Find support groups for you and your husband and be ready with names of rehabs and treatment centers for your stepdaughter.
Hi Becca, and welcome. I'm sorry. And it's really tough when you are also trying to deal with your husband and his denial.
Your best defense right now is to get you and your husband as informed as is possible about addiction. If he won't do it, you go ahead and start.
I would recommend going to Al-Anon meetings, reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, Beverly Conyers' Addict in the Family, When the Servant Becomes the Master...any and all Al-Anon literature, and this site.
Sadly, it takes time to accept what is right in front of you, especially if you are the parent. You are going to 'get there' way before he does.
If you love your husband and want to stay with him, please be patient with him as you offer information and education about addiction.
Addiction is a progressive disease, and it will get worse. I would expect that sooner, rather than later, he will have to face facts. She'll either land back in the hospital or in jail. It's hard to argue with doctors, lab tests, police officers and arrest records.
Please realize that drug addicts lie. It's part of the disease. Also, the disease is a primary diagnosis which means it has to be treated before anything else can be treated, or at the same time by experts in co-occurring disorders.
Right now, she is in the grip of a terrible awful disease. It is characterized by immaturity, faulty thinking, denial, grandiosity, lying, stealing and many other negative behaviors.
Underneath it all is a real person still. But you likely won't see her for a while, and maybe you haven't seen the real her for a long time.
P.S. Do what you can to stop the flow of money. One thing we did: have her take out a student loan in her name for the next semester. If she passes, you pay the loan. If not, she does.
Also, her maturation and development stopped when she started using, so if she acts like a 12, 13, 14 or 15 year old, you know why.
I agree---don't let her stay alone with your 2 year old, but addicts need support, love and encouragement.
It is an awful, terrible, horrible disease, and it mows down everybody in its path. Take care of yourself. Again, realize your husband is in pain and grief and despair himself. Denial is a survival mechanism until we get strong enough to start seeing the truth.