Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 1, 2008.
How are you doing?
Yea, I 2nd that! How are you?
Fingers still crossed...hope you're doing ok.
I would also like to let you know I am thinking of you. You have been so helpful to me already and I wish I could do something to relieve your worry and frustration. Just know you have friends all over the country who are thinking of you, praying for you, and ready to listen!
Thanks guys........I was just about to post an update and saw this thread
Well, I am not sure if I should be relieved or still on pins and needles. I cannot decide my emotions, although I would say there is some relief.
I talked to the Dr today, who had time to talk to the staff that had worked with M that night he was violent. The Dr said he was really shocked, because he fully expected the staff to say that they did not feel safe with M, and that they felt like they could not help him. (Apparently an episode like this happened last month with another boy, half of Matt's size and the staff decided that he was too unsafe to be in their program. So, the Dr was surprised that although Matt had done more damage, and is 6'3, the staff still felt like Matt was in control to some extent and was not a threat to them.)
Anyway, the Dr is still tentative, but willing to proceed forward with Matt. He will not be out of phosph until he is on the right dose of Lamictal, although I am worried that as they increase it again he will get this violent streak again, and then the Dr will be like - that is it. I would say forget the Lamictal, but it really did seem to help once he was stable on it. A catch 22.
The Dr also mentioned possibly getting a brain imaging SPECT scan done - which he rarely suggests, but thought it may be helpful. Anyone done this?
So, I guess all in all, it is OK. Not bad, sorta good, we will see. The Dr will get his medications right, start giving him passes back to the program, and see how he does. M is certainly doing better at phosph this time than before. I know the poo was scared out of him when he was handcuffed and thrown into the adult psychiatric unit and told he was committed - so that is good that he at least is seeing the reality of his actions in the adult world. Next time, he could be in jail.
I also know that our conversations with each other make him worse. Even though I try as hard as I can to be healthy and appropriate, the conversation always goes one of 2 ways. "Lets dump every problem on mom and see if she can fix it". Or he picks up on me being unhappy and then feels guilty and out of control that he cannot fix me. The later scenario really started playing out when my sister H died. I think she and I were so close, that he feels like if she could die, so could I, and he now feels responsible for always making sure I am OK. This scenario was part of what sent him over the edge on Thanksgiving. He could tell I was not my normal self, and he became frantic in trying to fix it. I told the Dr that from now on, I do not want our conversations to be without a therapist. For now, he does better when not talking to me. And actually I do better as well.
I guess now the real test will be to see how he does as he transitions back into the program. If he messes up again, that will be it. Talk about pressure.
Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. You guys are my rock.
Well, it sounds like it could be a lot worse. It might not hurt to be thinking about a Plan B (or should I say Plan C) at this point. You do sound pretty in touch with what is going on with M, emotionally. That can only help. I'm glad they are giving him another chance- and you some more time to digest everything.
I'm glad to hear that he isn't out on his bum, Steely. I wonder if telephone calls shouldn't be out for now. How about notes? Just little cards with "I love you" and "I'm thinking of you" type messages. He can't relate to his therapists how his conversations with you make him feel and why, but he can't dodge what his reaction to a short note is, and maybe he can work on things better that way.
Hey Witz! The notes and short cards are a great idea - another thing to "throw in" would be comics that make you laugh that would make him smile. My mother in law sends me some of the funniest things - and sometimes it's just the clipping in an envelope - that just start my day on a high note!
Glad you're feeling a little better Steely!
Yea Witz. Conversations without a counselor are out, for sure at this point, until we can find a different dynamic and groove. He won't talk about H's death, still, except to tell someone he didn't cry at her funeral and everyone was mad at him - which is a total and complete fabrication - his own guilt doing mind tricks on him. My parents didn't even cry, let alone someone being worried about him. Anyway, until he does talk her death out, I think this will all be even more difficult.
I do have a plan B.......there is another place that is willing to take him. So I guess that is also good news, except it seems like bad. 4 placements in 4 months??????? When is the kid gonna get it together? And how can that many placements do anything but deepen his abandonment issues. And how many placements will it take????? Then again, he can't come back home. So it would be the only choice.
Well I hope this works. Let yourself breathe for a moment.
I like the idea of cards for now as well, or a counselor in the room.
Steley: Well thank god for that! You are a good Mom.
The author of How You Can Survive When They;re Depressed points out that the families with a depressed family member have not been studied much. Anne Sheffield the author (Harmony/NewYork) published to get more ideas going out here where we all are....living with it.
I especially applaud the insight that conseling and theraputic contact is the best choice for both of you. When we are in relationships that just are all
going down the same rut it is so futile. Taking the oppertunities to be listneing and responding to the old stuff and learning new behavor are what alot of people do not work on.
