Woofens
New Member
and difficult child pushes me further and further each day.
I should have gone to the ER last night, he hurt my wrist again, I'm bruised up and down my arms and shins, got a bruise on my chest, I feel like I've run over by a truck. Didn't go to the ER because I didn't want to have to tell them that my 6 YO difficult child tried to beat the snot outta me I'm gonna call my GP today and try to get in to get XRays of my wrist and possibly my ribs.
Last night started because easy child S ate a cracker of difficult child's. That provoked an hour + long rage, in which he charged easy child S and I had to restrain him, because I can't let him hurt her. He spit out the window at Moe, kicked MoonWolf, screamed, and hit, kicked, pinched and head-butted me. He broke my necklace M bought me for my birthday.... I think that is what hurt the most. I know, I need to be more concerned about the physical stuff, but this necklace meant the world to me, and part of it is missing. I know it is here in the house, but the fact that it is broken broke my heart. M told me he would buy me another one, but that isn't the point, ya know?
When he rages, easy child T and easy child S cower in fear. I lived in an abusive relationship (years before my easy child's or difficult child J was born) and the fear level here isn't that much different. I'm so tired of being afraid... I swore I would never live in fear again. Here I am back in that situation... but this time I can't leave, because it isn't someone that I can run from this time. I hate the feeling of helplessness, the constant fear, the tip-toeing around to try not to set him off. I had gone grocery shopping yesterday, was wasn't yet home when the rage started. Moonwolf and easy child T and S were the only ones here. I was home within 15 minutes but now I'm afraid to leave him here with anyone besides me. Moonwolf isn't physically capable of restraining him if he tries to hurt the girls.
How do you guys do this day after day, month after month, year after year? I told my SO last night that I don't want to lose him, but if he walked I wouldn't blame him... I'm not sure I could stay if difficult child wasn't my biological kid. I'm just at the end of my rope, barely hanging on....
I should have gone to the ER last night, he hurt my wrist again, I'm bruised up and down my arms and shins, got a bruise on my chest, I feel like I've run over by a truck. Didn't go to the ER because I didn't want to have to tell them that my 6 YO difficult child tried to beat the snot outta me I'm gonna call my GP today and try to get in to get XRays of my wrist and possibly my ribs.
Last night started because easy child S ate a cracker of difficult child's. That provoked an hour + long rage, in which he charged easy child S and I had to restrain him, because I can't let him hurt her. He spit out the window at Moe, kicked MoonWolf, screamed, and hit, kicked, pinched and head-butted me. He broke my necklace M bought me for my birthday.... I think that is what hurt the most. I know, I need to be more concerned about the physical stuff, but this necklace meant the world to me, and part of it is missing. I know it is here in the house, but the fact that it is broken broke my heart. M told me he would buy me another one, but that isn't the point, ya know?
When he rages, easy child T and easy child S cower in fear. I lived in an abusive relationship (years before my easy child's or difficult child J was born) and the fear level here isn't that much different. I'm so tired of being afraid... I swore I would never live in fear again. Here I am back in that situation... but this time I can't leave, because it isn't someone that I can run from this time. I hate the feeling of helplessness, the constant fear, the tip-toeing around to try not to set him off. I had gone grocery shopping yesterday, was wasn't yet home when the rage started. Moonwolf and easy child T and S were the only ones here. I was home within 15 minutes but now I'm afraid to leave him here with anyone besides me. Moonwolf isn't physically capable of restraining him if he tries to hurt the girls.
How do you guys do this day after day, month after month, year after year? I told my SO last night that I don't want to lose him, but if he walked I wouldn't blame him... I'm not sure I could stay if difficult child wasn't my biological kid. I'm just at the end of my rope, barely hanging on....