the positive side to being suspended

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, May 15, 2009.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So difficult child is suspended again, ISS, untill we have a manifest determination hearing. He took a bottle of Immodium to school, and apparently said he got it from his "gang" Usually any instance involving drugs or what is portrayed as drugs is an immediate 10 day suspension and involves the local police. Since he has an IEP we have a different route. Anyhoo--

    He was supposed to have a 5th grade concert last night, but due to his suspension he could not go. The middle school he will be going to next year was having a potluck last night. Originally difficult child wanted to go to the concert but changed his mind when that was no longer an option. I feel the poor kid does deserve something good, he has had consequences at home, consequences at school--the world has been telling him how bad he is. in my humble opinion, he gets it. It is time to move on. He had a ball at the potluck. He was playing pool with a highschooler, playing fooseball with a girl who will be in his class. He has been really pretty negative about this change, so I was so glad to see something positive related to the middle school.

    He was really sweet, the girl he was playing with was kinda loud, and when the director started to talk I went and got difficult child and had him sit down with us. He did not argue (wow) but I could tell he did not want to. He later whispered to me that he was worried about the girl as she did not know where her mom was. All the parents were in the cafeteria, she is a fifth grader currently, so I am sure she found her mom, but it was nice to see him worried about someone else, especially given what has gone on with him lately.

    I never expected to find a really positive thing from being suspended. This was nice. husband even went, though it is hard to socialize with him around. He gets so anxious. We did stay and help clean up some.

    You know, I really needed to see that side of difficult child again. It will give me the fuel I need to do this manifest determination hearing thing.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm glad he had fun. I'm really looking forward to next year for him! I have a good feeling about this middle school.

    I 100% agree with this. Our district's Special Education director knows that if I will not support any decision to suspend Tigger -- he has technically been suspended 3 times but he doesn't know. The first time I was so ticked at the school that I took Tigger to Chuck-E-Cheese. I made it very clear that suspending my child for things outside his control -- including staff incompetence would not get any support from me.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    JJJ, I am looking forward to it for him to. When we walked in the director was right there, and I introduced myself and he asked me who I belonged to. I liked that, as it puts the emphasis on the student and not the parent. I told him difficult child's first name, and he spelled the last name. He knew it already! How amazing is that.

    difficult child so needs a new start, to leave all the stereotypes of who he is behind and to begin again. I think there is only one kid from his elementary school going to this middle school. This school seems to be much more positive, and does not try to shove kids in the same box learning wise.

    psychiatrist and therapist both think it will be great for them, and I trust psychiatrist. He has been with difficult child through thick and thin, and for the last 2 or 3 years. He has called the school and kept them from expelling him before he had the OHI and ED on his IEP. He is human, and I don't always agree with him, but I never agree with everyone all the time.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    This is exactly the situation we are in :) Hoping next year is a MUCH better experience for both our difficult children!
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am very glad to hear something positive came of the suspension. I find suspension to be a totally bizarre "consequence". It is usually given to students who do not want to be in school or in class. Isn't suspension REWARDING the student for the bad behaviors unless they have a parent who will make home life miserable for the child? I never EVER felt that it would be good for any of my kids.

    You have probably hit the nail on the head with it being time to move on from telling the child how wrong he is. I hope he continues to have good feelings about this school, and that it is a wonderful experience. I know for us the difference between elem school and middle school was staggering - even for Jessie who is truly a easy child. The school seemed to want to punish ALL the students just for BEING. Then the switch to the jr high was again staggering - the faculty and staff seemed to ENJOY the kids AND the parents.

    I think taking him to the potluck was a great choice, and I hope he can do some other interesting things while suspended. maybe a science or children's museum if one is nearby?
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    He has the option of going to school and being in ISS, or we can keep him home. You know what blows me away? He WANTS to go to school. He says he thinks he can go to morning recess. That is just so sad. I don't know that I want to make suspension too much fun, with my luck then he will try to get suspended.

    He has an Occupational Therapist (OT) appointment today, so husband will pick him up at 11 and not take him back when they are done.
  7. megapterawhales

    megapterawhales New Member

    I am glad you are having positive experiences out of this. What is an ISS? My daughter is in second grade and has been suspended twice, one being for three days. I had to learn to adapt her schedule so she can do her schoolwork. The only challenge I have is my husband still tries to ask her why she does this. Sometimes she does not remember. With her disability it is hard to tell why she is doing these violent outbursts. Anyway, I am glad you are getting the idea that once it is done, it is done. I am glad you let him go to the potlluck.:D
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    ISS is in school suspension. Student is suspended, but not removed from school and therefore usually (in my difficult child's instance) still does his school work.