do "mom things" without it leading down dark roads. My daughter is the same. As soon as I do something because I want to, because it makes me feel good to do something for her as her mom, it opens the door to entitlement, demands, requests, and manipulations. Give her and inch and she suits up, gets behind the wheel of a military tank, and tries to run over everything I am and everything I have. It breaks my heart because it keeps me constantly guarded and afraid to do anything for her.