The fact that a person is living with a type of affliction and that they are not going to be turning that off, or blooming into some other person is what it is.
Since so many people are living with one thing or another wether in treatment, self medicating or just limping along "neat" and the fact is that is what it is, too.
What you have managed here is wonderful. Really. I was thinking about the matter and it occured to me that the treating psyciatrist does need your son to be co-operating to be benefiting from a program. And also since he is perscribing if his treatment is not working how is it possible that turning his back is an answer? Wouldn't the doctor get a second opinion if he has a patient that is not responding to treatment? I did not understand how that works. Is it even ethical
with someone having psycotic episodes? That was it wasn't it?
Hope you are doing something for you and destressing after all this.
I can feel the support for you by just reading this thread, Steely! I am so thankful that you received some positive news today, in that they are allowing M to stay for now. I also agree you seem to be incredibly in touch with your son and for now, no calls without a therapist sounds like a good plan. And if the calls upset both of you, maybe skip the calls altogether for now. Notecards, care packages, etc are always appreciated.
There has to be some light at the end of the tunnel for you and your son. I just can't imagine how much more you can go through. I agree with the fact that the facility should be able to provide you with more concrete answers. What have they done in the past with patients similar to M? What benefits do they say the scan will provide? How much do these scans actually cost? And where is this Dr. Amon (sp?) I keep hearing about? I like the idea of the scan for the simple reason that it sounds like it helps with the medications. I know my son has been an incredibly complicated case medically so I would be interested in hearing more about this option. It seems we just all try medications, one after the other as they are suggested, and the scan could perhaps eliminate the back and forth.
Just know you are not alone. We are all thinking about you!
Try to get some rest for now...
i responded on your other threads, yet overall i think this is a good thing, that he's willing to still work with him. that he wants to get him stabilized on the medications.
Hey, thanks guys.........rest is what I am about to do.
Rope, the psychotic episode is a matter of debate. How do you determine psychosis? The staff that witnessed this did not think it was psychotic or medication induced. I am not sure if that is good or bad - but at this point it is working in our favor, because they believe Matt is in control of his behavior. I personally think it was a combo of medications, thanksgiving, me, etc. I really never know with him - but I know he has always gained power through threatening people. And it has worked. Reality is now hitting.
627 this Dr Amen has several clinics throughout the US. He has been pretty controversial, and yet, obviously doctors are starting to look at his data rather seriously. Interesting. You can google him and find out more.
I see a lot of hope for M's situation from a lot of different angles. I'm not usually one who "senses" things, but I have a feeling things are going to get better for him after this current stay. It's going to be an education for him, and I also think that they'll get a handle on his medications and get him to a more stable place than he's been in a long time. I think that's the beginning of a new future for him.
I hope my gut is right.
Hang in there mom... you're doing everything you can, and then some.
I am very glad that the staff is willing to continue to work with him. IT really says a lot of good things about Matt that they are. It sounds like the doctor has a pretty good plan in place - get his medications stabilized and THEN gradually move him to the program. MUCH better than tossing him out, and better than moving him back while he is still unstable.
I don't know anything about SPECT scans, but if it can't hurt him, and might give mroe info, than I say go for it.
It is hard when direct contact with us makes things worse for our kids. Really really is a stake through the heart, isn't it?
I think short notes, upbeat ones, with a joke or funny thing that happened, would be great. The therapists can see how he reacts, he can read them over and over, and you could do all sorts of cool pictures on the front. You could even do a part of a larger picture on each of say 12 cards. Then he can hang them up to make a picture. (I have NO idea where that came from - just came to me.)
I am glad to hear YOU sound more positive now also.
All things considered, this is good news. It sounds like there is lots of reasons to be hopeful that M is going to do ok in this placement. However, I'm glad that you found another one, just in case.
I like the idea that others have suggested about just sending M little notes, funny sayings, etc., for now. This lets him know you love him, are thinking about him, and won't add any "fuel" to the fire.
I don't have any good advice. As always, I just want you to know I'm keeping you and M in my thoughts and prayers... Hugs.... WFEN
I was so relieved to read your post. I know where you are with the inbetween Mom heart thing, have faith.
I had a SPECT scan done on Dude - I think, if what I'm thinking is to determine if the cause of the outbursts are organic in nature it's a colored MRI of his brain. (not sure so correct me if wrong)
For us it determined once and for all there were no lesions or tumors or missing parts in his brain. For him it said YOU HAVE A BRAIN - there is nothing wrong in your head - USE YOUR SMARTS.
I have heard of this Dr. Amen - but really don't know any more than reading his web site.
I'm glad you have a reprieve....
Hugs & Love
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