The adoption agency put our cat to sleep and it's all my fault.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Recently we moved and had to give up our cat for adoption. The cat had issues. He peed everywhere, was afraid of strangers, and my autistic son frequently played too rough with him. I could not have the cat pee in our new apartment so I gave him up. I tried and tried and tried to find a no kill adoption agency. Some wanted $350 and others were too full. My mom finally found one that only cost $81 so I decided to take him there.

    Didn't find out that it wasn't a no kill adoption agency till after I paid and gave him up. My mom knew all along that it wasn't a no kill adoption agency and didn't tell me. I told the agency to call me if he wasn't adopted cause I did NOT want him to be put to sleep. The lady told me I could call every day and check up on him. I forgot to call yesterday because my coworker was absent and I got very busy. I made sure to call today. It was too late. The already put him to sleep.

    If I had called yesterday maybe I could have saved him. I feel so bad now and I have to tell difficult child 1 and she is gonna be so mad at me. Today my coworker found out the cat was put to sleep (she gave him to us when he was a kitten) and she ignored me and didn't say goodbye. Then she posted a really nasty status on facebook blaming me for the whole thing. When I tried to explain myself she cussed me out. Now I am going to be given the silent treatment and she will refuse to talk to me. When this happens I always get bad anxiety (she has done this to me before and she's kinda like my supervisor.) I am having bad anxiety right now as I type. I hope I can sleep through this tonight. I feel bad enough as it is.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Well, if coworker was so concerned about the cat that peed everywhere (been there done that) she should have volunteered to take it back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Shed the guilt! You did the absolutely very best you possibly could! As far as your kids are concerned. a little white lie won't hurt them - kitty got a new home. They don't need to know the new home is in the afterlife.

    Seriously, please don't waste another second of anxiety or angst over this issue.
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I told her on facebook that she should've taken him back. She blamed me for not training him well enough. He was fine the first four years and just started peeing all over the place in the last two years. She told me she was worried about him the last few days. If she was that worried then she should've taken him and seen how well SHE could've done with him. I am so upset right now and she is just making me feel worse.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    You work with her so don't unfriend or block her on FB, but do "hide" her so you don't see her comments. You did the best you could in a very difficult situation. You deserve better treatment than this (and believe me, I'm a huge kitty lover!). (((Hugs))) for your hurting heart.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ugg that is not what face book is about. in my humble opinion.... I hate when people put personal gripes that can hurt others.

    Once the cat was yours it was yours. You didn't intentionally put it down and you have no responsibility. You tried. Something was probably wrong with it if it was peeing all over like that. I am so sorry it happened, but do not let this person's immature responses hurt you in any way. It is a reflection on HER not you.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm sorry they put the cat down. Did they give you a reason? Perhaps it was due to something medical?

    Lose the guilt. You did the best you could and that is all anyone can ask. Things happen and sometimes our choices are so limited that we have to make ones we wouldn't ordinarily make. And you did try to prevent them from putting him to sleep. You're only human.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hon - you did what you could with limited resources.

    As for the witchy coworker? She probably feels guilty because she thought about it but did nothing.

    Oh, and that phone call you didn't make? Probably wouldn't have stopped ANYTHING. This is from my sister in law who works with pet rescues. Usually they have a set number of days, like 3-5, and then the cat is put down anyway.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Don't engage with her at all on FB and at work, keep it strictly to business. Behave as if SHE is the one who is horrible-because she is!

    Go about your business and your life. You did what you could. If you don't have to tell the kids, don't. Hugs.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, I'm so sorry!

    Here are my thoughts:
    1) Your coworker gave you a gift. Once it is given, it is yours to do with what you wish (or what you find necessary)
    2) You are right to find a new home for the cat. It was a bad situation and you took control of it
    3) You got burned when it came to lacking info from your mother, and having to pay, in essence, for the cat to be put down
    4) That does not change the fact that you did what you had to do under the circumstances.
    I would just take it day-to-day in regard to the coworker and hope she can work out her anger and control issues, with-o making your job h*ll.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    OK - this is not a case of a cat being "untrained"....this is a cat with a medical problem. Possibly, a difficult to treat medical problem. It's entirely possible that even under the best of circumstances, if money was no object, and the best care and the highest quality of food and medications were available - the cat still might have been put down.

    It's still very sad....and we all wish we could make it better...

    but sometimes these things happen.

