This aggression is TOO much!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 3girlz, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. 3girlz

    3girlz Guest

    Is so done with this aggression with my ODD, ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified daughter. I can no longer leave her alone in the same room as Her 17 month old sister. She grabbed her around the neck for NO reason this afternoon. She has always been aggressive with her older sister, but this was a first with her baby sister. then later threw a little chair across the room again for no reason. When asked why she did both things she said, "I do not know, I was just feeling so mad" But nothing happened to make her mad! Really hope her néw behavior services we start tomorrow help!

    Anyway, just venting, I am so lost with what to do anymore and just broke down crying to my hubby just now! thanks for listening!
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Sending ((((hugs))))

    I don't know the ages of your children, but it seems clear that you must keep that separated. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened...
  3. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    I can so relate. difficult child 2 would blow up with or without provocation in a split second. And believe me, he was dangerous, even at 12 years old. It took us forever to get it under control. In actuality, it wasn't until he was much older and we made drastic life changes that things started to calm down.

    I can tell you the first step was supervision. Heck, there were days I couldn't even leave difficult child 2 alone long enough to shower or go pee. But what I didn't learn until much later was that supervision wasn't enough. medications weren't enough. The real key was observation - noting everything about situations where he started to spiral into a meltdown or had some display of violent behavior. I made notes about everything, including what he ate. (I'm talking I kept copious notes, looking for any kind of a clue.) Eventually, patterns did start to emerge. Sometimes it had nothing to do with what was going on at that moment. Sometimes it started that morning with him just having a grumpy mood day. I learned over time to find ways to counteract or at least spot some triggers. Not all, but some. It helped us minimize his meltdowns.

    Granted, I was lucky in that I started homeschooling the kids and working from home, so I was around him 24/7. It gave me a unique opportunity to really get to know him, his moods, his behaviors, little signals and cues. As he got older and was better able to communicate what was going on in his head, it got a lot easier. I know that doesn't help you right now, but I promise, there is light at the end of the tunnel - even for the most hopeless of cases (which we thought difficult child 2 would be.) You would have never been able to make me believe that a few years ago. Especially not on days when all I could do was lock myself in the bathroom at night and ball my eyes out.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Have you gotten "The Explosive Child" yet?
  5. brendan

    brendan Guest

    Big (((((HUGS))))) to you. I know how you feel. You cannot reason with them because they have no idea what they are doing. Until difficult child got on Ritalin I had to constantly be on the lookout with other kids because they would just look at him wrong and he would punch them.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I understand. I don't like to leave my 6 year old easy child alone with my 11 year old difficult child. Some days they are fine together, but other times difficult child will hit or punch easy child for no reason. One morning easy child was sitting at the kitchen table, quietly eating, and difficult child walked up to him a pinched him. easy child is crying with a big welt on his neck, and difficult child looks at me with this surprised look on his face saying, "I didn't do anything."

    Try to keep them apart as much as possible, especially the littlest one. I know that's tough some times, but if they are not together, difficult child can't hurt either one of her siblings.

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sometimes it's nothing that has happened. If she has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in any form, she will be feeling constantly baulked and frustrated, plus does not have the tools to deal with this. This level of internal anger is normal and understandable. She is not a bad, evil child but this anger IS obviously a danger to the baby so I do agree with the others - supervise. We had to do it also.

    It does pass, once she is mature enough to begin to learn that anger can be managed. These kids have an amazing capacity for self-discipline, but it does take time for them to learn control. She will get there. You will get there. But in the meantime - sympathies, it IS a rough ride and you need to be there constantly. Just let me assure you - vigilance, support and supervision now will pay off for you.

    Meantime - vent away. Crikey, do we know what you're talking about!

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I can no longer leave her alone in the same room as Her 17 month old sister.

    Correct. The issue is knowing that, but not connecting any blame with-it, which is virtually impossible. Just know that is your goal.
    Something is not right with-your difficult child. Work on it while keeping the kids separted. Safety is your #1 issue. You do not want your child to do something permanent to your other child that she may have to deal with-for the rest of her life. YOU draw the boundaries because she cannot.

    Take care.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Travis is 24 and I still don't leave him alone with young children, most especially babies. He wouldn't dream of hurting them on purpose.......on accident is another matter all together.

    I wouldn't leave difficult child unsupervised around any child if she has a tendency to become violent.

    And Marg is so right when she says there doesn't have to be an obvious reason. Frustration builds up.........even if the child doesn't have the ability to say what they're frustrated at.......and it often comes out as anger. When Travis was little I redirected his toward a blow up punching bag did we go through those. lol A bit older it was his pillow. Eventually he learned to express his frustration with words, but it took a very long time. It's hard for them to explain to us what the world is like in their view.

    But even with her diagnosis she has to learn that certain behavior is unacceptable. The earlier you start the better.

    (((hugs))) Those younger years were hard.
  10. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    Interesting...even after two years of no meltdowns and huge strides in his maturity, difficult child 2 is still nervous about being around very small children or babies. He's afraid he'll do something on accident and hurt them. He worries that he still might not be able to control his temper or frustration and could lash out before realizing it. Amazingly enough, I think I have more faith in him around small children than he does himself. I don't leave him alone with the grandbaby (except maybe to go to the bathroom) but it's more out of concern that he'll panic if she were to stumble or fall, and he'd freeze, not knowing what to do.