Okay, so difficult child and GFH ran out of money for motels, so he came home last night.
We had a small but okay interaction.
Today, he took off at noon and I didn't see him all day. He came home and hung around the house, not doing too much, then asked me for a suitcase. I said 'How large?" and then it went downhill from there. I had told him I'd give him a 350.00 subsidy for rent as long as he stayed in school, and so I thought he had planned on saving some money from his new job, adding it together with his subsidy and GFH money and then getting a small apartment together. No, he stated, as soon as he got some money, he was going to spend it on motels so that they could be together at night, (because she isn't allowed here anymore because of her arguing and yelling). I said, hold on hold on. I will give you money for RENT, not for MOTELS. And be careful with arguing with your girlfriend, because if you get arrested for domestic disturbance, or abuse, I am not going to bail you out. So be careful.
He went off on me, packing up his clothes, telling me to F off and not letting her over is the same as kicking him out, and F off. Again. I said, fine, out, I will not be disrespected in my home, and I work hard for my money. He seems to think that just because I have money, I should give it to him. His dad spent all day long working on a recording my son did. I don't know why, but that seems to make me cry the most, because after all that work, difficult child never got to hear it. I guess it will be here later.
I was calm when I told him that I loved him and then when he could sit down and have a reasonable adult conversation about how to make it happen so that he could move out with GFH asap, rather than getting immediate satisfaction from a motel, and apologize to me for his behaviour then I would be here and he could come back. He practically spat at me that he felt it was his right to sleep here and he owed me nothing. He took everything and then left.
And then I cried and feel sick, and if it was the right thing to do, wouldn't I feel okay? I'm trying to feel what my gut says, and I think my gut says, he made the choice to act like a brat that wanted candy now, and he used abusive language towards me, and he has no idea what he's doing and he'll have to learn soon enough. And if he doesn't learn it now, he's never going to learn. And I certainly don't want some 21, then 22, then 23 year old and on and on acting this way. It has to start and stop somewhere. So, he's out in his car with all of his stuff. Well, let's see how this goes. The sun will still rise and set tomorrow. I am preparing for worse case scenarios, and suicide or self-maiming could be in there too, I am prepared for it all.
He has NEVER talked to me this way. It's so uncharacteristic of him, when he gets upset, he usually goes cold and in control. Like me. Oh well. I can't really do anything. I think I am going to look for therapy for me tomorrow for sure, because I need to discuss this with a professional. MWM would say, "He chose to not apologize and act like an adult, didn't he? He decided to walk out and he did, and there is nothing you should feel guilty about." My inner person says for me to go take a bath. So I'm going to do that.
You guys are great. Like immediate group therapy. Thank you.
We had a small but okay interaction.
Today, he took off at noon and I didn't see him all day. He came home and hung around the house, not doing too much, then asked me for a suitcase. I said 'How large?" and then it went downhill from there. I had told him I'd give him a 350.00 subsidy for rent as long as he stayed in school, and so I thought he had planned on saving some money from his new job, adding it together with his subsidy and GFH money and then getting a small apartment together. No, he stated, as soon as he got some money, he was going to spend it on motels so that they could be together at night, (because she isn't allowed here anymore because of her arguing and yelling). I said, hold on hold on. I will give you money for RENT, not for MOTELS. And be careful with arguing with your girlfriend, because if you get arrested for domestic disturbance, or abuse, I am not going to bail you out. So be careful.
He went off on me, packing up his clothes, telling me to F off and not letting her over is the same as kicking him out, and F off. Again. I said, fine, out, I will not be disrespected in my home, and I work hard for my money. He seems to think that just because I have money, I should give it to him. His dad spent all day long working on a recording my son did. I don't know why, but that seems to make me cry the most, because after all that work, difficult child never got to hear it. I guess it will be here later.
I was calm when I told him that I loved him and then when he could sit down and have a reasonable adult conversation about how to make it happen so that he could move out with GFH asap, rather than getting immediate satisfaction from a motel, and apologize to me for his behaviour then I would be here and he could come back. He practically spat at me that he felt it was his right to sleep here and he owed me nothing. He took everything and then left.
And then I cried and feel sick, and if it was the right thing to do, wouldn't I feel okay? I'm trying to feel what my gut says, and I think my gut says, he made the choice to act like a brat that wanted candy now, and he used abusive language towards me, and he has no idea what he's doing and he'll have to learn soon enough. And if he doesn't learn it now, he's never going to learn. And I certainly don't want some 21, then 22, then 23 year old and on and on acting this way. It has to start and stop somewhere. So, he's out in his car with all of his stuff. Well, let's see how this goes. The sun will still rise and set tomorrow. I am preparing for worse case scenarios, and suicide or self-maiming could be in there too, I am prepared for it all.
He has NEVER talked to me this way. It's so uncharacteristic of him, when he gets upset, he usually goes cold and in control. Like me. Oh well. I can't really do anything. I think I am going to look for therapy for me tomorrow for sure, because I need to discuss this with a professional. MWM would say, "He chose to not apologize and act like an adult, didn't he? He decided to walk out and he did, and there is nothing you should feel guilty about." My inner person says for me to go take a bath. So I'm going to do that.
You guys are great. Like immediate group therapy. Thank you.