    And it's nobody's fault...

    I'm so sorry that you are hurting.

  11. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I am still upset over this. Today at work she is giving me the silent treatment, as expected. She continued to blast me all over facebook last night. I kept getting message notifications on my phone. I explained one MORE time that the cat peed on the kids' clothes, on the carpets, everything. My daughter has been told on more than one occasion that she smelled like cat pee. The school psychologist started asking her questions about her living environment. One teacher asked her if my house is "unclean." I was scared to death I would have social services on me taking away the kids. Their dad threatened to take them away too. I did what I had to do and told her so. Said I was choosing my kids over my cat.

    She told me that was bull**** and I shouldn't be playing the "kid card." Suddenly guess what? All my comments mysteriously disappeared from her status. Now her friends think I'm a cold hearted cat killer that gave him away for no good reason. She even had a friend of hers telling me I don't deserve to have a pet. Then my coworker accused me of never loving him. I loved that cat like he was my own child. I am devastated over this and she is making it so much worse. Oh and for those of you who asked, the adoption agency told me they put him down because he wasn't friendly enough. When I brought him there I warned them that he is a shy cat who is fearful of strangers. The lady started petting him and told me that he was letting her pet him so he couldn't be all that bad. The only reason why the cat let him pet her was because we were there. As soon as we left, he began growling at anybody that would go near him. I am extra ****** because I specifically told them I wanted to be notified so I could take him back if he was to be put to sleep. I am still heartbroken and certain people aren't helping.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Her friends need to shut up. And hon? Who really cares what they think anyway?

    Block her statuses/comments from your feed... They're only making it worse. And, yes, you DID choose your kids over your cat. They've been yours longer! And, I am a cat LOVER, but you HAVE to do what you have to do. Period.

    One more little secret... Her "friends" are probably wondering what they will do wrong to deserve the same treatment.

    That adoption agency would've hated my AngelKitten. She was a snuggler, a real sweetie - but she would randomly attack ankles. And hiss and growl. I had her for 17 years.
  13. Pandora

    Pandora Member

    Sounds like you have 2 people you need to see less of ..... your mother and your co-worker. Perhaps her not talking to you would be a blessing in disguise. I would de-friend her on Facebook immediately.

    If this was a kill facility, most likely your failure to call had little or nothing to do with him being put down.
  14. Gem

    Gem New Member

    This is why I don't trust anyone when it comes to my fuzzy baby boy, even at the vets I don't let him out of my site. I had a situation 5 years ago where the vet wanted to put him to sleep because he had urinary blockage and I was sick with insanity over it so prayed about it and amazingly emergency surgery was performed which saved his life on earth. I'm sorry you lost your fuzzy baby but realize you did the best you could at the time and you were duped. You didn't make the conscience choice to put him to death, they did and had the nerve to charge you and leave you feeling sick.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Your coworkers, including the one who gave you the cat, need to keep their noses out of it. Only if they were living with him day in and day out can they offer up an opinion of your character.

    If he did fine with the litter box, then suddenly was having issues, it's a medical thing.........they might or might not be able to successfully treat. My daughter has a cat who was like that. He did just fine for the longest time........then all over the place in the house. She tried having him neutered to see if it would help. (she would've done that anyway) Nope. She put up with it until he started going all over the baby's things.

    She didn't give him up, but she did put him outside on a permanent basis. They still care for him, and since he's been outside he's also went from super shy to very he gets plenty of lovin' even out there.

    I personally, know for certain you went beyond what I'd have done. I put Willie out for the same behavior. (he never learned a litter box from momma cat) And I did take care of him. But Mr Bruce has been put on notice should he ever start doing the potty in the house/not in the litter box deal........he's outside quick with Minnie and Midnight. I can barely tolerate cat waste IN the litter box. Outside of it makes me gag and vomit. I'd rather put up with dog waste, it doesn't linger for eternity.

    You need to let go of the guilt. Somethings we just don't get much control over. IF it was a medical issue, and it sounds like it was..........he's in a much better place now even though you all miss him terribly.

  16. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well it's done and over with and after six weeks of the silent treatment, suddenly little miss princess supervisor is talking to me again. The only reason why she started talking to me again is because I went to court two weeks ago and she is so damn nosy that she wanted to know why. We have never mentioned the cat incident since our last fall out. Recently we adopted a new kitty named Lily. She is super sweet, loves difficult child 2 (last cat HATED him) and she knows how to use a litter box. I still miss my sweet Tigger. He was MY cat. He would greet me every morning and I would pet him and he would purr. He gave me comfort. At least I know that he is at peace. No more anxiety for him. He is in a better place.
  17. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm firm believer that for pets the life quality triumphs over lifespan. In fact I see no kill-shelters as a problem, not solution. Life quality for the dog or cat in shelter is not usually that good. They are in small gages most of their time, they don't get enough exercise or activity and in some even the food is not that high quality. Dogs and cats survive in those circumstances but it is not a good life for them. That of course doesn't matter, if the animal is re-homed rather quickly. Month, two months or three months is a short time compared to rest of their lives. But if the animal is very unlikely to be re-homed in reasonable time (if for example they are old, sick, need expensive or burdensome medical care, have behavioural problems or are simply for other reason very difficult to re-home) I think it would be better to euthanatize them. Putting them down doesn't cause them suffering, keeping them alive in situation there their life quality is poor does.

    And to be honest, at least here there are so many perfectly unproblematic cats available for adoption that it is very, very unlikely that anyone would take a cat with litter box problems. So if I had a cat like that and couldn't keep him myself, I wouldn't even take them to shelter but to the vet and have him put to sleep.
  18. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well thank you. I know in my heart I did the right thing. This car of mine had major anxiety issues. He would freak out every time someone would knock on the door. He would hiss and growl at my son every time he saw him. The cat had issues. He is in a better
    Place right now. He no longer suffers...
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I have to agree with you per no kill shelters. I think their heart is in the right place, but I don't think unless an animal can be rehomed quickly.......that it's a good idea. I don't like the idea of putting innocent animals down due to someone's irresponsibility either. But I look at our no kill shelter..........and seriously, I think for many of them it's the best option to end their suffering. Ours is always over crowded, which means up to 5-10 (depending on ages) dogs in a cage, and while they're somewhat largish.....they just aren't big enough for that many dogs per cage. The dogs often fight with each other, probably due to stress ect.......and they don't have much in way of options in keeping dogs that don't get along with other dogs separate. Most animals adopted there are sick and die shortly after they're adopted, especially puppies. The cats are far worse off. They get stacked in crates 3 high, and a ton of cats in each crate with a litter box stuck in there and a water bottle.

    I used to visit it regularly to visit the dogs/ help out if I could. And like so many other volunteers........I had to stop because I just couldn't take it. They have two dogs that came in there as small pups. They were shy and didn't get adopted. They're now as old as Rowdy and they've lived out their entire lives locked in a dingy cage. It not only breaks my heart, it makes me furious. There is a lot to be said for Quality of Life. They have a few others in the same boat. But they refuse to consider putting any of them down.........because it's "cruel". No, what's cruel is living in a cage with virtually no attention whatsoever you're entire life. They have so few volunteers. And people shy away from adopting from the no kill shelter due to it's reputation for sick animals.

    Our pound has an enormous volunteer group dedicated to preventing animals from being put down. They come out daily and walk and play with all the dogs to keep them socialized and help ease they're stress and anxiety. They work hard at getting foster homes and rescues to help dogs that aren't getting claimed or adopted. Our kill rate has drastically dropped. They do help the no kill shelter some.....but honestly, the urgency is not there due to it being a no kill they do far more work at the pound.

    I just wish people would stop thinking Ohhh there is a cute puppy or kitty, let's take it it's a frigging new toy or something........then just dumping it when they were too lazy to train or care for it......or letting it have heaven knows how many litters because they were too stupid to have them fixed. ugh

    I'll climb off my soapbox now.

    Congrats on the new baby kitty CB. Enjoy her.

  20. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I know I jumped in late to the conversation but have had cats my whole life and if a trained cat that is under 10yo starts peeing all over the place and acting all skittish its either injured or got a urinary blockage that is going to run over $1000 in vet bills to save its life. It can happen to any cat but most often in neutered males 7-10 yo. It has to do with the magnesium content in the food and if you have to use "budget" cat food I strongly urge you to use friskey's - I have had 5 cats make it to the 18-20 year mark with that brand.

    It's quite common for 18yo cats to pee anywhere but not one under 10yo unless it is sick; when Lily is old enough to switch from kitten food I strongly suggest check magnesium content of new food or use friskey's.